Even growing up, I had questions . . . and yes, I too grew up "fundyroller." And *was* one . . . those who say you "have to understand it by the Holy Spirit," well, yeah, and I've been there, done that too.
It's still horrible, horrible stuff---there are some wonderful allegories and fables and poems and metaphors wound all through it, and in books like Hebrews in the NT, some very advanced esoteric/mystical instructions and teachings . . . but the package, as a whole, is wrapped around one central message:
You are not good enough.
You will never BE good enough.
Your loving Creator thinks you are filthy scum.
You're SO bad he took his anger at you out on his own son.
Somebody else had to die horribly and brutally just because of how rotten YOU are.
Even after THAT, nine out of ten people are going to be horribly and brutally tortured *forever* because you're all evil, rotten, filthy scum.
I mean . . . wow. o_O
Who needs that? What kind of "loving god" would put that kind of s*** on people HE made? It's ludicrous.
The godhs of my ancestors are carved from the earth itself, carried in the blood and hearts of their descendants, immanent within the sunshine and summer rains, springing up within the wheat . . . they are not perfect, or even immortal, but they are OUR godhs, and we . . . are good enough for them.