What do you think about my poem to god?

Question

I like to wright poems about god it helps me to express my love for him and I just wanted to share this with other people I hope you like it as much as I do thank you and god bless!!

Rise up falling, but getting up to follow you 

I trust myself to only fall,
Weak and feeling alone, 
Wondering blindly on rocky hills, 
I see the light ahead,
but my past still controls me, 
I follow my blurry sight, 
before I realize - Christ is who I really needed,
I run to you, to see that your paths are rockless and straight, 
To lust my eyes were open commenting adultery,
 I fall countlessly to turn around and your the only one there, 
I trust in you to only live, 
Because your will is greater than my doing,
I tell you that I need you, but my walk is the opposite,
I tell you that I love you, but my days turn into minutes watching tv,
I wish I can give you more of me, 
Because you gave me all of you, 
From Bethlehem to  Calvary you  made a heart exchange, 
Broken in your presents is we're I wish to be, 
The best moments with you is when there the first, 
Because nothing can be  taken out of your hand, 
You opened my eyes to see the world in a different view, 
A spirit of discern is what I ask from you, 
you changed my footsteps in how I use to think of you, 
Now I weep worshiping in how this change became in me,  
I ask in you to renew my mind because this world has no fear in you,  
This poem is very long because there is no ending in you, 
I hope my love for you is everlasting, 
I still trust myself to only fall, 
But I know in you I will get up stronger than before,
So to end this poem I will say thank you forever because you are forever in my heart!! 

It took me a long time to write this, I hope this poem will help to strength your faith as well and please be honest.

Answer 1

God gave you gift and i liked the poem alot.

Answer 2

It is sweet :)

You appear to have the child-like heart which Christ said we must possess to come to Him.



Just a couple of grammatical corrections to help you out:

- Broken in your presence is where I wish to be,

- A spirit of discernment is what I ask from you,



Thank you very much for sharing this poem and look forward to hearing more from you.

See if there's a poetry society you can join anywhere in your area. In South Africa they have a national one just for Christians.

Answer 3

If this an honest attempt to write a poem then, me being no great shanks on judging poetry, says that it is very poor. Your attempt is commendable but the execution falls way short of perfection.



Your persistence in rote and blind faith certainly underlines your belief, but to exemplify those feeling in prose in a manner that gels in that idiom is no where near at the moment. Make it rhyme more. Poetry is beautification of the language in a descriptive way.

Answer 4

Nice poem! It shows the fall of a man who wants to get back up with Jesus. Nice wordplay as well. When I write, sometimes I just take a huge source of words from the bible and do some wordplay (as long as it doesn't compromise the meaning of Jesus's teachings). I'd like to see more of that. Otherwise, keep going!

Answer 5

A spirit of discern is what I ask from you,



isn't actually English: perhaps you meant 'a spirit of discernment';





you changed my footsteps in how I use to think of you,



you think with your footsteps?



The poem is badly expressed, and doesn't really have any ideas or any imagery.



It is probably good enough for fellow-Christians.

Answer 6

I even have an entire array of poetry i've got written on countless matters approximately God and our lives with God, yet i'm somewhat puzzled on your desiring a mad poem approximately God. you are able to e mail with extra advantageous clarification and if i will accomodate you, i will attempt. a number of my poetry speaks of frustration and why's - yet i do no longer know approximately being mad.

Answer 7

Aside from the godawful spelling, I think it's rather pretty. Too bad God won't read it, ever, because he doesn't exist. Next time, try puppies. They're nice, they're cuddly, they're man's best friend and THEY'RE REAL!!

Answer 8

You said to be honest so here I go. I didn't read it because I hate poems.

Answer 9

Thank you for tributing this poem to me! I love it , my child! Live Long and Prosper.

Answer 10

Awesome poem.

Answer 11

your getting down on urself to much for this to be enjoyable, focus more on his high points than ur low points.

Answer 12

Well...since you told me to be honest and even said "please"...





Your poem is awful. It's filled with misspellings.



But keep at it. You'll never improve if you give up.

Answer 13

this is actually really beautiful. dont read the negative comment (^^) seriously. i would have been proud to write this myself :)

Answer 14

you better should do what God really wants you to do, go help someone or pray.

also check this video out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss1ajWeY_wc&feature=plcp