Question:
How do I move on from my abusive A.A sponsor who happens to be a Catholic Priest?
Dollface33
2010-08-01 10:24:30 UTC
In a nut shell, I am very new to recovery from alcohol and drugs.I was introduced to my Sponsor by my Therapist. I heard A.A. recommends same gender sponsorship roles, but figured because my Therapist knew him and that he was a Catholic Priest things would be okay. I was abandoned by my biological father and have a history of abusive relationships with men.

When I met him he really took a keen interest in me. He dedicated so much of his time to me, paid me so many compliments, showered me with gifts, talked to me several times a day, saw me almost everyday, took me out to dinner regularly, even spayed his cologne on stuffed animals he gave me. I know this was inappropriate now, but I felt loved and just did not see it for what it truly was at the time. He was the first man I ever trusted, and he ended up hurting me very immensely. He became very controlling and everything became about his approval of me. He became abusive like the other men I have known in my life ( nothing sexual just emotional and verbal)

I decided to end this Sponsorship/Relationship but still tried to mend the relationship a couple more times before I truly send enough is enough. I am angry as he was supposed to help me and he was well aware of my emotional issues, attachment/abandonment issues.

I am trying to move on, but this is still very recent. I pray to God and have a good support team, but I'm wondering if any one has any thoughts or encouragement?

Thank you so much for reading....
Fourteen answers:
average jane
2010-08-01 10:39:38 UTC
He took advantage of your situation to meet his own selfish needs (dominating somebody else). Additionally, he is a disgrace to his church. Talk it over w/your therapist and I might also suggest informing his advisor. But, if you do confront the church, do it w/the assistance of your therapist, so he doesn't turn the talbes on you. The showering of gifts alone is innappropriate. Good luck and stay sober!
YY4Me
2010-08-01 17:36:22 UTC
AA doesn't have a good track record, so you might want to consider finding something that actually works. If your therapist suggested AA, and an inappropriate sponsor, it might also be time to find a new therapist.

- - -



12 Step Program of AA

Thoughtful Critique & Analysis

http://www.alternatives-for-alcoholism.com/12-step-program-of-aa.html

[Excerpt]



"Most people are also not aware, that the 12 step program of AA is not very successful, as a matter of fact, the 12 Step program of AA is pretty much a failure. Statistics that are reliable and consistent are difficult to find, because they are heavily influenced by an unwillingness to share the truth about drinking behaviors and who conducts the research. However, the most reliable research reveals that the success rate ranges somewhere between .01 and 2.5 percent for long-term sobriety. Long-term sobriety is defined as more than five years. Other research teaches us that approximately .05 percent of all alcoholics quit drinking without any type of treatment, so this means that the 12 step program of AA is not even as successful as spontaneous remission."

* * *



Alcoholics Anonymous 5 percent success rate.

Based on information from Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

http://www.homerecovery.us/aa5rate.html

[Excerpt]



"According to Alcoholics Anonymous it has a 5 percent success rate. A brief intervention such as the Jude Thaddeus Home Recovery Program has a 30 percent success rate. The six-week Jude Thaddeus Program at the Saint Jude Retreat House offers a 65 percent success rate. And three months in the Jude Thaddeus Extended Education Program (www.soberforever.org) provides a 65 percent success rate. So why on earth would anybody go to Alcoholics Anonymous or any other 12-step program?"

* * *



The Effectiveness of the Twelve-Step Treatment

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-effectiveness.html

[Excerpt]



"... Even the most ardent true believers who will be honest about it recognize that A.A. and N.A. have at least 90% failure rates. And the real numbers are more like 95% or 98% or 100% failure rates. It depends on who is doing the counting, how they are counting, and what they are counting or measuring."

* * *



Reference materials on the failure rates of Alcoholics Anonymous (12 Step) Programs

http://www.henze-associates.com/blog/2006/06/08/cal/reference-materials-on-the-failure-rates-of-alcoholics-anonymous-12-step-programs/

[Excerpt]



"Probably the most richly government funded and the most poorly researched program in existence is AA. It is a program that claims to bring freedom to millions — whom it tells will always be alcoholics, must attend meetings for the rest of their natural life and must spend such, “Working their program.” Not surprisingly, it has a failure rate of at least 80% and probably is failing at a rate of 95%. ..."

* * *



AA efficacy rates

http://www.cbtrecovery.org/AAefficacyrates.htm

[Excerpt]



"AA's own analysis was that 50% of all those who try AA leave within 90 days, which they describe as cause for 'concern'. Their own data shows that is actually optimistic. In the 12-year period shown, 19% remain after 30 days, 10% remain after 90 days, and 5% remain after a year.



"The retention rate of AA is 5% after one year."

.
city-girl
2010-08-02 14:26:19 UTC
The present day record for catholic priests is dismal. Few really honour the Lord and His Word, are just in it because of their own social madaptations. If your instincts tell you to get out of the relationship, run, don't walk.

Join another support group and ask for help in choosing someone to help you through your addictions.



Yes, prayer is the best way. God will not forsake you. He is higher than all our problems.
♣Jim♦
2010-08-01 17:31:35 UTC
That's a shame. I hope and pray you'll find a man that will treat you with respect and as an equal, because that's how men should treat women. It's also how women should treat men.
happygael
2010-08-01 18:08:20 UTC
"He became abusive like the other men I have known in my life.?

I have difficulty believing this story.

It reads as if you are trolling for sympathy and an outpouring of rage directed against priests etc.
Bear
2010-08-01 17:28:45 UTC
i'm sure if u contact aa they will get a new sponsor for u . also make them aware that this man is not agood choice and suggest they review his performance. Good Luck!
?
2010-08-01 22:58:20 UTC
hi, i'm shane, and it sounds like,you get trapped in these addicted sponserships,let me fisrt tell you a little bit about me,an then i'll give you some feedback, an remember,''my experience'' as we were all raised in the catholic church . an my mom took me away from it when i

was young, an, i also had a rough life, cause i never thought i was good enough, it may look like peaches an cream, from thee outside, but it was hell inside an outside, i spent 5years on the streets, an it

took me along time before i finnaly woke up, an wanted to change, i've been robbed 8times, cause

i attracted the wrong people who thought they were my freinds

but wer'nt..Anyway,,some preachers are on a power trip

kick, an try to put themselfs above god an put you down , but i i have learned from it, to

not be that way, an not to blame others, an controll others, i want to blame my family sometimes

cause they wer'nt always there, for me, like i wanted them to be, but they have there own kids to deal with,

an they think once your 18 your on your own, an it took me along time to not be so dependent on my mother, who was always there for me, an now that i've realizesd,i put myself through hell, an finnaly realized that it was me?,but now i own a house, an i think i'm starting to realize that i'm finnally becoming a human being, now!,My experience, that changed my life was through a natural

psychedelic, when i finnaly was open to thee experience, an ready to change!, an it changed

my life, and opened me up, an freed me from, my negativity an addictions an bad ways of thinking

an allowed me to see myself from within, that it was me an not them, as i always thought it was.

now,my experience with them, when i was a kid, is that, all my pastors that i depended on,

have seem to all see themselfs as gods?, an it took a long time to realize that they wer'nt? an when

they started really seeing them selfs as gods, it took me awhile, but i caught on,to it, that they were controlling me, an when i seen that! i got up out of there! cause no man is god, an god is not seperate

from us, we are all one with god, we are one in the same god it's not a white man with a white beard.

also, you should not put your faith an trust in any man, an we are all conected to to the one an she

who i choose to call as my higher power the eternal lovelight! an she is a loving god an not a hating one, ya see it's ''both!'' ''god'' is not above us or below us, we are equall, with her,as she is within, but as i must point out, that

we all have are own different walk of life, an if i can give you a suggestion, to read some books on

ram dass or timothy leary, who populerized THINK FOR YOURSELF! AND QUESTION-AUTHORITY

Which is the best advice a freind could give you, even the bible does'nt say that, an you know why!

cause in the 4th century the christans took alot of stuff out of there,that wer'nt relavent to what they

they wanted, which was to run the church the way they wanted to run it, power control an munipulate

people out of there money, using faith as a tool to play god, an be little somebody, like they tried to do with me, an i caught on to it, an they got mad, cause they did'nt have the power over me anymore.

an they harrased me until i had to threaten them, with a lawsuit, an then they finnaly gave up,an now

everytime i see them, they give me nasty mean looks, an this was in a penacostal church,when i

did'nt have a place to stay,an,i could go on, but i want to here more from you,,and how i can be of help

i would like to become good freinds with you, i am on facebook, i will ad you to it if you want, to

email me it is shanebes@gmail.com i hope i have enlightend you, i am a very open minded person, an

remember, that what works for me might not work for you,ok? write back, an you can feal

free to talk to me anytime, i hope i was of help. love yerself, from a sincere freind,shane,

an a quick quote is to''Think for yourself is to question Authority! And to Thinik for your self is to put

yourself in a state of ''vulnerable''-open-mindedness-Caotic-confused-vulnerablility! to inform yourself! ok cut!.that should keep ya thinking for a while,, talk soon an take care, can't wait to here from ya. bye!



BEST!
2010-08-01 17:29:39 UTC
Sorry this happened. All I can tell you is that all guys are not like this.



I hope that you find one that loves and respects you for who you are.



Love and blessings Don
Sjnoring Vjerilood
2010-08-01 17:27:07 UTC
This was a good step. You, yourself, ended an abusive relationship.
Bilbo
2010-08-01 17:27:40 UTC
We're men... we take whatever power we're given.



Don't let any dude have that sort of control over you. If he wants it, it's for his own gain.
Celt Pagan
2010-08-01 17:25:42 UTC
Tell your therapist.
2010-08-01 17:27:09 UTC
get counseling and learn how to forgive. Jesus would do that.
2010-08-01 17:28:52 UTC
catholics. wat can u do. jus pray to Jesus. he's d guy dat'll help u
2010-08-01 17:25:59 UTC
KILL HIM i mean spirtualy , you do not wat to jail


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