Everyone knows Jesus was a hardcore conservative who disliked the poor and favoured the rich above everyone else. That verse about how it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven was just METAPHORICAL! Or, it was put there later by anti-Christian, God-hating liberals. Jesus loved guns, too. Any verse saying he was opposed to violence, again, was metaphorical or wasn't originally there.
How on God's green Earth can a Christian be a liberal?