Just curious ... can you elaborate on your issue with Jesus / Messiah? Is it the whole trinity thing with the Catholic church? For the record, I don't believe in the trinity doctrine.
I was raised in a Christian household. My parents became Jehovah's Witnesses when I was young. My father had been Catholic and my mother attended whatever church was closest to whenever her family moved when she was growing up. As a teenager I believed that there was a God, but I felt very strongly that there were way too many religions in the world to ever know which, if any, was true. Unlike the opinions of so many people who will say bad things about Witnesses, my childhood was wonderful. My parents are wonderful, caring people. They will be married for 50 years this August, so my family life was stable. Growing up without holidays didn't scar me for life the way people try to say that it does. Just the opposite actually. I don't appreciate being lied to, knowing that my parents cared enough about me not to lie to me made me feel loved and secure.
I have never felt that a person should simply inherit the religion of their parents. So when you think of Jesus' mother, Mary, you automatically think of a Jewish woman, don't you? Admit it, you do. Yet in the end, she became a Christian. She changed her faith from that of her parents...and that was a HUGE thing back then. I find it amazing that no one ever thinks about that.
I dabbled with a variety of spiritual paths. I looked into things that most people would say I probably shouldn't have just out of curiosity. My sister looked into becoming Wiccan, but back in our day (the 80's) small towns didn't really have a variety of alternative spiritual paths to choose from.
I am a researcher by nature and a paralegal, thus also a researcher by profession. In my mid-twenties I went to visit my parents and my mother was studying with someone. I sat quietly waiting for her to finish. I could hear the woman's questions and I became curious about religion again myself. I went home that day and thought about it. I decided that I would do my own research. If I could figure out which religion was "true" then great. If I couldn't, then that was fine too. I'm not one to waste time, and going to church was something I would definitely consider a waste of time if there is even the slightest bit of doubt.
I spent 2 years researching world religions ... their origins, belief systems, etc. Everything ... Islam, Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity, Shintoism, Judaism, you name it. I had charts, documents, spreadsheets, etc. In the end I narrowed it down to Judaism and Christianity. Ultimately, the big difference between the two came down to the Messiah.
I know, I know...not what you want to hear. Bear with me though. There is a reason for everything, and keep in mind that I honestly did do my research. If you don't believe me, I challenge you to do the same...BUT...and this is a serious but...KEEP AN OPEN MIND WHILE YOU'RE DOING IT! That means no automatically crossing out Christianity because it has a Messiah/Jesus that you don't want to acknowledge because something happened or someone did something in your past. Back to the facts.
Judaism was still waiting for the Messiah, Christianity had claimed to have found him.
The problem which could not be resolved with Judaism is that the Messiah must come from the Davidic line. At this point, there is no way to prove that. When Jerusalem was destroyed in 70 C.E., all of the genealogical records were destroyed as well. Thus, there is no accurate way for anyone to confirm, should someone come along claiming Messiahship, that he is or is not said Messiah.
On the other hand, Jesus met every qualification and fulfilled every prophecy of the Messiah.
I was a little worried with regard to the numerous denominations of Christianity. But once I began to look at it, it really wasn't all that hard. An apostasy was foretold in the Bible. That apostasy started immediately after the death of the last apostles.
In Jesus' parable about the wheat and the weeds, he said the wheat and the weeds would be allowed to grow together until the harvest because until that time there would be no way to know which was which. But the closer the harvest gets, the clearer the distinction between the two would be.
One identifying factor of true Christians is found at John 13:35 - Jesus said his true followers would have love among themselves. This was one of the ways that I was able to narrow down a huge section of denominations of Christianity. How can an entire "Christian" denomination claim to be followers of Christ if they go to war and kill their own members? Catholics going to war against other Catholics ... Baptists killing Baptists ... Lutherans killing Lutherans ... etc.? They can't. That isn't love. In fact, according to the scriptures, you're supposed to love even your enemies.
For those denominations that speak in tongues, apparently they never read 1 Corinthians 13:8 which says that speaking in tongues would be done away with. Its purpose had been served. In fact, if people today realized what was actually happening they would be scared to death...and rightly so.
Regarding Catholics, I've always been amazed at the utter disregard for scripture. They go completely against it and no one ever questions it. I've never been able to figure out whether it's simply that Catholics don't read their Bibles or that know it but they just don't care. For instance, how do you reconcile the following:
Catholics call their priests Father, yet when Jesus was talking to the crowds and his disciples concerning the scribes and Pharisees concerning their haughtiness, at Matthew 23:9 he told them: "Moreover, do not call anyone your father on earth, for one is your Father, the heavenly one."
Another factor that I considered was the fact that in the Hebrew scriptures, God was ALWAYS extremely clear with His people that they were never to mix their worship with the worship of the neighboring nations. With this in mind, any denominations that have teachings that run contrary to what was taught by Jesus and the first century disciples cannot be true. So viewing certain doctrinal teachings, when they became doctrine, where they originated, etc., was helpful.
Some of the very things that I grew up with my parents teaching me about were actually pretty helpful. Like Christmas, Easter, etc. The origin of each of these holidays have their roots in pagan festivals. Most people say, what does it matter? Its just a fun time to get together with family? It doesn't mean that now. How about asking God what HE thinks. He may not see it that way. He didn't back when the Israelites said the same thing when they dedicated a festival to Him. It's disrespectful and wrong. You may not see it that way, but it's not a matter of how you see it. It's a matter of how GOD sees it.
An additional prophecy that Jesus spoke of at Matthew 24:14 helps to identify his true followers as well. Matthew was responding to his disciples when asked what would be the sign of his presence and the conclusion of the system of things (before Armageddon). He spoke of a work that would be performed concerning the Kingdom of God. He said: "And this good news of the Kingdom will be preached in all the inhabited earth for a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come." There is only one group doing this work today ... Jehovah's Witnesses.
So to sum up, I found what I was looking for. I'm one of Jehovah's Witnesses. My parents had it right when they found what they were looking for. I could have trusted them to begin with, but then it wouldn't have been my journey.
I know you didn't ask for a book and I'm sorry. I can be pretty wordy sometimes. I just know that if you sincerely wanting to believe in God, then you've got to start somewhere and sometimes when lost we all have a tendency to think that where we were is the last place we want to go back to. Christianity and Catholicism are two separate things...please don't confuse the two. If you're going to look for God, then look for Him with an open mind and heart.
I'm sure there will be a ton of thumbs down and probably some negative comments about JWs. I don't care about that. Negativity toward Jesus' followers is part of the territory ... there are scriptures about that too! :)
May Jehovah bless your efforts!