"I went to church 10 years never once experienced any type of feeling he was real"
Reality isn't determined by feelings. You know this in every other aspect of your life.
"I just don't see how god judges you of "believing" in him and doing good. He should judge you of your actions on earth and not believing. For example I'm an atheist I don't go around killing people, I help out, I volunteer at Susan g komen every year, I give to others, I treat others with care as I would like to be treated. You see where I'm going just cause I'm atheist doesn't mean I'm a devil satanic demon like y'all like to portray us."
This is a total misunderstanding. God doesn't judge you and say "You are good enough. Go to that pearly gate." "You umm sorry. Head south." None of us is sinless. All of us eventually hurt ourselves and others (which is what sin is). Jesus lived perfectly. So that he can credit his life to us. If we accept it and want to live with him, he accepts us. If we don't, we die.
I don't think you are a devil satanic demon. I think you are a survivor of chilidhood religious abuse which left you confused and hurt.
Why I believe the Bible:
Proofs for the Bible:
The Bible has a remarkable internal cohesion in spite of being written over hundreds of years by people of various social classes, and even languages.
The prophecies in the Bible have come true. Including ones that have manuscripts that are older than the fulfillment of the prophecy. Daniel 2 predicts Western history to the present:
Daniel is an wiseman in training in the service of the king of Nebechadnezzer. Nebechadnezzer has a dream that he can't remember but it troubles him. Daniel prays, the dream is revealed and he tells it and the interpretation to the king:
31 Thou, O king, sawest, and behold a great image. This great image, whose brightness was excellent, stood before thee; and the form thereof was terrible.
32 This image's head was of fine gold, his breast and his arms of silver, his belly and his thighs of brass,
33 His legs of iron, his feet part of iron and part of clay.
34 Thou sawest till that a stone was cut out without hands, which smote the image upon his feet that were of iron and clay, and brake them to pieces.
35 Then was the iron, the clay, the brass, the silver, and the gold, broken to pieces together, and became like the chaff of the summer threshingfloors; and the wind carried them away, that no place was found for them: and the stone that smote the image became a great mountain, and filled the whole earth.
36 This is the dream; and we will tell the interpretation thereof before the king.
37 Thou, O king, art a king of kings: for the God of heaven hath given thee a kingdom, power, and strength, and glory.
38 And wheresoever the children of men dwell, the beasts of the field and the fowls of the heaven hath he given into thine hand, and hath made thee ruler over them all. Thou art this head of gold. [Babylon]
39 And after thee shall arise another kingdom inferior to thee, and another third kingdom of brass, which shall bear rule over all the earth. [Greece]
40 And the fourth kingdom shall be strong as iron [Rome had iron weapons which cut the brass swords of the Greeks in two]: forasmuch as iron breaketh in pieces and subdueth all things: and as iron that breaketh all these, shall it break in pieces and bruise.
41 And whereas thou sawest the feet and toes, part of potters' clay, and part of iron, the kingdom shall be divided; [Post Roman Europe] but there shall be in it of the strength of the iron, forasmuch as thou sawest the iron mixed with miry clay.
42 And as the toes of the feet were part of iron, and part of clay, so the kingdom shall be partly strong, and partly broken.
43 And whereas thou sawest iron mixed with miry clay, they shall mingle themselves with the seed of men: but they shall not cleave one to another, even as iron is not mixed with clay.
44 And in the days of these kings shall the God of heaven set up a kingdom, which shall never be destroyed: and the kingdom shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand for ever.
45 Forasmuch as thou sawest that the stone was cut out of the mountain without hands, [God's kingdom at the end of history] and that it brake in pieces the iron, the brass, the clay, the silver, and the gold; the great God hath made known to the king what shall come to pass hereafter: and the dream is certain, and the interpretation thereof sure.
Ezekial 26:1-14 God declares that Tyrus will be destroyed and never rebuilt.
vs 14 And I will make thee like the top of a rock: thou shalt be a place to spread nets upon; thou shalt be built no more: for I the Lord have spoken it, saith the Lord God. The Bible and Torah could be disproven by just rebuilding Tyre.
In Ezekial 28:21- 23predicts the trials of Sidon "23 For I will send into her pestilence, and blood into her streets; and the wounded shall be judged in the midst of her by the sword upon her on every side; and they shall know that I am the Lord."
In Ezekial's day Tyre was the much stronger city than Sidon, yet Ezekial correctly predicted Sidon would be hurt, but Tyre would be utterly destroyed.
Isaiah 19, Ezekial 29 and 30 predict Egypt will be debased at a time when it was a world power. That prediction was not fulfilled until after the time of Christ, but Egypt has never been able to regain her glory.
Zecharaiah 9:5 5 Ashkelon shall see it, and fear; Gaza also shall see it, and be very sorrowful, and Ekron; for her expectation shall be ashamed; and the king shall perish from Gaza, and Ashkelon shall not be inhabited.
In AD 1270, it was destroyed by the Sultan Beibars. Since then it has not been inhabited.
None of the disciples changed or retracted their stories in spite of inhuman persecution. They probably weren’t lying. They spoke of high profile people (Pilot the governor, Joseph of Armethia the Supreme Court Justice, Nicodemus the Bishop) who were living when they told the story. So it was easily falsifiable. Yet no one stepped up to call them liars.
The Jews were a small band of people that lived in the area of Mesopotamia in the time of the Phoenicians, the Lydians, etc. Even the Babylonians have been absorbed or destroyed. Why do the Jews continue to survive and prosper with their culture intact in spite of almost universal hatred? As an amateur historian I would say that the Jews should have been wiped out before written history. However, as a Bible student I am not surprised. It was just as the Bible predicted it should be.
This same argument can be made for the survival of Christianity. The Christians were a very small band of an off shoot of a unpopular religion. They should have been wiped out by the Jews and / or the Romans within the lifetime of the apostles. Yet, just 300 years later, we find Constantine converting to keep his empire for splitting because there are too many Christians for the Roman army to subdue them.
Anthropology
Biblical cities not recorded in secular works have been found in the conditions the Bible predicts. One of the most obvious is Sodom and Gomorrah.
Personal Evidence:
What I know for sure is that God gives me peace beyond my imagination, and is slowly changing me from my bitter, violent past into a kinder, gentler person. I know that you don't give this kind of evidence much credibility, but in my experience it can't be denied.
Psychology:
The venom of the anti-religious is one of the best proofs of religion. Normally people don't fight against things they don't believe in with great passion. They do fight against things they know are true, that they can't deal with that way.
As far as being changed. The oldest manuscripts we have, The Dead Sea Scrolls seem to show it hasn't been changed significantly since 65 AD