Churches are parasites in our society. They don't serve any useful purpose. They need to borrow from secular morality to function... and even so the morality that they promote is as corrupt as the whole idea of Christianity!
Christians still have the option in the New Testament era which is today to buy a suitable slave and do with him/her anything that their naughty heart desires with all of God's blessings like they did in Colonial America up to the 1860s!!! The only obstacle now is the secular government laws NOT THE WORD OF GOD! If you had a slave you can use him/her even for the kinkiest gay, bizarre or straight sex imaginable! In spite of any Biblical interpretation, there are plenty of arguments in the Bible to justify ANY KIND OF KINKY SEX OR FETISH especially with slaves!!! Believe it or not, pedophilia in all its extreme forms is CONDONED and totally unregulated in the Bible, Old and New Testaments nothing has changed because GOD NEVER CHANGES!!! If a man likes to have a little girl for a while for whatever pleasure HE DOESN’T NEED TO DATE HER! He can buy her as a slave from a set of some God fearing parents IN NEED OF MONEY! Sometimes you don’t even need to buy her you can trick her! God the Holy Ghost sent the Archangel Saint Gabriel to sweet talk the very young and naive Virgin Mary so he could have her pregnant without any problem. The Blessed Virgin Mary was very horny. She didn’t hesitate one moment to go along to be laid with a perfect stranger. She didn’t tell her fiancé Saint Joseph until 6 months later and only because he noticed that she was getting big around her slender belly…
Titus 2:9 (NIV) (Saint Paul commands!) Teach slaves* (*including young little boy and girl slaves) to be subject to their masters in everything* (*EVERYTHING without restrictions no matter how kinky!), to try to please them, not to talk back to them,* (*Hallelujah! Praise the LORD! Sweet Jesus! Amen? --Please don’t judge me wrong here… I’m being sarcastic just to make a point! The day that the extremist Christian Fundies will rule America, Biblical slavery will be reinstated!)
Exodus 21:20-21 NIV “If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod* (*i.e. for lack of submission!) and the slave dies as a DIRECT RESULT* (*not for any pre-existing condition! Especially if the master is drunk or plain abusive!), he must be punished* (*but how? will the master get a slap on the wrist?), but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is HIS PROPERTY* (*The Infallible KJV says, “his money”… a slave is not even a human being, but property or money! That is why Christian America up to the 1860’s justified Biblical slavery including all forms of imaginable pedophilia with the black and white slaves… we had white Irish slaves, too that nobody talks about!)
So you can keep beating your male or female slave to a pulp every third day or so and as long as he/she recovers you are a HOLY and RIGHTEOUS person before this Loving God and Heavenly Father! God’s Law is SOOOO GOOD for the wanking Christians…!!! The whole Bible is decisively pro-slavery of the kinkiest sort! In the New Testament, escaping slaves were ALWAYS TOLD TO RETURN to their masters and to go free only if allowed! The whole book of PHILEMON in the New Testament is dedicated to teach Christian escaped slaves anywhere in the world to return to their masters! Modern day Preachers are shrewd enough to ignore any unfavorable rap in the New Testament!
1 Peter 2:18 (NIV) (Saint Peter, the First Pope commands!) Slaves* (*including young little slave girls!), submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, NOT ONLY to those who are good and considerate, BUT ALSO TO THOSE WHO ARE HARSH.* (*Hey…! hey…! hey…! how kinky can the Christians get even today? As kinky as the clergy and the militant Christians allow and the secular arm of the law won’t catch them! Smart preachers do it in their closets! Christians have no moral standards to draw from the Bible! They borrow from our real secular world!)
Exodus 21:7-8 (NIV) "If a MAN SELLS* (*for whatever reason like for being short of money) his DAUGHTER* (*NOT HIS SON, but his daughter! Can you sense the sexual innuendo in “God’s Holy Law”?) as a SLAVE, SHE IS NOT TO GO FREE as male slaves do. If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself* (*by then she must be all worn out, sexually speaking, of course!), he must let her be redeemed. He has no right to sell her to foreigners, because he has broken faith with her.
Can you imagine the slave girl’s fate if her God fearing daddy doesn't want her back and her master is a sadistic sexual pervert? Another more subtle way of getting a GIRL for a wife in the Bible is to be a predator at a PURITY BALL watching the virgin girls dancing and grab for yourself anyone that you wish to have for a wife… The Law of God allows MEN this pleasure! No silly dating necessary! That's about how the Blessed Virgin Mary got pregnant, too! She was talked into it and she agreed on the spot! At least she was not kidnapped!
Judges 21:23 * So that is what the Benjamites did. While the girls were dancing, each man caught one and carried her off to be his wife… (Praise the LORD! Sweet Jesus!)
In the Holy Bible days women had no noticeable rights and were worth much less than men! As long as the master follows the Bible injunctions he is always a Holy man of God, like RIGHTEOUS LOT who shortly after his wife’s death was getting drunk and was having sex with his young virgin daughters until he got them pregnant, or even the Levite priest of God in Judges 19-21 who pleasured himself carving up his gang raped concubine in 12 pieces. He sent the chunks of her body by messengers to all Israel to get the Benjamin clan exterminated in a Holy Vendetta! (Amen? Praise the LORD! Sweet Jesus!) Can you imagine the heads of the other 11 tribes in Israel getting a bloody body part of a Priest’s horny lover in the mail with a message saying that it was the Benjamites who raped and killed her? Can you still believe that this low ranking PRIEST OF GOD got ALL the tribes in Israel to agree with him on the spot to go to war against the Benjamin tribe without any question asked!? Anything like this doesn’t happen even among the most barbarian people anywhere in the world, but you can enjoy reading all about it in God’s Holy Word the Bible! The Bible writers were very smart to insist that they “wrote as they were led by the Spirit of God”! In fact they claim that they didn’t know what they were writing until they read what they wrote (2 Pet 1:21)! That’s how HOLY STORIES WERE WRITTEN IN THE BIBLE. No Christian would dare to question the Bible because it is THE WORD OF GOD! The Hustler Magazine comes far too short to measure up to the Bible script!
Luke 16:17 (NIV) (Jesus said) It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law* (*the Old Testament Bible).
According to God the Son Jesus Christ the Law of God is valid even today! When some Colonies in America were ruled by the Puritan Christians (Right wing Fundies!) a lot of innocent “witches” were hung from tree branches with a rope tied around their neck! The first criminals to be sentenced to death here in Christian America were witches! Hundreds more were in jail on suspicion of being witches and warlocks! BTW, I am not taking ANYTHING out of any Biblical or historical CONTEXT! Today Christians need to comply with our secular morality, not the way around! In due course, the validity and morality of same sex marriages everywhere will be determined by the secular law, too! The Christian clergy will still have an opportunity to make money regulating the morality of same sex couples according to the Bible. There is plenty of flip-flopping room in the Bible to accommodate any lifestyle and Christianity is here to stay for a long while because some humans still need a “spiritual” crutch to function in this world. Up to the 1860s Holy Bible slavery was perfectly legal here in America, but COMMON SENSE PREVAILED OVER BIBLE DOGMAS! Everything changes with time thanks to liberal non religious governments!
There is hardly a page in the Bible that is not full of some compromising positions that theologians need to reinterpret so Christianity in the 21st Century can believe in a more reasonable “God”! If you are an honest human being in spite of your Christian background how can you possibly justify the Bible God’s immorality and his nearsightedness not to mention that someday his fond Biblical slavery fetish will be outlawed by the United Nations? There is not a whisper of hope in the Bible that slaves will be freed someday, but all the opposite! It says that outright Biblical slavery will continue on to the end of the world! The Bible writers were not spiritually speaking they were making factual statements! The crap that they were “led by the Holy Ghost to write something that they didn’t know doesn’t fit here! The Bible writers never imagined in their primitive mind any form of democracy with liberty and freedom for all! Please, don’t hesitate to share this notes with the spiritual leader of your choice! Make them EARN your money!