I'm atheist but my friend made me say thanks at dinner?

Question

I was having a sleepover at my friend, andreas, house and we were having dinner with her family. I was about to eat when Andrea looked at me with a stern look. I was confused for a second then I realized that they were about to say thanks. Andrea knows i'm atheist, but her family doesn't and I didn't want to be disrespectful so I just went along with it. I just felt really uncomfortable.. I feel like andrea didn't respect my beliefs... should I say something to her?

Answer 1

It's a sad world when you have to suppress your beliefs just to "fit in" in this society. I think the appropriate response in your situation would have been to fake demonic possession right before "amen". I doubt that you'd run into that situation with that family again.



edit: To those of you who say "It's their house, their rules" I agree to a point. But what if they were crazy fundies saying "And may god smite all homosexuals straight to hell..." , would you still go through the motions of praying and amen-ing?

Answer 2

If you were a guest at her house, then it is you that needed to be respectful of her family's beliefs while in their home. Nobody can make you say thank you to a deity you don't believe in...you have the right to respectfully decline that, but sitting silently and waiting while the family sharing their meal with you said their grace would be the appropriate thing to do, regardless of what you believe. Instead of thanking the deity, you could have (and should have) added a thank you to your hosts for the meal.



Being respectful of the beliefs and practices of others doesn't mean you are sharing the beliefs or practicing them yourself.

Answer 3

All you know is that when you're in Andrea's house you might have to pretend to say grace or else tell them you're atheist.



That's the choice. As for Andrea...she shouldn't have acted the way she did but maybe she thought it would be more embarrassing if they started saying grace and you just dug in.

Answer 4

If you are a guest in her house, you go with what is happening there. So if they bow their heads and say thanks at dinner, bow your head and think about other stuff until you hear them say Amen, and go on with your dinner. Then the next day at church, shake hands, listen to the music, count hats, etc, then leave when they leave.



If you don't want to do those things, don't stay over at her house. If their traditions involve saying thanks before dinner, and church on Sundays you can't expect that all to change just because you show up.

Answer 5

Why should you say something to her? You are an atheist - you LACK beliefs, so you have nothing to complain about.



You were a guest in HER house. When you are a guest, you should observe the customs of those entertaining you. And, grow up a little, why dont you - exactly how much did it hurt you to sit quietly while they give thanks for the food??



I am an atheist too - but when I am in the company of others that are not and who wish to give thanks, I allow them to do so without interrupting or thinking that my lack of beliefs are not being considered.

Answer 6

What difference does that make? You were in her house. No one is FORCING you to say "grace" or to say "thanks". Just sit quietly and let them finish, then dig in.



Go ahead and say something to her. Personally I think you're gettin bent over nothing. Don't go to religious people's houses if you're worried about it, hang out with only those who have the same beliefs or lack thereof as you do... then you'll avoid this all together.

Answer 7

If you are a atheist then you do not believe there is a god at all so if your friends want you to hold hands and thank the gods for a table of food what harm does it do you? You are praising no one and no one is listening but you are making your friend and her parents happy. You made them happy and it cost you nothing. Win Win.

Answer 8

She didn't respect YOUR beliefs?!?!?!



What are YOU doing having a sleep-over at the house of a non-atheirst? you POLLUTED her house with your disbelief, yet SHE remains nice to you! in fact, she offered you one of the highest honors that can be offered in a religious household. That is a TRUE friend, indeed.



Why don't you return the favor, and be nice to her? Prove to her that atheists are just as nice as religious people -- cuz you sure ain't doing it now!



if you say something to her about "disrespecting your beliefs" you PROVE to her that atheists are NOT as kind and as loving as everyone else. Jesus tells us to "turn the other cheek", but that lesson is NOT limited to just Christians. ALL person need to learn to simply overlook simple things like this, and respect friendship more than their personal beliefs.

Answer 9

Lol I've done that before. When they were all saying the same prayer I was just like, "ahumina humina humina humina" Now I don't have any theist friends so I never have to deal with that crap.

Answer 10

You were in their house, and they were providing the meal, so it's not much to ask for you to respect their tradition (no matter how ridiculous it might seem).



Even people who have little to do with church or religion will sometimes give a vague 'thanks' at meals.

Answer 11

You were in her parents' home. You should respect their rules. You don't have to join in their prayer, but you do have to sit quietly and wait respectfully while they say their prayer. It's called common courtesy and it gets you invited back.

Answer 12

As a guest, you should have respected your hosts, bowed your head for a moment, and kept silent.

Answer 13

It's proper etiquette to at least wait for them to finish, but forcing you to do it as well was completely improper on her part, and you should say something to her about it.

Answer 14

Sitting silently for a few seconds hurts no one.

Answer 15

It hurts nothing for you to go along with it... you were in their house at their table eating their food. If she had asked you to lead them in prayer that would have been one thing but asking you to bow your head while they say thanks in their own home is just common decency.

Answer 16

Look at it this way lying is frowned upon in religion so if you do say grace or thanks or what ever your committing an insult regardless. Tell her this FACT. You don't believe in it so you shouldn't do it just don't go to her house to eat.

Answer 17

if your an atheist then what harm does it cause you to pray to anyone? in her family they pray before they eat. dont like it? don't eat there.

Answer 18

I just sit there silently if other people want to pray. They just ought not expect me to pray along with them.

Answer 19

If you're at someone else's house, you should respect their rules. At your home, they should respect yours.

Answer 20

You should probably talk to her, yes - more than that I cannot say. ^_^

Answer 21

I say thanks to Einstein, Newton, Darwin, etc.



I lead dinner prayers many times. 'Thank you Galileo, thank you newton, thank you Gauss, thank you maxwell, thank you capernicus, thank you reality, ramen'.

Answer 22

Maybe it was more her parents than her.

Answer 23

She needs her throat slit in the middle of the night