The dude that did the Blessed Virgin Mary and got away with it!
Years after Saint Paul put together Christianity, the Early Church Fathers collected all the Gospels (stories) written about the “virgin birth of Jesus Christ.” This is what they set forth: Mary was a horny teenager in full puberty. She was very eagerly submitting to the advances of the proxy agent of God the Holy Ghost, the Archangel Saint Gabriel that was sent to fix a deal with her to mother GOD the Son Jesus Christ! She didn’t hesitate for one moment to comply with the indecent proposal of a perfect stranger! So it was not a rape, but more like a horny smart young girl's dream to sexually lay God the Holy Ghost come true… spiritually speaking, of course!
The Blessed Virgin Mary was not married to God the Holy Ghost or to Saint Joseph! She was living together with Saint Joseph in the same house. She was still too young to have sex with an old man like Saint Joseph. Marriage rules in those days were much different from today! In most cases the groom or his parents buy the bride when she is still a baby, or at a very young age too young for sexual intercourse and sometimes he may wait for a while before trying. The fact of the virgin birth story THAT NO CHRISTIAN CAN DENY is that Saint Joseph is not the legitimate father of the Baby God the Son Jesus Christ! AND THAT HIS GENEOLOGY IN THE BIBLE IS TOTALLY WORTHLESS HOGWASH! As far as marriage rules go in our society today, Jesus Christ is a plain “bastard!” The SOB initials can rightfully be used to describe Jesus Christ, but since the Early Church Fathers came up with the brilliant idea to certify that Mary is a perpetual virgin nobody would dare to call Jesus any vulgar name for fear of his/her life (! I KNOW!) The Bible writers claim that Jesus is really cool because God doesn’t deal with any bastard no matter how Holy until their 10th generation (Deut 23:2). Jesus is an exception to any Law of God especially about Mary parents having to keep her last tampon* (*cloth) handy at all times as evidence of her virginity before she can marry anybody (Deut 22:20-21)! Christians need to discard all of the above information to make Christianity feasible for them AND THEY KNOW IT… and they are willing to kill to defend, or support those who do it!
Christians know that the Blessed Virgin Mary kept her pregnancy a secret from her fiancé Saint Joseph for 6 months! When he found out that her belly was getting unusually big he was going to dump her. Mary assured him that she was still a virgin and that she was going to mother God. Fortunately, an angel came the same night to Saint Joseph in a dream telling him that everything is OK, so he kept her! Most Christians, especially Catholics believe that the marriage of Saint Joseph to the Virgin Mary was never consummated. Saint Joseph became the Guardian Saint Protector of the Virgin Mary’s Perpetual “Virginity” and also the Saint Protector of all the Christian believers in the World! Countless faithful Christians still pray to him!
Because of the Holy Trinity connection, the Blessed Virgin Mary became recognized as the Mother of God conceived without the “original sin™”. Always virgin! Her hymen was NEVER torn! The Virgin Mary’s virginity is a miracle verified by Saint Salome to the fullest satisfaction of the Early Church Fathers! Nobody can prove any abuse! In 1950 it became a Church dogma that she ascended bodily into Heaven! Now she is officially known as the Queen of Heaven and the Mother of God! I don’t believe that she would be willing to complain about any statutory rape or abuse!!! The Vatican compensated her beyond her wildest dreams! LUCKY TEENAGER!
This is the Story of the Divine Seduction of the Blessed Virgin Mary according to
THE PROTOEVANGELIUM OF SAINT JAMES…
http://www.newadvent.org/fathers/0847.htm
11. And she took the pitcher, and went out to fill it with water. And, behold, a voice saying: Hail, thou who hast received grace; the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women! And she looked around, on the right hand and on the left, to see whence this voice came. And she went away, trembling, to her house, and put down the pitcher; and taking the purple, she sat down on her seat, and drew it out. And, behold, an angel of the Lord stood before her, saying: Fear not, Mary; for thou hast found grace before the Lord of all, and thou shalt conceive, according to His word. And she hearing, reasoned with herself, saying: Shall I conceive by the Lord, the living God? and shall I bring forth as every woman brings forth? And the angel of the Lord said: Not so, Mary; for the power of the Lord shall overshadow thee: wherefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of the Most High. And thou shalt call His name Jesus, for He shall save His people from their sins. And Mary said: Behold, the servant of the Lord before His face: let it be unto me according to thy word.
12. And she made the purple and the scarlet, and took them to the priest. And the priest blessed her, and said: Mary, the Lord God hath magnified thy name, and thou shall be blessed in all the generations of the earth. And Mary, with great joy, went away to Elizabeth her kinswoman, and knocked at the door. And when Elizabeth heard her, she threw away the scarlet, and ran to the door, and opened it; and seeing Mary, she blessed her, and said: Whence is this to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? for, behold, that which is in me leaped and blessed thee. But Mary had forgotten the mysteries of which the archangel Gabriel had spoken, and gazed up into heaven, and said: Who am I, O Lord, that all the generations of the earth should bless me? And she remained three months with Elizabeth; and day by day she grew bigger. And Mary being afraid, went away to her own house, and hid herself from the sons of Israel. And she was sixteen years old when these mysteries happened.
13. And she was in her sixth month; and, behold, Joseph came back from his building, and, entering into his house, he discovered that she was big with child...
The Blessed Virgin Mary was really drenched in Holy Ghost Sperm from head to toe like the Early Church Fathers report in the Saint Bart’s Gospel. This Gospel had equal chance to be part of the Holy Bible, but they already had too many books selected so they closed the Bible canon as is.
GOSPEL OF SAINT BARTHOLOMEW
http://www.gnosis.org/library/gosbart.htm
Chapter 2 (II)
3 Bartholomew therefore said unto Peter: Thou that art the chief, and my teacher, draw near and ask her. But Peter said to John: Thou art a virgin and undefiled and thou must ask her.
4 And as they all doubted and disputed, Bartholomew came near unto her with a cheerful countenance and said to her: Thou that art highly favored the tabernacle of the Most High, unblemished we, even all the apostles, ask thee to tell us how thou didst conceive the incomprehensible.
5 But Mary said unto them: Ask me not concerning this mystery. If I should begin to tell you, fire will issue forth out of my mouth and consume all the world.
6 But they continued yet the more to ask her. And she, for she could not refuse to hear the apostles, said: Let us stand up in prayer
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Gibberish verses…
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14 And when she had ended the prayer she began to say unto them: Let us sit down upon the ground; and come thou, Peter the chief, and sit on my right hand and put thy left hand beneath mine armpit; and thou, Andrew, do so on my left hand; and thou, John, the virgin* (*no joking!), hold together my bosom; and thou, Bartholomew, set thy knees against my back and hold my shoulders, lest when I begin to speak my bones be loosed one from another* (*she was anticipating another orgasmic experience of humongous proportions just at the thought of having had sex with God the Holy Ghost! It is all in the Early Church Father’s writings!).
15 And when they had so done she began to say: When I abode in the temple of God, on a certain day there appeared unto me one in the likeness of an angel.
16 And straightway the veil of the temple was rent and there was a very great earthquake, and I fell upon the earth, for I was not able to endure the sight of him.
17 But he put his hand beneath me and raised me up, and I looked up into heaven AND THERE CAME A CLOUD OF DEW AND SPRINKLED ME FROM THE HEAD TO THE FEET* (*just like in any hard core porno video!), and he wiped me with his robe* (*apparently, there was not a shower room in the Temple of God!).
The Blessed Virgin Mary never lost her virginity during her sexual intercourse with God the Holy Ghost, and not even during DELIVERY of the Baby God Jesus Christ according to...
THE PROTEVANGELIUM OF SAINT JAMES
http://www.newadvent.org/fathers/0847.htm
19. And the midwife went forth out of the cave, and Salome met her. And she said to her: Salome, Salome, I have a strange sight to relate to thee: a virgin has brought forth-a thing which her nature admits not of. Then said Salome: As the Lord my God liveth, unless I thrust in my finger, and search the **** parts, I will not believe that a virgin has brought forth.
20. And the midwife went in, and said to Mary: Show thyself* (*spread thy legs!), for no small controversy has arisen about thee. And Salome put in her finger, and cried out, and said: Woe is me for mine iniquity and mine unbelief, because I have tempted the living God; and, behold, my hand is dropping off as if burned with fire* (*She got real excited using her whole hand in search of the hallowed hymen that she almost destroys the paramount evidence of Mary’s virginity and God the Holy Spook had to slap her hand, but relax all ye Christians… she fully recovered!).