Attachment or commitment in Buddhism?

Question

I'm trying to grasp the concept of attachment in regards to an intimate relationship with my significant other. It seems to me that being in love is a form of attachment, which will ultimately bring about more suffering. Is there a way to be in a committed relationship without being negatively attached or addicted to another?

Answer 1

The danger of sensuality lies in the power of sensual attachment. For this reason the Buddha reckoned clinging to sensuality as the primary form of attachment. It is a real world problem. Whether the world is to be completely destroyed, or whatever is to happen, is bound to depend on this very sensual clinging. It behooves us to examine ourselves to find out in what ways we are attached to sensuality and how firmly, and whether it is not perhaps within our power to give it up.



Speaking in worldly terms, attachment to sensuality is a very good thing. It conduces to family love, to diligence and energy in the search for wealth and fame, and so on. But if looked at from the spiritual point of view, it is seen to be the secret en trance for suffering and torment. Spiritually speaking, attachment to sensuality is something to be kept under control. And if all suffering is to be eliminated, sensual attachment has to be done away with completely.



The objective of living a holy life (Brahmacariya) in Buddhism is to enable the mind to give up unskillful grasping. The expression used is "the mind freed from attachment." That is the ultimate. When the mind is free from attachment, there is nothing to bind it and make it a slave of the world. There is nothing to keep it spinning on in the cycle of birth and death, so the whole process comes to a stop, or rather, becomes world transcending, free from the world. The giving up of unskillful clinging is, then, the key to Buddhist practice.



http://www.buddhanet.net/

Answer 2

I think that people enter into a relationship with a preconception of what the perfect love would be. That feeling of euphoria at the beginning of a relationship is the sense that that conception of perfect love is being fullfilled. Eventually though, the other person is bound to do or say something that does not fit that perfect conception. If you can let go of your attachment to that ideal concept and just appreciate the person for who they are, even if they dont always live up to your hopes and expectations, then it is possible to love in a realistic and healthy way.



Its when you are unable to let go of that ideal concept that inner and outer conflict are likely to manifest without resolution. Its at that level where the unhealthy attachment actually occurs.

Answer 3

The concept of attachment simply reminds us that everything is temporary; things change...including our relationships, attractions, desires.



Attachment is an attempt to keep things static and unchanging, which will always ultimately frustrate us since...well things change whether we want them too or not. Seasons change, hearts change, minds change...nothing is permanent.



I do think it is possible to be in a committed relationship without attachment (there is no negative or positive attachment in Buddhism - all attachment keeps you trapped in the karmic cycle). I think it would take a lot of groundwork within your heart to get to that point.

Answer 4

Except for the inseparable relationship with your Creator, there is probably no closer relationship than that which exists between yourself and the air you breathe.



And yet, one cannot even form an attachment to the very breath it takes to say yay or nay.



The purpose of breathing is to energize the body's use of air through inhalation and exhalation.



Attempting to exclusively commit yourself to one or the other of those vital activities would certainly be as foolhardy as being in a relationship that allowed no room for each to breathe.



Just as you understand that your lungs will "suffer" from an attachment to either exhalation or inhalation.....



Consider that as one refrains from "grasping" either function, one similarly permits one's loving relationship with a significant other to breathe just as freely.



Because receiving (inhale) and giving (exhale) Love is



......how Life breathes.....freely.



Orin

Answer 5

That isn't attatchment, it is commitment. If you need that person to feel good, carry on with life or anything else like that, then it is attachment. Commitment means that you are emotionally committed to their well-being, which would mean that you are trying to treat them the best that you can, which would lead to harmony. Attatchment has to do with needyness and commitment has to do with well-being. I think relationships should be a healthy form of communication and compassion, if anything it should help you better understand the world around you and your emotional attatchments. Hope that wasn't confusing...

Answer 6

I understand your question, and I have thought of it a lot.



It seems to me that having one person to love and "marry"(either formally or informally) does, by design, create an attachment. In a married situation, we see ourselves in the other person. That person is different from the rest. Its the human delima, the drive to have one person for your own self.



I don't have an answer to your question, as of now. I don't suspect I will any time soon. I don't even suspect that there is an answer to your question. The best I can say is its "human nature", and I'm not going to try to describe that.

Answer 7

The Buddha taught much in regard to suffering but I think you are misinterpreting the meaning of "attachment" in relationships. In my opinion when the Buddha spoke of "attachment" he meant "clinging." Having a relationship with another is not necessarily clinging unless one is possessive--much as a compulsive person would seek ownership of another.



If something should happen to your significant other, if you should dissolve your relationship, would there be sorrow? Undoubtedly, yes but that is a part of the living cycle but not necessarily clinging.



You may wish to read the Sigalovada Sutra ( http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/narada/wheel014.html ) in which the Buddha states:



"In five ways, young householder, should a wife as the West be ministered to by a husband:



(i) by being courteous to her,

(ii) by not despising her,

(iii) by being faithful to her,

(iv) by handing over authority to her,

(v) by providing her with adornments.



"The wife thus ministered to as the West by her husband shows her compassion to her husband in five ways:



(i) she performs her duties well,

(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendants

(iii) she is faithful,

(iv) she protects what he brings,

(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.



"In these five ways does the wife show her compassion to her husband who ministers to her as the West. Thus is the West covered by him and made safe and secure."



May all be at peace.



John