Question:
To the solitary Wiccans and other Pagans and Witches, I feel lonely and wondered how do you not feel lonely?
~*Mrs. BAT*~
2009-04-18 19:50:43 UTC
I'm so lonely lol. I've talked to people, looked on meetup and witchvox (as well as other places) and I can't find anyone any closer than about 2 hours away that would even be willing to e-mail me occasionally or even once, for that matter. I thought I'd found a coven, but they are "on hold" for the time being because they only had a few people interested. I'd be ecstatic if I could find one person who was Pagan to talk to about things around here. It's so lonely being a solitary witch and I was just wondering how you manage, how you celebrate Sabbats and Esbats (Beltane approaches and I have no ideas! help!), what rituals you do, how you deal with your significant other not being Pagan, etc. My husband isn't Pagan, but he's perfectly fine with me. I think he still doesn't know exactly what he believes. Anyway, what do you do to not feel so alone in this? Any positive advice or input is welcome. Thanks!
Twelve answers:
Candide Bunny
2009-04-18 19:58:41 UTC
Peace comes from the within. Connect yourself more with Nature, and Nature would calm you in her own magical ways. Good luck. :)
harpertara
2009-04-18 20:05:42 UTC
I would be happy to start a conversation with you. I don't know where you live, but I am guessing it is someplace where there isn't a strong, public pagan community. Most pagan communities have at least one 'open' group where solitaries and others can gather in community at the Sabbats.

I have been pagan for over 13 years, and while my husband is one also, kinda, I don't do much public ritual anymore, as I didn't feel comfortable with the larger pagan population. If you can get it, may I suggest you get and use Scott Cunningham's book "Wicca: A guide for the solitary practitioner". Even if you aren't Wiccan, the book is full of good ideas for one who travels this path alone.

Ideas on Beltane: It is a time of growth and fertility. Pagan or not, ask your husband to share a special Beltane night with you on the 1st. If possible, have a picnic, gather flowers, have 'bedsports' with lots of laughing and dancing and real enjoyment. Go someplace you can be totally alone and private together and revel in each other's company. Good things to eat together would be bananas, apples, strawberries, melons, and bread, especially bread sticks or baguettes. If you want protein, then shellfish or beef is best. You don't need to do elaborate rituals on the Sabbats, they are festivals/parties. Even if your friends aren't pagan, you could have a May Day party if you wanted. You could know the meaning of day and have the intent of the laughter and companionship bringing healing to the earth (or any other intent you wanted), the power would still be there and would still 'work' even if the participants where not aware. Take a more ecological focus and Tell your friends it is a party to celebrate the earth. Go out and work in a garden or yard or plant a tree or just go on a hike; all these things can be done to celebrate the day.
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2017-01-21 02:01:51 UTC
1
Ithina APJ PHAA A-AM
2009-04-18 21:45:24 UTC
For a long time I thought I was in the same boat. I live in a Red state and I thought my best friend and I were the only non-Christians here. I did finally stumble across a Pagan Cafe and found my way into the freakishly HUGE Pagan community in my town. I have a feeling you just have to know where to look.



Why don't you try asking around at any of the local shops that might cater to the Pagan crowd. In other words, if they sell oil and incense try asking them. Its worth a shot.





If you still can't find anything you could always go to the occasional festival. Pagan festivals are held all over the place, and there's probably some in driving distance of you. I know http://www.adf.org keeps pretty good tabs and info on the major festivals.





Good luck in finding a like-minded group close by.
Religious Does Not = Christian!
2009-04-19 11:53:50 UTC
I feel very fortunate after reading that, and realize that I have been taking my luck for granted living in a big city. My guy is atheist, but is fascinated with magick as well, so fits very well into my belief system. But I understand how you must feel right now. Check around herb shops because they may be familiar with occult shops that aren't advertised much. I couldn't find jack with google and yellow pages and stopping into a new age apothecary was a great move.



The best I can suggest (sorry) is to communicate through email and phone and try to establish friends that way. I wish I could give you a better answer.



Write me for my email, if you like. What I can say that will hopefully encourage you is to remember that our numbers are growing very fast. Maybe you could even talk to the flakes in your neighborhood and give them some counsel on what it's really about. There's a chance someone there has a kernal of possibility to want to be the real thing once they get over their stupid reasons.



Best of luck to you, Em
Steve C
2009-04-18 20:10:24 UTC
Not quite in the same boat as you as my partner's Pagan. She of a Hedge-witch type tradition, but has druidical inputs too, where as I'm more of an Animist/Magican. Few years we got right fed up with the moots around us what with the back biting and general "nastiness" that was flying around (some directed at my partner personally, perhaps because she lived of the land/was "green" back in the 80s so knows from practical experience that a lot of the "green" stuff that's coming through into Paganism today is absolute rubbish, and she'll say so) Haven't been back since



We tend to go to the odd day event, and we try to attend one Pagan camp a year. Other then that we get on with our life and practise on our own.



Regards Beltane just think about what it means to you. Perhaps spend the night outside, in place that's special to you. If you can light a fire for him to "play with", and provide your husband with a bit of alcohol I'm sure he wont mind. (NB most pagan's recon the nearest weekend is close enough for the celebration)



You've probably already read material by Rae Beth.

and A Witch Alone by Marian Green.



If you want to get in touch send me a message, and can see how things go from there.
yavanna_vanyari
2009-04-22 16:04:40 UTC
Hello.You've spoken to my heart.I am lonely too and in search for a friend.My husband is not pagan and he laughs at magic and says occult practices are not there.It's really weakening my will and takes away my joy of life,because I want to study,now i want to especially practice but he is always the drag down net,not only in my magical practices but in any other positive attempts that require action and changing of given terms,or changing in general.i don't know what to do.I really need a reassuring friend,I feel magic,I breath magic,since I was a little girl I felt..I don't know if there is a word to describe it..I have an altar,did very few spells but I am not sure they work.I was cautious,I collected (I have an occult library with over 5000 occult books).My motto is "never stop learning"...but I feel so lonely.Hope we can be friends,and chase that loneliness away.
☥ Kirra Blackhart ☥
2009-04-18 20:59:17 UTC
I have felt the same way on the odd occasion. I joined a few pagan yahoo groups, and then joined a couple of Ning groups (much better than yahoo groups). However the thing with Yahoo Groups is you can search by locality and find something in your area.



Forums and Groups are good because they allow you to chat to likeminded people when you have the time available, but when you are busy you dont have to deal with them.
Crystal clear
2009-04-20 08:29:19 UTC
When you say you've tried witchvox - did you look under all the options like individual adult listings, events, and such too? Honestly, I was poking around there one day for my home state and stumbled upon a group that meets regularly at a farm that's literally 2 miles away from my house - they've been around for years and I had never heard of them until I stumbled upon an event listing at The Witches Voice, which hadn't been there the last time I looked there. Keep checking there for things that may be within reasonable driving distance for you - and as soon as you find something - an open circle or event being held some weekend, even if it's an hour's drive or so, go and mix and mingle. Networking really helps. I started out driving to circles & events that were a little over an hour away and making friends to keep in touch with and through those contacts, I was directed to events and shops and things much closer to home that I had never found when looking on my own. If you find some individuals listed in your area, you may want to suggest a local meetup - once a month afternoon tea at a central coffee shop or restaurant, or something like that. If you find there's a large bookstore central to your contacts that has a cafe in it, that would be perfect.



That's kind of one downfall for pagans in that the pagan community doesn't advertise much, if at all, so it often takes a lot of patience and networking before you find the like-minded folks and gatherings that are closer to home. And of course, the closer you are to the southern states may make it a little more difficult for you. Esp. when you're right in or not far from the "Bible belt" areas where pagans tend to me even more so "in the broom closet". They are much more open in my North Eastern area of New England.



As others have suggested, you may not have specifically pagan shops near you, but perhaps you have some holistic health centers or an apothecary or two nearby - places that focus on alternative healing practices and/or herbs/incense/oils, etc. - these are the types of places you are likely to find some others like yourself.



And for the meantime and in-between times, I would suggest joining an online egroup or two. There are tons of pagan egroups, Yahoo Groups, MSN Groups, etc. This will help you with networking with others who are on similar spiritual paths and you will have some common interests with. I find belonging to a couple online groups helps to supplement personal studies. You can jump in on discussions, ask questions, and see different viewpoints on various subjects which helps to prompt you to look at them from different angles and learn more about them. Many of these types of groups have their own chatrooms as well for the occasional real-time discussions and social time.



As far as your hubby - find some seasonal activities that you can do together to honor the Sabbats and other things that are important to you in relation to your spirituality. (i.e. - for Earth Day, my boyfriend and I are planning to go take an after work walk around the neighborhood and pick up litter from the sides of the streets to be disposed of properly.) When you do your part to preserve the natural world, this honors the gods. You can always do a solitary ritual when you want to offer up some more formal prayers and gratitudes - but get your hubby involved in some occasional activities that aren't focused so much on the "religious" aspect, but still connects you spiritually, to your path as well as to your husband.



My boyfriend is from a Jewish family - we manage to find ways to share in the values that we both believe in and honor them, and sometimes that entails just sharing in common interests together that may not seem "religious", but can be very spiritual and enjoyable for both of us. I'm very lucky in the fact that my sweetie really enjoys the outdoors and is appreciative of the beauty of nature, so this makes it very easy for me to find activities that will satisfy both of us and keep me feeling spiritually "connected". But then, who doesn't enjoy getting out on a nice sunny spring day and getting a little fresh air and sunshine?



For Beltane - you and your husband could get some Spring flowers for your home, go for a nature walk (any state parks nearby you?), and cook a seasonal/Sabbat related meal for dinner (light some candles considering this is a fire festival and have a romantic candlelit dinner & desert, and you could save some to leave outdoors for an offering.) - and/or, if you have a fireplace or a place to have a fire outdoors in your yard - you could spend some time around the fire there too. The possibilities are really endless if you start thinking "outside the ritual circle" a little bit. ;)



Enjoy!



Blessings.
2009-04-18 19:58:38 UTC
Maybe someone here can help you find like minded people in your area if you share where you are from.
2009-04-18 19:56:18 UTC
I choose not to be lonely. Simple for me because I hate everybody
2009-04-18 20:01:43 UTC
I feel for you. That was one factor in me leaving Paganism. I hope you find more support if this is truly your path.


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