LDS ONLY PLEASE! My little brothers are addicted to porn! HELP!!!!?

Question

I have 3 younger brothers, 18, 15 and 13. the 18 year old has really been acting up lately, and things kinda came to a head last night...I was praying really hard, hoping that anything I could do would help, finally, I received an impression that I needed to check the browser histories in each of the computers in the house (because of business and me being in college there are 4 in my house). It was an almost audible prompting telling me that there was porn in my house and so today after work I checked the browsers while everyone was gone. the only clean ones were mine and my moms, I talked to my 2 youngest brothers after they got home from school about how concerned I was, (thinking it was the 18 year old who had been doing it), when to my surprise the 15 year old looked at me and said that his friend has got him into porn on the bus almost a year ago, but that he has stopped looking at it almost 3 months ago because he knew it was wrong and that he had been trying to block it because it was such a temptation but was still unsuccessful, when I mentioned that there had been viewings as recently as this week the 13 year old broke down and admitted that it was him, that he also had a friend that got him into porn on the bus, and that he didnt say anything because he didnt want to get into any trouble....so now I live in a home with 4 priesthood holders...and possible that all of them are into porn...what do I do?! (obviously since my distress is great enough, I would appreciate it if you trolls found a place to spam elsewhere, I would really only like sincere answers please) Thanks

Answer 1

@my house - it would be 'family meeting' time.....I would print off the histories and have them just in case. Ask them about it. let them know that this is coming from love and concern and not judgement. this is tough - but internet porn has fast become one of the leading causes of family problems, and should not be ignored.



good luck.

Answer 2

I think you should have a family home evening about it. Find some good talks about porn, come up with ways to avoid it, and be each others support system. I think a very very important thing for you to do is to get a good internet filter that blocks porn sites. They'll also have to talk to the bishop, perhaps they could all schedule for times that are right by each other so you could all go together as a family and be there to support each other.

This almost reminds me of the time my brother had to see the bishop, I had to see the bishop, and my dad had to see the bishop, and my mom tagged along for support. We were all scheduled for times right next to each other. I don't know what my little brother and my dad did though, but we were still there to support each other.

Answer 3

There are programs you can put on the computer to make sure they do not rotate to those place or they make everything fuzzy so the images do are not pleasing to them, btu you have to be aware they may try to get the porno someplace else, but at least it won;t be coming into the house anymore...you can get porno off of youtube and another one I can email that one to you, because I don;t want anyone to know about it, its free and you can even get torture, and S and M off of it, so I won;t post it here, and its free. You can set the computer out int he open where all can see what everyoen is viewing like the frontroom or kitchen, that way no one has any privacy and no one can navigate to a porno site, I hope you all have one computer in the house and no laptops. Porno can also come from magazines, even adds they pass by like hooters is a bad one to remind guys of what they saw on a porno site. So some guys can;t even go into the hooters resturante.

Answer 4

I have been in your shoes, and my heart goes out to you. You have a very long and difficult path ahead of you, but remember that you're not alone. Your Father in Heaven is obviously already trying to help you deal with this. Trust in Him.



That said, you need to go to your parents. This is not your burden. Your parents absolutely need to be involved. Maybe you should give your brothers a chance to tell themselves, but if they won't, you must. This isn't the sort of thing that goes away on its own, and there are too many possible and life-changing consequences to what they were or are doing. If you love them, you'll tell your parents.



Also, keep in mind that pornography IS addictive. When people look at porn, their bodies begin releasing chemicals and endorphins that are absolutely addicting. Just as you can't really expect most alcoholics to go cold turkey and succeed, you can't expect your brothers to just quit. It doesn't work that way, unfortunately. They will need counseling, spiritual and possibly professional. Leaving them to deal with it on their own will not work at all.



Until you get them into the bishop--and they will need to speak to him--you can do a few things to help. First, do not let them have access to any computers. Take away any laptops, or at least lock the computers and don't give them the passwords. If they need to use one for school, have them sit where the screen can be viewed by someone else. Never leave them alone with a computer. Also, it wouldn't hurt to put a kiddie rating system on the TV. Make sure their phones do not have access to the Net, and be careful about who you let into your home. Remember, their friends have also been helping them access porn. Taking away their things but letting them spend time with questionable friends would be completely counterproductive. Know where they are and who they're with, and don't just trust someone because they're also Mormon.



It seems harsh to do all of this, but it's necessary. Would you leave alcohol next to an alcoholic? Absolutely not, and this isn't any different. Help them fight the addiction by removing as much of the temptation as you can. Along with the counseling and your support, this will help them kick this.



And please don't ever forget that what they're doing can have eternal consequences. They're chasing the spirit from their lives, possibly hurting their relationships with their family and their future spouses, and allowing themselves to be guided by what is not of God. As harsh as all this seems, you--but mostly your parents!--owe it to them to do this. And one day, when they're eternally married and enjoying the blessings of being obedient, they'll thank you.



If you have any questions, I'm here. Like I said, I've been in your shoes, and I know exactly what you're going through. If I can help in any way, I'm willing.

Answer 5

Pornography addiction has been my major focus in my psychology education.



Recovery is difficult, determination and willingness to get up again and again after falling down are the only hopes for progress because it is and will be difficult but it can be done.



I'm afraid there's no easy answer that I could post in Y!A in such a short space but the fact that your brothers are getting addicted at such a young age is devastating to them, their futures, their wives and children and their social development.



If you want to talk about it via email in much greater detail, drop me a line.



However, this article is by one of the foremost experts on pornography and will give you an idea as to the world your brothers have stepped into and what its doing to them psychologically, socially and

physically



http://www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/brain.pdf

Answer 6

Yup--family council time; your parents needs to know.



Porn was the beginning of the end for my last marriage. First my ex started looking at it when we got our first PC back in '93. Then he started chatting with ladies that posted their pics--some "married but looking" on the websites. Then he started meeting them in real life. And his habits haven't changed to this day--he goes from girlfriend to girlfriend while I am happily married to a man that doesn't ever look at porn. Porn has caused such misery in my life.



It's like a drug--don't even try it once.

Answer 7

She saaaiiidd, Lds Only! If they know it is wrong then it is a good way to handle it. You can all come together for a prayer and a family council. You can put passwords up that will prevent them from going to porn sites. Discuss this in the meeting and tell them that as long as the temptation is there then it is easy to slip up again, hence you putting up the password. If they don't comply then you should get help from your bishop. These boys should be preparing for a mission. Do they know and recite "the standard of truth". Remind them of their obligations and that they should set a better example.

Answer 8

First of all, I do feel for your situation. But you need to calm down. Life is not over.

As an ex mormon. I actually DO AGREE with Phrog's answer! (whoa) lol...



Anyways, yes, I would tell your mom and Perhaps your parents should talk regarding that your Dad might be a part of this, (that would be the four P holders?) and then your parents should sit all you kids down and explain the rules, and expectations for the house. (you ndo not need to be the one telling your brother how it going to be) You parents need to do the disciplining....imho.



If they choose to have a meeting with all the kids and then JUST the kids that confessed to doing it that is up to them. I would not think it would be a good idea to scold and embarrass the boys that admitted it on front of everyone.

Plus as a former mormon, I do not think it would be in the best interest of the family (depending on who all was involved?) to go straight to your Bishop. I believe a family prayer and maybe this "sin repentance" should be between the guilty and the Lord. The forgiveness is right there if you ask and change your ways. (for the ones) As believers of any religions this is the way some sins should be handled. imho.

I really do not mean to be preaching, and I am not saying that the boys and or your father is totally in the wrong. (IT HAPPENS) But they are breaking the rules in the house, and lying to themselves. Plus what you describe sounds excessive, and not healthy for the brothers.

But, embarrassing them to a Bishop and others (ward members) might not be the right thing to do. The ones in the wrong, or whatever you want to call it, can repent on their knees with a sincere heart (tears and all) and change their ways, and receive the same forgiveness as confessing with the mouth. (to any man)

"Take it to the LORD", as believers.



(And to think I was going to give a smart a.. answer. :)



Good Luck to your family, I mean it.

Answer 9

Even though no substances are involved addiction to pornography can be very real...just like addiction to gambling. I would suggest for you to read up on it a bit if you are interested...books from Steven Cramer for example "Putting on the Armor of God". ...also there is a book called "Willpower is not enough" and also another called "Conquering your Goliaths"...these books provide much insight into the problem and offer many helpful ideas. Another good book is "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball.



I would suggest to you to read these or have them read these books to start with.

The scriptures are also probably the BEST resource to find personal revelation to help us fight our spiritual battles and overcome temptations.

I have found the following scriptures to be especially helpful:

1. Ether 12:27 - God can provide ALL the help that is needed to keep ANY commandment at ALL times!....a person must do their part however ---if they don't have enough strength to resist the temptation themselves...the person's part is to be faithful and to be humble...

basically this can be implemented by "praying UNTIL the temptations are gone"....I testify that I know that God can and does send divine strengthening to enable us to resist temptations.

2. Alma 50:1-5 - These speak of the "walls" that were built to fight behind (and towers etc..)...we still must fight...but it is much easier to prevail if we have boundaries that help us.....the boundaries can be expanded upon and expanded upon until a certain level of success is reached...an example of a wall/boundary might be: only to use filtered internet...or perhaps only to use the internet around others...or perhaps in extreme cases...NO internet use (until the addiction is overcome) ETC...

3. D&C 130:20-21 - Recognize the consequences! these actions have natural consequences...what are they? things like: loss of the sacrament, loss of the temple blessings, if serious - even loss of the Priesthood or even loss of membership in the church (excommunication) which ultimately means - no celestial kingdom!...also even dabbling in pornography will lead to the consequence of loss of the spirit...with that = a loss of peace and a loss of joy (the fruits of the spirit - Gal. 5:22)

4. Alma 52/ 58 - these chapters teach to stay within your walls to fight...don't break your boundaries...that is one main way people in the walled cities were destroyed...they came outside their walls...set good boundaries and stick with them!



anyway ...hope this helps some....of course support from others by caring and understanding people is very helpful as well!

Answer 10

Your brothers need to talk to their dad and their bishop first off. then I would suggest that you block those websites. I would suggest that your dad talk to them every week to see how they are doing. This is really hard to get a over so you need to keep a watch on them for a while.

Answer 11

You said there were 4 in your house and with your 3 brothers and you I am wondering where your parents are. They should be the ones to dole out consequences but if you are the one in charge and their are no parents then you have to take action.



First, just confronting the issue is not enough. Remember, this is an addiction and you caught them they did not come to you. Therefore you must have immediate and hard consequences. So hard that they will not want to see porn again.



It will be easier for you if your 18 year old brother is not also watching porn because you will have his support as well.



It will be hard for the two of you to put up with the consequences as well because it might involve just not having a computer for awhile. Their are companies that provide filtering for your computer too and when they finally have endured the period of time that you set up for no computer at all, then these protections need to be in place.



Second, I would suggest not allowing them to hang out at any time anymore with those friends that got them into it. Also, the parents of those kids that got them into it need to be informed as well. If they are decent people they will not want their kids involved in it either.



Third, try taking a few privileges away from the two younger brothers that they really really like. Weather it be hanging out with friends, nintendo, whatever, choose something that will really bring the message home to them that this type of behavior will not be accepted. You may want to make this period of time for this particular punishment shorter than the one on the ban from the computer.



Fourth, realize that even though you love them they cannot be trusted to not watch porn even at their friends house. Trust must be earned. You may say that this is the reason why they are grounded from going to their friends houses and later when they are allowed to hang out with their friends it will have to be done at your house under your supervision until trust is again built up between you.



As they start to prove trustworthy they begin to earn privileges back again. Privileges such as hanging out with friends, video games, computer use, and even rewards such as going somewhere that they really want to go, or getting something that they really want can be used as incentives to change their behavior.



Make sure that they understand what the consequences will be if they ever fall back into the destructive habit of watching porn.



All of the preaching in the world will not do much good at this point. They have to be taken out of the situation, and slowly they light of the gospel of Jesus Christ will start coming back into their eyes and into their hearts.



I know this sounds like tough love, and it is, but sometimes tough love is the best thing for the child. Always remember to do it with love not anger and hate.



My son when he was 12 was also introduced to Porn on the computer by a friend. My daughter caught it in the same way you did by looking at the history. We confronted him about it and he admitted it. We banned him from the use of the computer and grounded him for a month. It was summer and he wanted to hang out with his friends. He was a good kid and was ashamed of his behavior. He had to come up with excuses to tell his friends why he couldn't hang out. We kept his secret too. He didn't want anyone to know why he was grounded. He wouldn't tell us which friend got him into it but we guessed anyway. We advised him to not hang out with whomever it was anymore and he didn't.



He never got back into Porn again. He has served a successful mission now and is one of the best people I know. His friend completely dropped out of church activity and never served a mission. Their lives are completely different from one anothers now.



I am proud of you for wanting to nip this in the bud and help your brothers. It will change their lives. Watching porn is not a little thing, but a big one. Our thoughts control who we are and what decisions we make.



Please include the Lord in your decisions of what to do. He is always there to help and to comfort you. He will inspire your heart and mind to know what is the best way for you to solve the problem.



Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 12

you can install NetDog Porn Filter : http://www.netdogsoft.com on the computer, netdog blocks all porn quitely and automatically in the background when your family're on the computer.

Answer 13

you know what to do. first block the sites. second talk with your parents. third they broke the laws of chastity. they need to talk with the bishop. explain to them that this can effect their temple recommends.as a lds they are suppose to be disciples of christ.have them go back and watch general conference

Answer 14

Talk to your bishop. Plain and simple. He has specific guidelines on how to handle this issue. Talk to your mom. Show her!

Answer 15

get your mom (parents) involved

show empathy

they need to get bishop involved

encourage them to replace those activities with good activities

be open and supportive in the family

good luck



http://www.byub.org/secrets/

Answer 16

It is very admirable of you to try and deter your younger siblings from engaging in porn activity but, you can rant and rave until the cows comes home, the fact of the matter is....YOU, yes you, cannot be with them every waking hour of every day so the best solution is to tell your parents and see if there can be some kind of intervention with a professional counselor who can help your brothers work through this phase in their lives.....I wish you the best with this...But, I do not see a problem as of yet because you must realize that kids at this age are still trying to establish "their" sexual identity and sometimes it is best to let them work through this on their own.....But if it bothers you this much, I think professional counseling is necessary.....

Answer 17

Open forum. Tell your parents. God bless.

Answer 18

Read the book of mormon.

Prepare to live forever.

Answer 19

You need to go and remove the source of the problem. Get a plane ticket to San fernando valley and try to work the magick of jesus on the pornstars and convince them to stop doing what they are doing.



It might take a while, but faith will see you through it. If you run out of money along the way, i have this buddy down there thats making this video.........

Answer 20

I feel so much pity for such as you, you really can't imagine. Sexual interest is normal and good, okay? Repressing that interest is unhealthy and bad. Keep your nose out of your brother's business, and mind your own.

Answer 21

It's a natural part of growing up to explore porn in this world we live in. They are compelled to view porn because it IS natural to be curious about sex.



So... mind your own business? If they get into more dangerous things like hard drugs or violence, then you can intervene. Do not try to repress natural feelings and desires.

Answer 22

Hormones have Mormons, too.

Answer 23

Sounds like 3 perfectly normal healthy teenage boys.



Soon they will have girl friends and they will be able to work all their lust out with them.

Answer 24

Tell em to get laid. There's no such thing as porn addiction, it's called "sexual lust"

Answer 25

Set them up with real-chicks.