SPIRITUALLY SPEAKING, ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

Question

The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some of the symptoms include:

1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Fearfulness
7. Idolatry
8. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect..

The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. ( Believers’ Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING:

Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER:

The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention! GOD

Answer 1

Amen, Brother! Tell it like it is! The Manufacturer's Handbook (AKA: the B.I.B.L.E.), despite being the best-selling book of all time, is sadly neglected, misunderstood, mistranslated (New World Translation of the Jehovah's Witnesses) added to (the Jesus Seminar's "Gospel of Thomas", Apocryphal Books added by the Roman Catholic Church, the "Lost Books of the Bible"), plagiarized (the Book of Mormon of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints [AKA: Mormons]), taken out of context, reviled, vilified, etc.! The KJV is revered more than Jesus, Himself, especially by the uneducated and undereducated, who swear that it is the most accurate translation, despite that they cannot understand most of it and despite that in this Twenty-first Century, we have a much greater understanding of the Hebrew language of the Old Testament and the Koine Greek of the First Century, in which most of the New Testament is written!

Answer 2

Seen this many years ago, before I was saved, thought it foolish then, amazing what a difference being on the brink of death, and The Lord reaching down, and saving ones' life does to your perspective. Thanks for the refreshing of my mind. Now it really makes sense.To much truth to this for lost ones to "get" it.

Answer 3

When you copy another person's material the credit goes to the original author, whom I KNOW already holds the copyrights on it. How about posting the authors name and give credit where credit is due?

Answer 4

That's kinda funny and cute in an odd kinda way.

Answer 5

Entertaining and clever...



However, I'm ready... I don't accept your idea of how things are going to play out, and as a result. I'm ready.



If I believed in your superstitions, I would never be ready... After all "The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace."



The alternative you outline is being burned alive. How cheery! Now go spread the good word! You shall be burned alive!! LOL

Answer 6

Whatever it takes to get mankind to know Jesus, we will do.



Hopefully, many will understand a "recall proceedure."

Answer 7

Wonderful, I like that- God bless you

Answer 8

Yep, figures. Send all the manufacturing jobs to Mexico so you can exploit the impoverished. Tell Jesus and his co-workers to unionize, it's the only way to make a decent living.

Answer 9

Oh Snap I love it

Answer 10

Wow. You really think that is going to win over atheists to your christian god?



Yeah, I may go into the furnace, but you have ask yourself why god created something with so many flaws, especially when those things are made in his image.

Answer 11

An imaginative bit of empty rhetoric,God, but what's the question? Am I ready to add this self-indulgent gurge to my belief system? I don't think so.

Answer 12

This made my day and with your permission I wish to include this in my Journal.

Answer 13

YAWN. Tks for the 2 points.

Answer 14

This thing goes back about twenty years.

You are merely spamming all of us.

Answer 15

Thank you Jesus for saving my Soul!!!!

Answer 16

That's what bothers me about Christian theology, too mechanistic. (And I can make better acronyms than that.)

Answer 17

not just spiritually, but otherwise too...im not ready for BS

Answer 18

huh

Answer 19

lol funny!

Answer 20

you geekified the bible. i dont know whether to cry...because you made God sound dumb....or to cry because you offended geek speech!

Answer 21

Ho hum.

I see a blog, not a question.

Answer 22

LOL!



Hilarious!



Thanks for that :)

Answer 23

where is the DEVIL in all of this?

Answer 24

Creative... but still stupid.

Answer 25

wrong not till breathing stops and then we sleep awhile..DONT BLASPHEME...it is sickening

Answer 26

huh?..