What spell summons Jesus?

Question

What spell summons Jesus?

Answer 1

"ineedtobeblownrightnow"

Answer 2

Jesus and spells... I think you have religion and magic mixed up a bit, but that's ok!



You see, if you stare into a mirror, in a candle lit room, and say "Jesus" three times... well, absolutely nothing will probably happen. But hey, you tried! And you never know unless you try!



But, if you really are serious. I'm guessing it would go something like this:



On the ceiling, in "Sky Blue" (washable) marker, draw fluffly little clouds. Now, get the "Holy Golden" color, and draw the Pearly Gates in between the clouds. Make sure to get the scale, shading, and dimensions correct, or the spell will not work (Jesus was a carpenter!).

Now, in your most holy of choir voices (and I do mean HOLY) you must sing the praises of the Lord Jesus! Raise your hands to the heavens you have previously drawn in step 1 and 2, as if you were accepting the light of heaven it's self into your heart...



Hopefully about this time, the SWAT team will converge upon you, and smash your crazy religious dysfunctional face into the floor, before you can coax more weirdos into joining your quest for the sun.



Have a nice day!

Answer 3

Jesus is a zombie, risen from the grave. You don't summon him. He died already because a naked lady ate a piece of bad fruit.

Zombie Jesus was his own father and he blamed everyone for the eaten fruit, but he wanted to forgive them.

He couldn't forgive them unless someone died so he sent himself to earth as his own son so that he could die.

After he sacrificed himself to himself to appease himself, all he required for us to be forgiven was that we pick the correct religion (using our birth place and random chance) from a long list of religions each more unbelievable than the last.

In his infinite wisdom, he decided that those with the highest IQ should not have the truth revealed to them but instead believe in false doctrines such as evolution.

Answer 4

The Jesus Prayer

Answer 5

You don't summon Jesus. He's here.



You know when I sit down and when I stand up; You understand my thoughts from far away. You observe my travels and my rest; You are aware of all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, You know all about it, LORD. You have encircled me; You have placed Your hand on me. This extraordinary knowledge is beyond me. It is lofty; I am unable to reach it. Where can I go to escape Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there. If I live at the eastern horizon or settle at the western limits, even there Your hand will lead me; Your right hand will hold on to me. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light around me will become night"-- even the darkness is not dark to You. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to You. For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I will praise You, because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began. God, how difficult Your thoughts are for me to comprehend; how vast their sum is! If I counted them, they would outnumber the grains of sand; when I wake up, I am still with You.

(Psalms 139:2-18 HCSB)

Answer 6

Well first you will need a gay person to torture then I think they throw holy water on everything.And then some guys in white robes come in and scream in your face that you are going to hell a hundred times.Then they do the chicken dance and poof..He comes in a cloud of glitter.I think he rides a unicorn too..I am not sure could be a dragon..

Answer 7

Any spell put to the demonic can. Jesus is a name known to be copied by evil powers.

Answer 8

Accio Jesus



Well, you'll need a wand and some wizarding abilities.



Or just get Harry Potter to help.

Answer 9

It seems pretty easy.."For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." I think the Sacred Menage a Trois will bring out the dead.

Answer 10

No spell exists.

Answer 11

When you say the Amen spell.

Answer 12

Jesus, come over here and look at this!!

Answer 13

i know Jesus, he hangs out behind home depot looking for work.

Answer 14

Wingardium Leviosa

Answer 15

Thou shalt not suffer a sorceress to live.

Answer 16

What is he, your minion in Warcraft...?

Answer 17

shablagoo!

Answer 18

one giant bong hit