My husband's Mormon Grandmother just died. What do I do?

Question

My husband's grandmother just died 30 minutes after we left her. She was 85. His mother and brothers lived with her and his grandfather their entire childhood because his mother was sick. I grew up without any extended family of friends, so despite being ultra-sensitive and kind by nature, I don't have a clue what I should do. I have 2 children under the age of 2 and no friends. Any suggestions? Should I bring over food? What kinds of food are better than others? What conversations should I avoid? What should I say to the family? There seems to be tremendous financial concerns over the care of my husband's ill grandfather and the cost of the funeral that everyone keeps talking about. My husband and I would like to buy the house too, is it rude for us to bring it up now? Their house is in ruins also, and has a foul stench from years of his grandmother refusing to accept any help. They don't want any visitors to the house due to the condition of it, but they have hundreds of people in the community that love them and will probably be stopping by. Is it rude to offer to pay to have my neighbor's cleaning company "tidy" up the place tomorrow morning? Also, does anyone know if Mormon funerals are different from catholic/protestant wakes and funerals? Thanks.

Answer 1

Just be helpful & kind in whatever way you know how.

Answer 2

I think it would be great for you to offer the cleaning company. There has been more than one occassion where I have been to a house of a church member after a death to help clean it up because they were having people over.



Generally Mormons wont wear black to a Mormon funeral because it is suppose to be more a celebration and remembrance of their life and not a mourning. Usually the funeral takes place in a church building and its like a lot of others. Some close family usually speaks and a there tends to be a few musical numbers.

The viewing is usually done in another room before the funeral and then you just tend to caravan over to the burial site. Sometimes there will be a luncheon at the church or the house after.





qman

You seriously have issues. Talk about a liar!

The church leaders dont even get involved in the planning of the funeral, whatsoever, unless the family asks. I know because I am a Mormon who has had unfortunatly been involved in planning a few funerals. The family plans the entire thing! Nobody pushes the religion. Yes, they talk about their religious views of life and death at the funeral. SHOCKING. Its a funeral, DUH!



Seriously, pushing anti mormon BS using a funeral. What is wrong with you?

Answer 3

Food is welcome, just no alcohol, tea, or coffee. Just ask the family what you can do to help. Wear Sunday dress to the funeral. The funeral will be on the happy and spiritual side. There won't be time to hire a cleaning company before people start showing up anyway, so don't worry about that. Her friends already know what the house is like. Just offer to help out yourself, without saying anything like "the house is dirty;" just help the family with whatever they are doing to tidy up rather than taking matters into your own hands. If the subject of what to do with the house comes up, express your interest in buying it, although the family may already have plans regarding who will be getting the place. You might simply ask their plans, and if they indicate they might sell, that is the time to express your interest. If that happens before the funeral, just say "we are interested, but we can talk about that later," or something.

Answer 4

As far as I know, Mormons have no dietary restrictions, and food is always welcome. I'm sure anything you bring will be fine.



Conversations: I would just express sympathy and be willing to listen to anyone who seems to want to talk. People often want to talk about their loved one who died, tell stories about her, etc. And of course, some people just want to be left alone. You have to play this by ear.



I would leave discussion of purchasing the house to your husband. If it comes up and he thinks it's appropriate to express interest, he can. You, as an outsider to the family/faith, would feel awkward (and probably be perceived as awkward) talking about this just now.



Don't say anything about the condition of the house. If people come over and are assaulted by the smell and lack of housekeeping, that's not your problem. Most likely your offer of hiring a cleaning company will cause offense in at least some of the relatives. Hubby might be able to get away with this; you probably won't. But whether the house is clean or not really doesn't matter and isn't your affair. Others will take care of this. You can trust them, and if they fail, it's not a big deal.



Can't help you on the Mormon funerals. You might be able to find something on the subject if you do a web search, though.



Best wishes and blessings to you.

Answer 5

I love your compassionate attitude. Yes, food is a good idea and just offer to help.



Mormons usually use death and funerals to push their gospel so politely decline to listen. Their funerals are run by their local leaders (yes, they override the family and do what they want) so beware of their motives to try to pull you into their truth claims. It's all lies inspite of how nice they come across. I know this for a fact having been a Mormon for 40 years before finally doing my homework.



The offer to clean the house is always a sensative issue. Of course it would be appreciate unless you sense that doing so would be perceived in the wrong way. Can't help much with that one other than to say, feel it out.

Answer 6

I think it would be kind to gently offer whatever help you wish to give when the time feels right, but I'd let the initial grieving period go by first. You probably have time enough to bring up the house, etc., at a later date.



For now, maybe just find out from your husband or someone what might be a favorite dish or two of food you might be able to bring. Favorite comfort foods would be most welcome were it me.

Answer 7

Mormon funerals can vary a lot depending on your grandmother's wishes. The only church requirement is that the gravesite be blessed and you won't be involved in that.



They do tend to use the funeral to preach church rather than talk about the dead. Your grandmother may be dressed in temple clothes.



Usually lots of people bring food and much goes to waste.



Offers to clean are good, talking about money and buying the house is bad.

Answer 8

no it wont be anything crazy and the dress will be sunday dress i suppose it doesnt have to be all dark like the movies portray it. Usually the bishop of her ward will say a few words and then her ward/family members will give a talk, its pre arranged so its not like you will be called. Everything else is kind of just up to you and you can always pray to God for guidance and he will guide you in all things in life even matters like this, sorry for the passing though =(



ok let me clarify dress you can wear dark material but dont be completely black like black skirt shirt shoes hat etc but dark is ok

Answer 9

Firstly stop taking Mormonism so seriously. It was a religion started in 1830 by some guy that was convicted of fraud.. twice.



Respect their customs and what not. Love the grandmother for who she was and stop trying to give that religion so much respect and consideration. They misrepresented Christianity so badly that they still have passages in their holy book talking about Black people being cursed.



Dont bring up anything. let them finish their process with the funeral and then after its all over talk to them respectfully. But for goodness sake you act like mormonism has some kind of ancient cultural heritage. God its crreepy.

Answer 10

well, of course you should clean the house.

Answer 11

Warn everyone not to follow her delusion...



Buy a real Bible and burn anything with

counterfeit teachings of Joseph Smith.



Galatians 1:8-9

"But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to

you than that which we have preached to you, let him be accursed.

As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other

gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed."

Answer 12

get on with your own brief life

Answer 13

Get everyone drunk.