If you haven't read The God Delusion, waste no more time and go out and get it and read it. Alternatively, if you read Letter to a Christian Nation, it is shorter and says lots of the same thing. Ditto, Atheist Universe.
I know it is very confusing to wonder where all this came from and how did it get here, etc, but the fact is that simpler systems do not come from more complex systems. Evolution creates simple systems, from which more complex systems evolve.
So, you ask, if there is a god who created all this, who created that god? The clear answer is that things don't work that way, bc that argument goes on forever!
There are 3 possiblities that are outlined in Atheist Universe. First, as you know, there is mass and there is energy, and these cannot be created or destroyed, only changed from one form to another. This is sometimes called mass-energy.
The 3 possiblities are:
1. mass-energy has never existed
2. nothing existed, and mass-energy came out of that nothing ness
or
3. there has always been mass-energy
We can eliminate the 1st one immediately, since here we all are. The second one violates that pronciple of physics which states that you cannot get something from nothing. So we are left with the truth that there has always been something.
Then you may ask, if the Big Bang started the Universe, what was before the Big Bang? This one is hard to grasp sometimes, bc we tend to think linearly, that things have a biginning and an end. The Universe started with the Big Bang, at which point everything went from a very tiny amount of matter to an explosion of matter outward. What was before that? Scientists think perhaps it was the Big Crunch, in which all matter is falling back toward the center, to explode once again, to be thrust outward again, then to fall back into the tiny point again, and that this has ALWAYS been.
The idea of somethign having existed forever is hard, but think of it this way: a flea cannot understand algebra, through no fault of its own but simply bc its brain is not evolved enough to understand the information. I think that this is the way things are and have always been,. but that it is beyond the capacity of our brains to grasp that thoroughly.
Anyhow, I hope I have helped you out of your mental funk. Really, if you pick up any of these 3 books, you will be hooked, if this topic is of interest to you. It is to me, a lot!
Regards,
Lady Morgana