Is it alright for my ex's Grandma to take our kids to church even though we are not religious?

Question

My kids are 5 and 6 and his grandmother takes them to a Christian church every other weekend. I have never been religious and I want my kids to be open-minded about religion and not just get brain washed into it at an early age. I wonder how much damage this is going to do to them and how I can talk to them about people believing different things?

Answer 1

this is always a sticky thing.



i would say if the kids are at your ex's and Grandma wants to take them, then he has the right to allow that.



personally, i believe that parents should be in church with their children - and for one simple reason: Questions will come up for them, and parents should know what is happening at church so that parents can answer those questions.



if you are worried about your children not seeing and having different experiences in a religious context, then make the committment to take them to services at the houses of worship of all faiths. A Jewish temple, an Islamic mosque, a Unitarian gathering - a Catholic service - any place you can to give your kids a broad perspective.



maybe do this one weekend a month - study and learn about the faith during the month and then go to the service to culminate the lesson.



to create open-minded kids, you have to take time to show them the world.

Answer 2

I am a 21 year old christian. I was raised in a family that went to church every Sunday but I dont actually believe you can can be easily brain washed by a religion and this is why. Until I was in my early teens I always thought of church as more of a place to here cool stories than an acual religion because at that age I was not really aware of what religion was. Most of my teen years i started examining my life and my beliefs trying to find out truely what I believed in. My parents were like you they wanted me to be open minded and not pick a faith just to have one. Curently I am a different denomination of the christian faith than my parents. So no dont worry about brain washing if any thing this is exposing them to something different which can only make them more open minded. also you stated it was only every other week end that gives you every other weekend to show them a different religion or even no religion at all. I feel the only way you can be brainwashed is if you are only shown one path to choose, but if you show them several paths and have them pick there own the will be more understanding of other.

Answer 3

Why don't you go with them and sit in on the Sunday school class or service that she is taking them too...Make a decision based upon all the facts that you have seen for yourself...if you decide that you are not comfortable with what they are teaching your children, then let her (G-ma) know that and maybe you can let her have them after church....Contrary to popular belief, most churches DO preach tolerance of others religions and to accept others..not brainwashing..brainwashing typically consists of specific techniques used to control the mind, I am sure you will find that Sunday schools do not employee those techniques. Just let your kids know that there are people that have other beliefs, and just like they are free to choose to believe in Jesus/God, others are free to choose in what they believe...

I would really say check it out yourself before you make a solid decision...what's the worst thing that could happen? You might like it too, or you might not..

Answer 4

Well for starters, I'd say, Good for you if your'renot "religious"! However all children need to know that there is a God who loves them. If your ex-grandma loves them enough, to want to give them the greatest gift anyone could ever recieve, an opportunity to believe.in God. Then I say, "More power to her". Even Jesus said Himself, "Don't hinder the little children from coming to me, for such is the kingdom of God" I sure wish I had a grandma to take me to church when I was a child. In today's culture, our children are being subjected to a whole lot of filthy trash, through the 'media exposure'. I'm sure quite a few of them could use a good & thorough,"Brain-Washing"! No offense intended, however, Being introduced to the concept of faith in a loving Creator, I'm sure will be the least of your worries!

Answer 5

Absolutely it is ok! How can your kids be "open-minded" about religion, if you won't allow them exposure to it? Saying that they can't go would be your effectual "slamming of the door" on that side of open-mindedness. If you want them to be truly open-minded, let them go with their grandmother, but take them to several different churches on your own, and highlight the good points of each. Expose them to people / organizations of a non-religious nature and highlight the good points of each of those as well. As you point out the good things, they also will learn to look for the good in all things and will learn to be open and accepting of other's practices and beliefs while they develop their own.

Answer 6

Hi shymom,



I think this is okay at least they get some kinda religion even if you aren't taking them, they in turn learn about God is loving & it's only every other weekend.

I to never attended church with any of my children-I was raised Catholic & learned about God but didn't want to raise my children having to be forced into any religion. Here's what they have learned:

My oldest son went through drug treatment he didn't know how to express or what it meant to have a higher power- (good thing my sisters could explain to him what a higher power was). He attends a Catholic church as his wife is Catholic & will raise his children Catholic for now. My older daughter spent time with her boyfriend who was a Mormon(needless to say she learned that wasn't the religion she wanted & now attends a non-denomination church & is happy with that). My my youngest daughter goes to all different kinda churches with her friends & just hasn't yet decided on anyone church & she seems content with this. My youngest son goes with a girl & she's Luthern so now he attends Luthern church & they be married at a Luthern church in September. I attend a non-demonination church myself it's more of giving to my community & a spiritual thing for me without the preaching God is everything. So I am just saying your children will decide for themselves once they are old enough to make this decision. Have a good day. :0)

Additional Details: You can always sit them down & explain your feelings, how you think & your religious beliefs if you have any & what you believe in. Let them decide for themselves when they get older. Things always change for the better.

2n additional details: congrats I think you are a wonderful Mom to discuss your beliefs. I'll even give you a pat on the back for being you.

Answer 7

As a child I was taken to a protestant church EVERY sunday, and attended Catholic school Mon-Fri, also I was exposed to alchoholism, and many types of abhorent bahviors -- But as I grew older I was able to make decisions for myself based on personal experience -- because I had been exposed to enough different information.



I am not Catholic, I don't drink alcohol and I do attempt to live my life devoid of abhorent behaviors, with the help of Jesus Christ.



So if the worse that could happen is one or both of your children became Christian [by decision] they would be making up their own minds, at least.



But of course I think you should also talk to them about your beliefs on the topic so they gain understanding of the world from your perspective.



It seems if you don not expose them to different types of thinking, then you are essentially doing the same as you fear going to church will do to them -- guiding their thoughts [monopolizing].



All the best.

Answer 8

You said you want your kids to be "open-minded" about religion. If that is truly what you want, then you need to expose them to religion. How could they possibly grow up open minded if you don't allow them to open their minds to religious ideas?



You said you don't want your children to be "brainwashed". If you believe that your ex's Grandma is brainwashed OR if you believe the church she attends uses brainwashing techniques, then it is your responsibility to protect them. However, you didn't say that your children objected to attending church with Grandma nor did you say anything about negative consequences you've already seen so I can't identify a reason for you to object beyond the possible concern of brainwashing.



Please consider the possibility that your use of the term "brainwashed" suggests that you have a negative perception of Christianity. If your views toward Christianity are negative, then perhaps you should be grateful to your ex's grandma for helping your children be more open-minded about Christianity.



Of course, my best suggestion to you would be that YOU attend church with your ex's Grandma and your children! By attending church with them, you're modeling the very behavior you say you want them to have...you're being open minded about religion. If you really want to be open-minded about religion, you can also take them to other churches/synagogs/temples/religious ceremonies to learn about other religions. I have a friend who is a professed atheist but he attends church every week with his wife and children both to respect his parent's beliefs AND to give his children the opportunity to make an informed choice (the same choice he made) when the time comes (he also encourages his kids to explore other religions...for example, his son attended a Jewish school with my son)!

Answer 9

It's interesting that you say you want your kids to be open-minded about religion, then you proceed to bash the Christian church as a brainwashing organization.



Children are not "brainwashed" at church, they are taught about events written in the Bible. They are also taught such damaging things as: love others as you love yourself; all people are children of God; don't lie, cheat, or steal; help those in need; etc.



Don't deprive your children of one of the greatest learning and growing experiences in life. They will choose at a later age what to make of it.

Answer 10

But its okay to let other people "brainwash" your kids into thinking other ideas? You assume that your children are completely incapable of making their own decisions. Just because they are young does not mean that they are stupid. Besides, if they have any questions you can let ask you about them. Dont your children deserve to be informed about religions? Why is learning that there is someone out there who loves them and died for them a damaging thing? Why dont you try to accompany your children so you can make your own educated decision?

Answer 11

Why do you think they are being "brain washed" by going to church every other weekend? You are keeping them home every other weekend right? Would you say that you are brain washing them to not go to church? You said you wanted them to be open minded, this way they are equally exposed to both sides and can choose for themselves.

Answer 12

I think it is okay for her to take the kids to church. Being open minded can include learning about Christianity. If you want them to learn about other faiths you should teach them. When I was a child my parents divorced and I found a great deal of comfort in my faith and my paternal grandparents (my mother had custody).

Answer 13

I am not worried as it had happened to me when I was kid.



I believe that it is not us who choose our religion /faith.



The good things abt attending church for kids is, give them dicipline, may not : speak, run n run around and have to sit still during the procession, singing together .

It is not bad to train children good conduct.

Lots of benefit out of it.



This below is only my opinion:

To be strong, we have to train ourself to control ourself---> to control our will.

If we were trained since we're kid, even we sort of rebel in some stage of age, we'll back to our "nature habbit".



We can still have good thought, brain still working under "following good conduct" attitude.



As you do not belong to any religion anyway, why dont you read "Wisdom of Lao Tze" ; it's not a religion, it's only thoughts , look for the original ones.

(Iam not Chinese, not Budhist and not Confusiusm, I am not leading you to religion).



You can see how the old wisdoms are, and what's + how the best to imply in todays life.



You still young as yr children are still infants. You may want or need to find MORE means of life. You still have lots of time to pass. If you're paranoid abt religion, that book above lead you not to religion ,



Good luck and relax.

Answer 14

the damage may come more from how you handle all this. If you are wanting them to be open minded about religion then you are going to have to introduce them to religion itself for them to be open minded to it.



Every other week end going to church with grandma and you teaching them your view will be a good start.

Answer 15

You're taking responsibility for what influences them by letting them go. If you don't want them exposed then don't let it happen. Otherwise let it be. As they become older they will be able to decide what they want to do anyway. I took my children to church every Sunday and they loved it----at first. It all stopped though when they were 11 and 9. I didn't force them to go and if they wanted to go then I would have let them.

Answer 16

is your ex good with his grandma taking the kids to church? then there's probably not much you can say about it. do they enjoy going to church and being with their grandma?



then just relax. a couple of sundays a month is not going to damage them - remember the *open-minded about religion* statement? you have plenty of time to destroy their hope and faith in God.

Answer 17

On the weekend you have them, take them to a Unitarian church.

At the very least, ask them what they learned in church that day.

Answer 18

By allowing this person to take children at the very young age at any Service of any Church, it is bound to form their ideas of religion. I would stop such practice, get various children's books from many world religions and interpret them myself to the young ones. If you want them to know of other Religions. If you don't want to include Religion at all, you are the parent, plenty of ways to discourage this behavior. Out of curiosity, do you discuss on any level with children what they've learnt from Church visits?



They could go to a zoo, restaurant, movies and other non-religious places if you want them to interact with Grandparents. Nothing to do with religion, and a very healthy activity for the little ones.



Apparently, myself, I wouldn't allow children to attend a Church at such early years, as it will influence their worldview. They may even take it all as 'facts' vs. Religion/ Theology of a Grandparent.

Answer 19

If you've got your kids and grandmas house, she can do whatever she wants. If you don't want her taking them to church then you should be watching them.



Don't try to "blame" something on poor old grandma. I'm sure she's doing what she thinks is best for her grandchildren.

Answer 20

Yes, you don't want your kids to learn that the Being that created the universe loves them. That'd be bad.



When you say "open minded," doesn't that just mean you don't believe in anything specific?

Answer 21

Relax. The brainwashing doesn't really start until 8th grade. (Protestant anyway) At 5 and 6, they're learning stories about Noah and Jesus and Joseph, and these stories have cute and furry animal pictures to accompany them.



It's not bad for them, it gives them an opportunity to learn something, and they will ask you about it if they seem confused.

Answer 22

It's not going to hurt your children to be exposed to religion any more than it's going to hurt them to be exposed to any other thing. They see and hear all kinds of things in their lifetimes. If you try to build a fence around them, they won't be able to make any decisions, open-minded or otherwise.

Answer 23

Thank God for this grandma who cares enough about their spiritual health!! No, what's dangerous is your concern that they will learn about truth found in christianity. Only faith in Jesus Christ and His atonement will SAVE them in eternity. If only more kids had someone to share Christ's love for them! God is providing your kids a way to know Him. Allow them to grow in God's Grace. God bless

Answer 24

They are learning about the Love of God. there are a lot worst things I would be concern about them learning about , just turn on the TV

Answer 25

how can you talk to them? just talk to them ...... and in my opinion you can decide on church or not by talking to your kids and finding out what they do in Church and what they learn and what they think about going ....and it might be your ex........ but its their great-grandma..... right? you might want the break ..... personally ..... I would not want them to go.

Answer 26

As long as you keep talking to them, it's fine. There's a lot of churches: is she a Baptist or a Unitarian?

Take them to a Buddhist temple..show them everything, let them make up their own minds.

Answer 27

it will never hurt anyone to learn first hand about religion. make sure to ask lots of questions about church and what they think about it, to make sure no one is trying to brainwash them.

Answer 28

Sweet Pea I see that you are missing it. It wont damage them but it Will give them a better out look on life. I pray that God reveal himself to you through you children. Don't knock what you don't know. God is love and so am I, and one day you will have that same peace in your heart. Good luck!

Answer 29

They will learn of love

good and bad

right and wrong

It's a good foundation

They are so young they will not teach them what they would you

Answer 30

That's not a good idea, don't allow that to happen. At that young of age, they could get brain washed easily and that will make your relationship with your kids far more difficult.

Answer 31

Would you prefers taking them to your regular pubs ?

Answer 32

Do you like her? Is she Christ like? If so. Then let them go.

Answer 33

let her take them. it certainly can't help. actually, it might help them!!

Answer 34

No, stop allowing your children to be brainwashed.

Answer 35

No.