How can I make my Christian parents respect my choice to be Atheist?

Question

Here's a little background so you can understand my situation, and please, I'm not looking to be beaten over the head with a cross and called a horrible person for my beliefs, so please refrain from saying anything along those lines. Thanks :)
Ok, so my parents are devout christians, they go to church regularly and expect me to do the same and love it. The problem is I've started thinking things over in the past year or so and the more I think, the less religion makes sense to me. I personally don't see anything wrong with thinking for myself...but my parents? They're a different story. One day my mom asked me if I pray anymore and I honestly said no. I was sincerely hoping that I would be able to tell them what I believed and that they would be understanding and stop forcing me to go to church. But when I answered honestly, my mother burst into tears and my dad literally screamed in my face saying that I have to show respect to my parents. I was dumbfounded and ran off to my room. I was hurt and they didn't even know that I was no longer christian. I have no idea how to tell them and how to make them respect my choice. I'm 16 and they don't think I can make good decisions for myself. So please help me? How do I make them understand that me being atheist shouldn't change our relationship and I'm still the same person because I don't think they'll tolerate my choice. Help me? :(

Answer 1

Look, you are stuck doing you parents bidding while you live under their roof, but they can't make you believe in their beliefs if you do not. Even if it means you have to go to chruch to please your parents.



I speak from personal experience, I knew I was an atheist since the age of 8, but had to do my parents bidding. I thought about other things while forced to go to church, now I am on my own. :-)



So, be a good kid until you are out on your own and then you can do as you wish.

Answer 2

Live a good life, respect them and others, be strong, certain and proud of what you believe.



I'm not sure I knew what exactly I believed when I was 16, but I give you props for thinking of more weighty matters other than sports, girls, partying (more of my concerns when I was 16). What we believe is shaped over time. No matter what you believe now you must always keep an open mind and enjoy the journey of learning.



There are certain things I disagree with my parents about and I tell them. I was surprised so many people suggested going through the motions and living a lie. If you approach your parents respectfully, and don't overreact or get bent out of shape when they react (possibly overreact), then you will make headway with them. Even though you are 16 if you are the "bigger man," then they will come around. Even if I disagree with someone's beliefs I respect them regardless and their conviction. I try to understand why people believe the way they do and understand their beliefs, this way I am not ignorant in my actions. While you may have some difficulty up front by being open and honest, if you continue on this path I guarantee you it will work out in the long run.



If you are living at home, your parents may certainly have some influence on your behavior and you may need to do things that you disagree with, but don't hesitate to share what you believe. You never know, you and those who attend church where your family goes may grow by the open discussion (not that you would need to convert) because by questioning one's beliefs they often find themselves and come to understand those beliefs.

Answer 3

I think you should be open and honest with them, and present the issue in a good spirit--not defiant or rebellious, but more matter of fact and this is how I feel sort of way.



While you have been thinking about how religion doesn't make sense to you for some time now I would advise that you bring up the issues to your parents about the parts of religion that don't make sense. Perhaps you won't be convinced by their responses, perhaps you will, but in any event I'd suggest that you always keep an open mind about God and ultimate reality. Although your parents may not have an answer that seems to be the most reasonable one, someone else might.



Good luck, I hope you find your way.

Answer 4

Congrats. We've all been there, and we as well tried to swallow all that stuff.



One thing I did was actually read the bible.... hoping to find a few threads of truth. all that did was make me more and more of an atheist.



Judges, Ch 11, was pretty rasty, so was Leviticus, and Numbers, and Acts. I'm gonna worship that god? I don't think so.



Then, I read other books by scholars. Hard books but good ones.



The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. Huge best seller two or three years ago, so popular, it is available in paperback. His other stuff is cool too..



The Greatest Show on Earth, The Ancestor's Tale. as well by Dawkins. He's a respected evolutionary biologist all over this planet.... main stream scientist. And he proves over and over, that evolution is true, it happened, and even the Roman Catholic Church accepts that. (Your parents are still in the 14th century)



Get another Book:



The Book Your Church Doesn't Want You To Read

Bible Myths and their Parallels in Other Religions.



All this stuff you can get from your library.





The list of solid science books is endless. All Christianity has to offer is an old story, cobbled together into a Jesus, God-Man, as old as the hills. Fully 23 guys have been cruxified in the Middle East, all claiming to be the Messiah, and of course none were, because we never needed a savior, because Adam and Eve never existed so there was no Fall..... !!!.



There's no sky daddy up there, no heaven, no hell, no santa, no easter bunny, no garden fairy, and no unicorns....(I was pretty disappointed about the unicorns, though.)



So, happy that you have tossed off that backpack called religion....



Interestingly, about at your age I pretty much decided religions were all the same....faith with no proof, and the bible or any other holy book is no proof... there have been dozens of gods, dozens of holy books and they are all the same....same dog different collar.

Answer 5

Its hard to convince you if your minds already made up all i ask for you to do is becareful. rules & regulations are for a reason, just find out if the reasons beneficial or not. Also be very careful, teachers & students cannot help you gain everlasting life. There was a couple in the beginning that thought God had one, just one rule that was too much for them also, who also wanted to be the best person they thought they could be by discovering their own mistakes and falls. And fall they did & mistakes they made. Look how they turned out. You however have a chance to make a wiser choice; they didnt listen to their parent but you can , in this case even though its hard sometimes listen to your mother Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, be obedient to YOUR parents in union with the Lord,for this is righteous: Honor your father and your mother: which is the first command with a promise: That it may go well with you and YOU may endure a LONG time on the earth.

Answer 6

It sounds like you are in a difficult situation. I know this feels horrible, as if no one accepts you for what you really are. Ive had some experiences with this, and i hope i can help.



First id like to say that no matter what, to stay calm. Try to calmly state why you feel this way, and its fine and even can be positive to display emotion. If they wont accept it, i know its hard, but youve got to keep trying.



And, if it gets somehow overly violent, never hesitate to ask for help from a trusted adult. This is just a warning, and its very unlikely to happen to families that have any love for each other.



I know its hard, but your parents should realize through calm discussion and pleads what you want, and that their child is hurt by their wants.



Secondly, Dont start religious-attacking wars. You can agree to disagree peacefully and still as a loving family if you need to.



I hope this helps, and i really feel for you. Staying Calm should really show them how they are emotionally hurting you by wanting you to be a Christian, and they hopefully should respect your beliefs.



I hope this helps and you can get out of this difficulty.

Answer 7

You can't make them. My father did not speak to me for a week after I told him I no longer wanted to go to church. We spoke about it briefly the following week and he lamented the fact that none of his sons adhered to the faith that he brought them up with. he said it would be his biggest regret as a father. At the time I told him that he should be proud that he raised children to think for themselves.



It was 13 years later when he rang me (on my birthday) and said, very unusually, that he had learned to respect me for my choices. We spoke about it all at length and it was a very loving and peaceful conversation. I thought it was odd, as my Dad was not like that at all. Even odder was his call a day later when he thanked me for the previous conversation. I was totally perplexed by that. he even suggested we get together for a beer, which was just weirdness, as he hadn't had a drink since the 50s. He died a couple of days later.



You can't make anyone change their mind. The process is their own. Perhaps my dad knew he was on his way out and wanted to make his peace. I don't know. Whatever happened, I'm glad it did. And I'm glad I didn't fake it while I lived under his roof. I had the courage of my convictions and I stuck to them. That doesn't always happen.

Answer 8

This is a tough one. You need to sit down and talk with them. Start out by asking them to listen to what you have to say and to wait until you have finished before they say anything. Tell them that you still love them and that you want them to respect your feelings. Let them know that you came to this decision on your own without anyone else's influence. Unfortunately, based on how they reacted to what you told them about not praying, they may still not respect your decision and may try to force you to go to church. I hope that they listen and respect how you feel. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Unfortunately, you will not be able to force your parents to understand why you no longer believe what they believe. But, if you are non-combative and continually reject their "Christian advances" they will hopefully come around. My extended family is going through a similar situation right now, as they recently found out that I am an atheist (honestly don't get drunk at thanksgiving). Some of them have left me alone about it, but I have been nearly continuously badgered by others. It is something you will have to either learn to deal with or learn to deflect.



Try this the next time they freak out: "My thoughts on religion do no harm to you, please do no harm to me."



Most of my family is Catholic, but one of my aunts through marriage is born again so I had to use this one too: "While I appreciate the thought, I do not want nor need to be saved or prayed for."

Answer 10

Oh that's horrible. My parents didn't mind at all. You've got to decide whether you actually want to tell them, or if you want to just keep it quiet for another 2 years until they can't tell you what to do any more. I doubt you'll be able to get them to respect your choice though, unless they're willing to listen and be open-minded. It depends what your parents are like really.

Hang in there, not long and you'll be an adult.

Answer 11

Being that your not 18, maybe suck it up until then and save up and move out. It's a tough scenario, but I never had that problem as a Deist/Pantheist or my older brother as an Atheist. My parents are still Roman Catholic.

Answer 12

You cannot make your parents do anything.



By the same token, they really cannot stop you from your choices either.



Hopefully they still love and respect you even though they strongly disagree with you. But you cannot make them do so.

Answer 13

If this is true you have to have about the fundi-est parents ever. This has to be a Pentecostal, Assembly of God, Jehovah's Witness or some other SUPER fundie church. If that is the case, go through the motions if you don't want to be dragged in front of the church to have the demons cast out of you. Lie to them because they won't stop lying to themselves.

Answer 14

You can't "make" them any more than they can "make" you believe something you don't. You just need to be open and respectful of their beliefs and ask them to do the same for you. If they can't, just remember to choose your own path and establish your own beliefs, without contradicting or condemning others'. Good luck.

Answer 15

Your best bet is to just play along for now. Wait until you move out and they no longer have some form of control over your life to tell them if you must.

Answer 16

and as a christian once atheist i saw how full of myself i really was thinking that i knew it all the wisdom of man is like a grain of sand compared to gods, you might not love god, but he loves you. just stop being a slave to this world and ask for his forgiveness and you will see miracles in your life. don;t think that youll live till next week cus you are not in control he has the power to do anything. he's given you all that you got even though you don't believe in him thats how much he really loves you, i once feared death not anymore cus i know if i day hours from now i'll be in heaven. read the bible with an open heart. dont follow the world and lust for earthly desires. they dont last but heaven and his love is forever. i hope you see through all the earth has to offer.

p.s its all up to you what you wanna believe/ but when you die i hope you see it wasnt worth it

Answer 17

How do you turn a rock into an elephant, that is as easy as talking with christians

Dont bother, just live your life and dont get upset with them.g

Answer 18

being 16, you may have to pretend and go through the motions as long as you're still dependant on them. it sucks, but it will save you and them a lot of strife.

Answer 19

if its that much of an issue pretend for two years

you dont have to make a stand now

if they are going to be unreasonable you are released from the obligation of telling the truth

Answer 20

You are wrong and as your parents, it's their responsibility to teach you right from wrong.

Answer 21

Atheism isn't a "choice". You can't choose to believe in God if you really don't think it's there.

Just fake it for two years. If your parents can't respect you as your own person, then you have no real reason to maintain a close relationship when you leave their home.

Answer 22

Just fake it until you're no longer living under their roof.

Answer 23

they shouldn't respect such dub@asses .

they are to erase them from this Earth .

Answer 24

Mom, Dad, I am so grown up now that I know there is no God.

Answer 25

you can't



I wouldn't, you think you know it all, you are sadly mistaken