I tried to kill myself last night. Would anyone notice?

Question

I had everything planned out. I had the razors, I had the rope tied to the ceiling, I had the 40 pills. I had it all organized. I thought last night that the pain in my heart would be over. DO NOT TELL ME I SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE BECAUSE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!!! Everyone's abandoned me. My father, my friends, the girl I wanted to love. I tried all three, the razors, the rope, the pills, I couldn't do it. I don't know what happened. I visioned everything. Myself dead, in the morgue, six feet under, and I thought that was the only gift that God ever gave us, the power to end it whenever we want. But I can't seem to do it this way. If I had a gun and a bottle of bourbon it would be over in seconds, but I can't get my hands on them. I spent the next day listening to Phil Collins' In The Air Tonight and Staind's It's Been Awhile and Manson's Sweet Dreams. I see that I might be going to Hell because of what's in my head and what I have done ONLY to myself. I want you to understand that I have NO ONE. Don't tell me to see a psychitarist or take some pills that forge a fake smile on my face, making it seem like everything's all right. That's worst than death. I'm not like you and I refuse to be like you. Don't give me advise on how to deal with it. I just want to know if I'm try again tonight and I die, would anyone REALLY notice?

Answer 1

I read what someone else said.. "you would never exist again"

You should think about that..

Because whether you know it or not people do care about you.

I know people who are like you, & for some reason people like you mean alot to me.

I am only a teenager, & i have wanted to cut myself. But you see, doing things like that isnt going to change anything. Killing yourself isnt going to change anything.. except make things worse for the people you leave behind.

I know you probably feel very angry, confused & frustrated.



You mentioned God, so you probably believe in him somehow.

I know you dont want to be like ME. But I know how you feel.

You say you have NO ONE. But whether you like it or not, you have God.

He is there for you! You can talk to him.. because he will never abandon you..

You should watch some of his videos.. It really helped me when i was sad..& confused.

http://www.youtube.com/user/warnermatthews



I wish that you wouldnt feel this way. But i want you to feel better.

I really want to help you feel better.



I just Prayed for You. I really think that God can help you.. i really know he can!



Please just give it a try.. My sister said You never get a second chance.. So maybe you should try this..



I am Christian, & when i feel down & sad & like i want to cut myself.. I know im not alone.. I never feel alone when I have God with me & i just believe things will get better.



Please just dont kill yourself!

Things WILL get better for you in the future, I KNOW they will.

I have NO DOUBT.



Just listen to me.



I know your killing yourself would be a mistake.

You are blessed.

There is people in this world who have absolutely nothing, & you actually have a chance to change your life.



& I'm not going to understand that you have NO ONE. because Payne, it isnt true. I am here for you, & so is God.



I dont want you to take some pills to forge a fake smile on your face.

I want you to have a real smile.

I want you to realise what you have in life.

& though your in a bad time right now, it WONT ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS!!



We all go through bad times in life.. but they dont last!!

I'm telling you that right now.

So your on the edge right now.. & if you get ready to kill yourself tonight, just think about what im saying please.

This wont last forever Payne.. it really wont. You will be happy again..





"In school your taught a lesson and givin a test, & in life your givin a test & taught a lesson."



I know you can make it through this.. so please be strong & Follow God. Concentrate & trust him. He will lead you the right way.



Pray to him. You wont be alone! He can bring you people.. he will bring you another girl, who will actually love you.. you really wont always be alone.



I will keep you in Prayers! :) :D



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmtGpROtFjo



Listen to that song



http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/creed/onelastbreath.html



Those are the lyrics to that song, & he is talking about God.





My sister says It doesnt have to be over for you, if you end your life now, you will never get another chance.



& we guarntee you, that there is Awesome things coming your way.

So be patient please Payne. It will be better! :) :D :) :D :) :D



Your important, & I know people think so.

Your never alone. I promise :) :D



I took my time to write this for you,and its taken awhile. so apparently you important to someone :) :D



God is with you.







http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php



One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.



When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.



This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.



The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

Answer 2

"I thought that was the only gift that God ever gave us, the power to end it whenever we want"



Nope, you're thinking of metaphorical death, not physical death. Every cell in your body is against the idea of physical death. Your conscious mind sitting on top of that lacks control of the situation.



Metaphorical death is death of personality. Which by the sounds of it, is what you need. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to kill off your personality. Just change it so it's not a problem anymore, and death/rebirth is the idea that will help the most with that. You can change yourself at any time. Anything you think is wrong with you(the reasons you feel people have abandoned you) can be erased. You can be a new person. Basically you can have you cake and eat it too. You just have to be clever and calm about it. I'll get you started, If you believe in God, then it's pretty clear that he's ordering you to change, rather than die. Your move.



To your actual question, no, I wouldn't notice. I didn't even know you existed before reading this question, and to tell you the truth, I probably wont think about you again. That shouldn't effect you though because you feel the same way about me, and that doesn't effect me.



Perhaps that's the first aspect of your personality that you should look to change, the fact that you rely on other people for your emotional stability.



Good luck :)

Answer 3

Song is right. You are in a spiritual mess, believe me I have been there recently. The only way to get out is to fight spiritually. If you have nobody that can change. It's circumstantial, maybe to do with your ancestors. You have to change it. Believe me I have faced a lot of rejection in my life. Been through the same old **** again and again and again like a revolving door. The only thing I know, that if you want out of this hell you have to get spiritual. Actually, it is a really fun and exciting thing to do. Because the spirit world exists and is around us all the time. You are attracting really bad, evil spirits at the moment with your thinking. They just want you to spiral down and give up. They are malicious and cruel and will just go find somebody else after you.

Recently when I was really messed up, I focused on calling Jesus ALL THE TIME. I mean calling His name out, under my breath, whatever. Singing His name, all the time!! Another spirit I have in my faith is Heung Jin Nim. Say the name over and over. Just try it!! You can try it if you want, it will work, these are HIGH spirits that have absolute clout in the spirit world. They will totally change the spirit around you. You will start to attract positive experiences, people etc. It is a fight, make no mistake about that. Are you a fighter? FIGHT!!!

And, I don't know if this will make sense, but you have to try to be pure sexually. Lust will bring your spirit down (unless it's natural with your wife). Porn etc = spiritual suicide. Believe me, it's the devils weapon to make you miserable!!



Sorry, I know you didn't want advice but, come on, we are all family in the end. Some of us have been somewhere around where your at. Do you blame us? We are family.

Answer 4

I don't really know what to say to you. I don't know you, I don't what happened to make you feel this way, I don't know why you feel the only answer is suicide. Whatever it was it must have been pretty bad and you must feel pretty crappy. I dont know what your religious beliefs are, but they must be in you somewhere because you mention hell. You should listen to 2 of my favorite songs when I am beside myself. Casting Crowns 'Praise you in this storm' and Building 429 'Always'. You ask would anyone notice if you were gone? Well, God would. He would loose a child's soul to the Devil and Hell instead of recieving an Angel in Heaven. God gives us free will that's true, but with that comes consequences that we have to answer for. He is the only one that can dictate when it is our RIGHT time. As for me, I will worry about you and the choice you make. You say you don't want to talk to a professional. What about a stranger? I have had a run of pretty awful things myself; a very severe illness as a child that I overcame, a stalker that tried to take my life multiple times, a broken heart that I thought would end me and didn't, a pregnancy that was at risk of loss, my husband being diagnosed with stage 3 brain cancer and another pregnancy right now that I may loose and have to wait til next week to see. Even if there were sad outcomes, God was always there. Alot of the time we try to blame the Devil for bad things in our lives, when in fact it is our free will that we use so wrecklessly that brings them in. God doesn't grant all the wants we ask for. Everything is according to His plan, and if you kill yourself, your plan with Him will end. There is not the chance to fix it - it's over. He can't give us forgiveness without repentance. But you have to be ALIVE to ask for it! He forgives all sins that we ask him to forgive. I know it seems like I am going all 'Bible Thumper' on you. It's just that I am a believer and that's my view. If you are not a believer, you still need to consider the consequences. You may think that you have nobody and end up being one of those people that you see in the movies that are at their own funeral and there are a TON of people there and they are shocked to see them all! Then they wish they would have known it in life. Please keep me posted and I will think of you!

Answer 5

For the record, medication doesn't make you smile, it just makes the crappy things seem more mundane, which is usually the truth.

Yes, someone would notice, when your body started to smell. Is that the end you really want? You want to be remembered as a bloated, stinky body someone found? Or maybe you should see it as the last time you let yourself get so low, and you stopped being so obsessed with yourself and how worthless you felt, and went and did something so your life had a point to it.

Answer 6

You're looking for someone to give you a reason not to do it, which means you don't really want to die, but the irony is you're not willing to help yourself. Turn off all the death music and go see a psychiatrist, but do it with an open mind because nobody's going to understand you unless you give them a chance, and if your attitude going into it is that nobody understands you then no, of course not, it's self-fulfilling prophecy, you're going to do everything in your power to keep them from understanding you, both because you want to be right about being misunderstood and because you're a coward and don't want to open yourself up to anyone.

Answer 7

Noone may notice but don't worry about them. SLEEP. It is the best cure. Just take a week off and sleep. Then go order an ice cream bucket and dig in and do everything you thought you would like to before you die. Enjoy yourself as if your going to die soon and soon you won't want to die anymore. Also go to a hospital and see people fighting to stay alive. You'll appreciate your life more.

Answer 8

You're going through a really rough time, but maybe this is how you are being tested..... Are you going to give up when you hit a bump in the road? when things get a little tough?



How much more will you be pleased with yourself when you overcome this period of your life, and look back and say Wow I dont know how i did it but I survived... I was patient, because i knew SOMETHING GOOD had to happen to me in this life, something good is waiting for you at the end of the road........ Just be patient, and stick it out!!!! You, God, and I know you can do it......"This too shall pass", be patient and have FAITH

......God bless, love love

Answer 9

You already know the answer to your question better than any of us can provide. Think about it, do you really notice when someone else has committed suicide? Do you really care? If your friends and family are the ******* you portray, will they care? Obviously you know them better than any of us do . . .



I agree with you that the ability to end ones own life is a gift. Most people don't see it that way, but there is really nothing concrete showing that suicide is somehow evil. In many ways, having that ability is a blessing, and the fact that you can already see that demonstrates you already think outside the box.



You should use that talent to do something unique with your life, something different, something according to your own vision. What have you to lose? What is the worse that can happen, you already stand on the brink? I mean, yeah, you can commit suicide . . . but you can also cut loose. Your choice.



The thing is, the desire to commit suicide doesn't really come from you. You are really just living inside a cage, the cage of your own mind, which pretends to be you. In truth your mind is a product of your upbringing, societal indoctrination, and experiences . . . in other words, you have been shaped by outside forces. Perhaps now you should become master of your own mind, rather than it master of you. If the last thought on your mind before committing suicide is "what will other people think" . . . then you are a slave, at the mercy of outside forces. You would be acting entirely out of concern over what other people think of you.



When you think about yourself, do you think about yourself through the lens of other people . . . or do you yourself judge yourself, without the criteria set by other people? If you can't see yourself clearly, how can you know whether it is worth terminating your existence?



And let there be no mistake about it . . . there will never be another you. Is your unique existence worthy of this world? That other people may suggest to you that you are not is completely irrelevant. Can you look at yourself and determine yourself to be unworthy?



If no one understands you . . . then only you are in a position to judge yourself. If you decide that you are a pile of ****, then sure, end it. But if you see/intuit a spark of greatness within, which I know you do from your post, then why give up on that spark? In either case, don't let other people make that decision for you.



Sure, we all want people to notice us. We want people to appreciate us. We want to be relevant. But there is always a dark side to this, which is we give over our own innate value to other people. Why do you think people live such conventional boring lives? It is because they are more concerned over what other people think than what they themselves think.



So yeah, do yourself in if that is what you want. But if you are doing so because of what other people think, or because you want to make other people think certain things . . . then your really just a slave and doing what slaves do. If you are going to make that ultimate decision, know that it is absolutely what you want because YOU want it. Then even God won't be able to judge you. But if you don't truly want this, then take the opportunity to think deeply about what you do want, and what you are really all about, and do everything in your power to make it happen . . . always recognizing that you can opt out of existence at any time so you have nothing to lose.



Good luck man, I hope you find what you are looking for and eventually eternal happiness.

Answer 10

Okay, I won't tell you how to deal with it but I will tell you that people will notice, people will miss you and people will cry. More people care about you than you know. They may not show it in a way that is noticable to you, or you may not notice it because you don't want to. People are different. If you need anyone to talk to I'm here for you. I hope things get better!

Answer 11

Maybe you should consider (from what you say) that religion is not giving you anything positive in this life. Take life by the balls, Google positive thinking and don't give up. Everyone feels alone sometimes in life, the one thing about life is that things change. Through adversity you gain strength, Stick with it. The sun will shine again for you I promise.

Answer 12

I know how you feel, empty and alone, but there is hope and a future...you cannot rely on anyone else to do anything for you, you have to turn fully to God, all the way like as unto a friend who does know and care; Jesus went through that in the mount of olives, he knows exactly how you feel and can bring you through this, you are valuable to him

Answer 13

Actually your story sounds a lot like mine



The next part was me realizing that I believed in God because He came and told me I wasn't allowed to kill myself.



So I gave my life to Him instead. He promised to put to death all the evil in my heart, and to give me life to the full. So far, He's delivering pretty well.



I try to live every minute for God. If that sounds heavy, trust this:



Matthew 11:28 - 30



"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Answer 14

No don't! Everyone will notice.

There was this guy that worked with my mom he was depressed, had no family and ended up killing himself. He probably thought no one cared, but millions cared even me who didn't even know the guy.



God made you here for a purpose, and that wasn't to kill yourself. Turn your life around and make the rest of your life the best ever! You don't want to be dead think how many it will hurt, especially god as you are hating his creation, you. Please, Please, Pleeeease! Dont kill yourself, even I would care.

Answer 15

God will notice. If you commit suicide, you will go to hell. I think this is a sign from God. If all these things wont work, that means he has a plan for your life and he doesnt want you to die yet. Please dont commit suicide, i bet you are going to meet many good friends in the future

Answer 16

You cant try to kill yourself and fail, if you cut your self with the razors you should have bled to death, if you hung yourself you shoud have died and if you overdosed you should have died. The only answer is that you chickend out. Either do it or dont.

Answer 17

Trust me, killing yourself won't solve anything. Honestly, it won't.

It will affect everyone who knows you negatively. You will be remembered, but for all the wrong reasons.



Don't do it, it creates more problems than it solves.

Answer 18

Suicide is offensive to all, not because it is a rejection of the self, but because it is a rejection of everything else.

Answer 19

Your family WILL notice.



Did you really think this through? Did you realize you will NEVER EXIST AGAIN?



I'd give this alot of thought first.

Answer 20

to the idiot who posted suicide gets you to hell, why would a god send someone who is obviously miserable already to a place like that?

dumb *** christian

Answer 21

right then

don't leave a mess for someone to clean up