Question:
How do I recover from shock after discovering that my husband has been looking at porn?
anonymous
1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
How do I recover from shock after discovering that my husband has been looking at porn?
86 answers:
Dan
2009-09-18 08:55:42 UTC
I'm not religious either, but when I actually realized what porn did to my Mrs. and her self worth, I tossed it immediately. I have not lapsed. I hope he will do the same.



Its not about whether its natural or not, which it is. Its how it affects you.
Sara
2009-09-18 08:53:56 UTC
what guy DOESN'T look at porn?

I'm pretty sure most PEOPLE in general have at some point.
Miss Taken Identity - Reloaded
2009-09-18 08:53:42 UTC
No offense, but you sound to be a bit sheltered and insecure. It's not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be.
Simon T
2009-09-18 08:58:23 UTC
If this has nothing to do with religion why ask in R&S?





I would suggest that you talk to him about it.
King Joffrey
2009-09-18 08:53:51 UTC
The one thing that you need to understand is this:



If a man, whether he be single, married, divorced, or widowed, has access to a computer in a private area - he looks at porn.



Thats just the way it is, deal with it.
Leo
2009-09-18 09:14:31 UTC
Quite frankly, and I mean no offense, I think you are overreacting. A lot of people have very negative feelings towards porn. I understand that. However it's one thing to be upset over this but another to say that it's worse than death. Watching porn one time is not the same thing as being with another women, although you seem to be equating the two in your mind. He said he apologized and that he would never do it again. We're all human and we all make mistakes, even you. If you can't see how you can give him another chance then that suggests to me that you guys had issues in your marriage even before this incident. It sounds like you guys need counseling.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:54:30 UTC
Your "bedchamber"? There's your real problem: somebody has mistakenly transported you out of the Victorian era.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:52:40 UTC
its just porn
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:52:19 UTC
If it helps; every man does it.
Gregory H
2009-09-18 08:53:43 UTC
looking at porn is not cheating, i think you are over acting or faking the story
M fan
2009-09-18 08:52:59 UTC
Relax, all guys look at porn.



It is not often that science provides a good excuse to buy pornography. Yet students of the likely social consequences of the credit crunch may wish to keep a close eye on the pages of Playboy over the coming months.



According to Terry Pettijohn and Brian Jungeberg, of Mercyhurst College in Pennsylvania, the curves of the magazine's famous Playmates change in line with prosperity. Their study of centrefolds from 1960-2000 found that during booms models tended to be young, short and wasp-waisted, with wide hips and ample breasts. When times were hard, models were older and taller, with bigger waist-to-hip ratios, shallower curves and less body fat. Busts, if you like, are bad for busts.



These trends led the scientists to propose the “environmental security hypothesis”. It holds that in our evolutionary past, straitened circumstances led men away from the WAG-like figures they prefer when food is plentiful. Instead, they went for stronger, more experienced, more athletic women, who could muck in with the hunting and gathering.



The “Playboy effect” is a modern manifestation of Stone Age minds.



Such reasoning is a staple of evolutionary psychology, the subject of what is certain to be a fierce debate next Sunday at the Battle of Ideas, supported by Body&Soul.



This young science seeks to explain human behaviour today with reference to mental adaptations that served our species well long ago. It holds that just as physical features that enhanced survival and the ability to have offspring were passed on preferentially to future generations, so, too, were psychological traits.



Evolutionary psychology is often advanced to shed light on the roots of all manner of social phenomena, from the differing sexual behaviour of men and women, to altruism, crime and morality. It may explain, for instance, why children with a stepfather face a higher risk of murder.



They are unrelated to him and might compete for resources with his genetic children. Murder could thus enhance the prospects of the stepfather's genes.



On one level, the idea that human behaviour is influenced by evolution should be uncontroversial. The brain, just as certainly as the thumb, is an evolved organ. But the claim is often seen as incendiary.



First, it seems to countervail free will and the notion that people can be moulded by experience and culture.



What is more, it can appear politically incorrect, reinforcing gender stereotypes of race and gender. There is concern that to interpret rape or murder in terms of evolutionary advantage is tantamount to excusing them. And work such as the step-family research is understandably resented by the overwhelming majority of loving stepfathers.



Evolutionary psychologists are also apt to make observations and then to speculate wildly about potentially adaptive explanations. A good example is a study that suggested that girls' preference for pink is rooted in women's ancient role in gathering berries. A nice idea, but a prime case of what Stephen Jay Gould condemned as “Just-So Stories”.



It is certainly true that much evolutionary psychology lacks evidence and that some practitioners have been guilty of sloppy conjecture. Yet it can and does make testable predictions - the backbone of science - some of which are confirmed by observation in multiple cultures. The idea that men, on average, prefer youth and beauty in a partner, while women prefer status, is now quite well attested.



Both detractors and supporters of evolutionary psychology are prone to misjudging and exaggerating its claims. It does not propose that every move we make is genetically hard-wired, merely that propensities that promoted survival in the past are not irrelevant to behaviour today. It explores broad themes, such as why males tend to find females of a particular age and shape attractive. It says nothing about the contingent reasons why any individual man fancies any individual woman.



Neither is the existence of evolved human impulses incompatible with free will, or with environmental influences. Predispositions can be overcome: that rape might sometimes have reproductive advantages does not make it right. And hypotheses such as the Playboy effect have a role for both nature and nurture: the whole point is that genetic programmes are activated by environmental cues. This fits well with recent discoveries about how genes interact with experience to affect traits such as intelligence, aggression and mental health.
David
2016-07-19 09:56:01 UTC
2
Jennifer - Proud Latina =)
2009-09-22 00:36:51 UTC
We'll command that if he does it again you WILL break up with him, and don't let him use the computer out of punishment for a while...I'm sure everyone else probably gave good idea's.



EDIT:



Wow? Don't listen to these kids who say it isn't bad for him to watch porn. What's the difference between him looking at it through the computer then if he did in person? It is cheating, and if most of these girls who said it isn't cheating had there boyfriend looking at other girls sneakingly behind there back in PERSON to masturbate I'm sure they would be mad also. I'm a teen i have BIG urges to look at porn but i don't...I'm trying to stop doing wordly things which is kinda hard not to. Start taking charge, he's being disrespectful, he has just sinned anyways. The bible talks about people like him.



By the way...there WILL be a time when you're son soon does masturbate to lesbians, or to sexual stuff. Maybe not watch porn, BUT masturbates to the thing you're husband does...It isn't something that you can control, it comes by it's self about you're sons case. You get what i mean? He will masturbate to lesbians & sex, if you take him to church or teach him it's wrong you & ull punish him then do it before he grows up in the path of you're husband. But it's because of his puberty, and if he doesn't get punished, he won't get the feeling to have the need to stop where he might do it sneakingly..You can make sure that he doesn't watch porn or he'll get punished when he gets older. You're husband is a different story, and is old enough to know it's bad, especially if he had to watch it while you we're gone.
anonymous
2014-11-10 18:26:24 UTC
We have been married for 6 years, have a 2 year old son, and we have always been loyal to each other and have had an amazing hot relationship. I always trusted him and never suspected anything. This came as a total shock to me for I felt betrayed and that the thing I cherished most--my marital relationship with my hubby--was being attacked at its core for my hubby was using other women to get pleasure besides me. It has been two days after the event, and my husband still feels really bad. Look, I don't want to divorce him because I love him more than any othe
Luft Waffle
2009-09-21 10:25:04 UTC
Wow.. Are you crazy? You are going to divorce ur guy of 6 years cause he is looking at porn??



Maybe you should put out more and there wont be a problem. Ok that was bad, but jesus lady, get over it.



All guys look at porn and it has nothing to do with u not being good enough or what not. Its something we start at 12 and pretty much do till we die. How have you been married for 6 years without having a frank jerkoff talk. Maybe you should watch it with him, it might reignite a spark although i highly doubt it.



Check out the movie Carrie from the 70's. you remind me of Carrie's crazy mom. Have u had sex since ur kid was born or are the doors shut till you guys wanna have a second? Jesus H christ, ppl need to chill out over the masturbation thing. Are u gonna kick ur soon out when discovers his favorite hobby in 10 years????
anonymous
2009-09-22 02:34:06 UTC
It`s normal. Hot or not, men are men. Staying married and faithful is hard enough, why cant you allow him to watch some porn on his own ? Or with him ? Are you afraid of the competition ? You should not - it is not competition, it is erotic fantasms.



Do you want to deny that your husband is human, man ?

He has not been doing anything wrong...



He has NOT BEEN CHEATING you.

Cheating is having sex with another woman.

Cheating is loving another woman and pretending you are the one.



He has been watching porn. Big deal.

You are not 8 years old, deal with it !

You can watch porn and not be evil. You should try it !



You are punishing him for what ? for spoiling your 8-years-old girl vision of what a man is ?

This is not la-la land !
Lulu
2009-09-20 09:27:32 UTC
Ignore every person on here that says EVERY guy looks at porn. That's such a lie. I have a nice guy who would never lie to me who doesn't look at porn. I know some people would say hes lying to me, but I can tell when he's lying and when he isn't. (He isn't a very good liar.) He did watch it at the beginning of our relationship, and it hurt me a lot, and later stopped because I told him it hurt me so bad and made me feel so horrible.

You can't recover fully. I am still hurt to this day of my boyfriend looking at porn. (It's been about 6 months) and I just try to push it out of my mind. Have a talk with him about it, and make sure he NEVER does it again. And if he does, come up with a consequence or something. Counseling, threaten to break up with him (but really don't, just make him worry), or something else. Just get the point across that if you ever find it again, he will regret it. And if he hides it and you find out, the punishment will be worse. (That's where you should actually break up with him.)

No matter what anyways is saying, it IS cheating to look at other naked women. It's like him going out to a strip club and watching them. Which is even worse-because he can actually interact with those women.

Lay down the law.
?
2014-11-06 13:02:34 UTC
These trends led the scientists to propose the “environmental security hypothesis”. It holds that in our evolutionary past, straitened circumstances led men away from the WAG-like figures they prefer when food is plentiful. Instead, they went for stronger, more experienced, more athletic women, who could muck in with the hunting and gathering.



The “Playboy effect” is a modern manifestation of Stone Age minds.



Such reasoning is a staple of evolutionary psychology, the subject of what is certain to be a fierce debate next Sunday at the Battle of Ideas, supported by Body&Soul.



This young science seeks to explain human behaviour
Poя¢єℓαιη Vєѕѕєℓ (στην αλήθεια)
2009-09-18 13:15:31 UTC
Despite what many may say ... porn is extremely harmful.

It distorts a person's mind & influences how they see the opposite sex.



When you're ready, tell your husband exactly how you feel. Don't leave anything out & if you get upset, then just let it out, don't bottle it up. He needs to know just how devastated you feel about this.

Then ask him why he feels the need to view it & listen deeply to what he's saying. There may be something missing in your marriage which needs addressing... or he may have just viewed it out of curiosity. If he has no religious views governing him then he might see it as harmless & wonder what the big deal is ... that's why you need to pour out your heart to him & tell him exactly how it makes you feel & how it can affect how you are with him intimately. If he loves you, he will think deeply about this. He won't want to hurt you.



Despite what some may say .... not all men view porn.

Jehovah's Witnesses are repeatedly warned about the dangers of porn & how it can be addictive too.

Even though you're not religious, you may find the following links helpful especially if you can read the information together. You can beat this problem together.



http://www.watchtower.org/e/20000608/article_02.htm



http://www.watchtower.org/e/20020708a/article_01.htm
Chuksxp
2009-09-19 16:31:04 UTC
First off, I agree with Abby.



It's really sad to see people justifying porn. I used to be addicted to it but God set me free when I got born again.



I pray that people will come to see the harmful and negative effects of porn. It's unfortunate that every year literally billions of dollars are spent on porn when such money could have been used to help the poor.



I hope all works out for you and your husband.
Bob Loblaw
2009-09-18 09:10:34 UTC
I'm going to try to avoid judging you or him at this point. I think that he may be looking at things that turn him on that you cannot or will not provide, such as the lesbian porn. I don't know, or really want to know, what the "worse things" are. Unless it was something really horrid such as children, animals, violence, etc, then you probably need to accept that your husband is normal.



He probably respects you enough to not ask that another woman be brought into the bedchamber, as you put it. I know that I would never have asked a couple of my girlfriends because they were completely turned off by girl-on-girl porn.



I suggest that you talk to him about it. Ask him about why he was watching those particular videos. Maybe you two can make some of your own videos that he can enjoy when you aren't around or aren't in the mood. Maybe you two can just take pictures of each other and make your own "magazine" as it were. You can easily put them into a notebook or bind them together at home. Maybe add some roleplaying with the videos or pictures. Make sure that you lay down some rules first and stick to them. You may have to get creative to meet his desires without surrendering yourself. Maybe you two can try to fulfill some of your fantasies as well.



I think that he still cares for you deeply. The fact that he feels bad that you are hurting so much tells me that. Work with him, not against him, and you will have a stronger relationship.
?
2009-09-19 16:40:07 UTC
Try to think of it this way, when guys are growing up, we have this fascinating thing dangling between our legs. At first, other than serving the point of getting rid of Urine, it's kind of a play thing at first. We check out our junk, see what it does.



And then, when a guy hits puberty, playing with his dangle starts to feel really good, and then when that boy has his first orgasm, a thought dawns in his head "Wow! You mean if I just do this... then I can end up feeling this good? Holy crap!"



And thus, the male obsession for his own penis is born. Combined with his natural curiosity for the female body, he finds he gets a bigger response by watching naked women. It's not so much your husband enjoys porn more than you, it's just at this point, porn is like having peas with mashed potatoes, or ketchup with fries.



You two need to work though the issue, but realize this, when we men hit puberty, whacking it is like a self-realization coming of age ceremony, and we maintain it as a means of proving as men, we are driven by testosterone. It's not "my wife isn't what I want, but there are girls on the internet that are what I want." But more a subconcious drive to feel confident about ourselves. When men feel better, they feel more confident, more capable, and that feeling does manifest into real results.



In closing, think of it this way; Your husband is masturbating so he can be the man your family needs.
BigOrlandoNerd
2009-09-18 09:14:05 UTC
I really doubt that you are really going through this. Who in this day an age uses the term "bedchamber".



Ignoring what my gut is telling me and taking you at your word that these events occured and you are actually feeling the way you've stated, then here is my reply:



I am struck at just how poor your communication has been with this issue and how you've been the judge, jury and executioner. Your response has been very immature and your decision to sleep in another room "to punish him" is absurded. Don't get me wrong, I have been in your hubby's shoes and what he did may be wrong, but heaping shame and causing him to merely bury the behavior is potentially extremely damaging to your relationship. If you can't be intimate with your spouse, that is, being able to be completely honest about the who, what and where you are in life, without concern for the consquences is what makes for a healthy marriage. Now that he knows that he is under an ultimatum a huge part of intimacy may die. You really need to be able to discuss what pornography may be, or mean in this life.



For many men pornography is an escape mechanism, a way to plug into a fantasy world and not have to get in touch with their feelings or deal with the emotions. There is truth to the "seven year itch". Having a young child means that the two of you aren't emotionally focused on each other, also being married for 6-7 years, means that it is very likely that coping mechanism for how to survive a relationship are being used, rather than focusing on how to have an enriching relationship. At this point, you're hurt, and he's living under an ultimatum, all in all sounds pretty miserable.



Since you feel so hurt by this, you should know that your responses might not be healthy. And he might have problems emotionally connecting with you. Might he be a sex addict? Might he be merely trying to avoid/medicate stress and emotional abandonment? Aren't you feelling emotionally abandoned? If you were in Central Florida I would give you the name of a very good counseler. But I would definitely recommend counseling so that you can get through this stronger and healthier and have a truly fulfilling relationship. Peace, g.
space monkey
2009-09-18 09:00:10 UTC
This isn't an issue so bad you should think of divorce!!! Just talk to him, you have to tell him honestly how it makes you feel.



And of the concerns- legitamite ones!- that you have about porn. You can look up the myths of "porn doesn't hurt" and have hubby read about how the industry DOES hurt women in particular.



Ask your husband- what would you think if your daughter was being used and abased in porn? How would he he feel if he logged on and saw his daughter or son in a porno?



But don't stay apart for too long over this- the seperate sleeping and punishing him. You need to be talking a lot.



Yes, they say majority of red-blooded guys have looked!
?
2009-09-18 08:59:46 UTC
I feel bad for how you feel about this. You are going to have to make some peace with this if you are to move on, so I'll offer an opinion that might make you feel a bit better.



Porn can be very intoxicating for some people, but nobody that looks at porn feels like they are having a relationship they way they do with their wife. I'm sure there is more than sex to your relationship, at least I hope so. Concentrate on those things for a while and realize that porn can never replace them.



This is a problem that has occurred because of technology, but the underlying condition is totally human and existed before people had access to porn. Whether you like it or not, every man that is married probably still looks at other women with lust. It is in their DNA, this is the way people are. So don't be so hard on him. As long has he doesn't act out with other women (have affairs), I'm sure he is quite satisfied and happy with you. He wasn't doing this because of a problem with your relationship, he did it because it was there and he is human.



Forgive him.
"T"
2009-09-18 09:39:58 UTC
Men do not realize the damage this can do to a wife. They pass it off as just fun but it is emotionally abusive to someone with a conscience towards God. The Bible stats that after the first couple sinned God gave the warning that "your craving will be for your husband and he will dominate you." Gen 3:16. A true Christian man should never do something to hurt his wife or make her feel dominated over. It is the sin we must try to overcome. But of course we live in a morally debase society that is more and more resembling Sodom and Gomorrah. Try to impress on him how much it hurts, and that if it were the other way around and you were looking at men how would he feel? Would he feel like he couldn't measure up? Would he be concerned about chats starting with other people? Maybe the internet needs to be taken away for a while. Try to be strong and deal with the problem so that a hopefully the problem can be resolved. Men just don't realize the pain it causes to a really good loving wife. It is very true that men usually reel very embarrassed when they are caught. If he is at least embarrassed then that shows there is something still there. Matthew 5:28 "But I say to you that everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." You are right for feeling the way you do, but the only caution would be not to make things worse. Try to resolve the situation by talking, not yelling, and working out a solution. I can tell you the pain might never go away and it might be good for him to know this. A little bit of it stays there and the trust is not there as much. I hope the best for you.
Traveler
2009-09-18 09:09:27 UTC
I know you said you were not religious; however, I'm going to give you a religious answer.



I think you have put your faith in something that should not be number one in your life - namely, your marriage to your husband is "what is cherished most" and that's why you reacted as you did.



The fact is, everyone is going to fail at some point, if it had not been this, it would be something else that would seriously disappoint you.



Instead, what you should cherish most is a relationship with God. He never disappoints. . .



"Here is a trustworthy saying:

If we died with him,

we will also live with him;

if we endure,

we will also reign with him.

If we disown him,

he will also disown us;

if we are faithless,

he will remain faithful,

for he cannot disown himself." (2 Timothy 2:11 - 13)



Now, as to your husband and to you - please find a way to forgive him. Help him to know that he doesn't need porn - he only needs you. (If you harbor any ill will towards him after you say you forgive him, it will poison you from the inside.)
?
2009-09-18 09:45:36 UTC
And you ask why people you think you're religious... you seem pretty close minded.



Why does he see porn? Maybe he have a few fantasies he doesn't think you'd like, and he preferred to take "matters into his own hands" than to make you angry by asking.



That shows lack of communication on BOTH sides. Do you talk with your husband about sex? do you only have "pretty" sex? where you ever been shock of something he's done in bed? (besides farting)



It's not the same as cheating, not by a long shoot. He seems to want some pleasure, but looks like he would never touch another woman, that's a faithful guy.



You have 2 choices...

A. keep your mind closed and dump him

B. Sit and talk, talking will probably strengthen your relationship



Get a grip woman
anonymous
2009-09-21 08:08:51 UTC
You are a fool! Get over yourself and understand that it is all normal behavior to look at that stuff. You are either stuck in the 1700's, or you have been sheltered far too long in your lifetime. Either way, good luck with THAT marriage!

.

Did you actually say, BEDCHAMBER??? Does your horse still drive you around town??? Hello...It's almost 2010!!!!!

.



.Hey, Chuksxp, are you joking???? God set you free from porn? What a LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!

.

Also, to Sumomo...Your guy is a con man! He looks at porn like EVERY OTHER GUY! Why do you think you are so special? Hahahaha!! I would love to live on whatever planet you live on!!!!!!!!!!!!





.
?
2009-09-18 09:19:51 UTC
So...You're sleeping on the couch to prove to him that you are the boss and he can't get away with that? Grow up already. You have a kid and a husband, but the maturity of 13 year old with a crush on her 1st real boyfriend. All men and women look and you can't honestly deny that you haven't paused for an instant before flipping that magazine page on a sexy male model posed there. You don't love him but your idea of who you think he should be and your relationship is doomed unless you can figure out how to disagree without throwing a tantrum.
mikeya
2009-09-18 08:59:56 UTC
I believe it is time you speak to him about it. Let him know why you were upset. Reveal to him what you have revealed to us publicly, that you see your intimate relationship with him in such high regard. Tell him you felt betrayed that he was using other women to get pleasure. Make sure he really understands that. And that it personally hurts you so he should not do it again.



Do not be afraid to forgive your husband. Giving of yourselves each other in bed is the best way to overcome this. Concentrate on pleasing each other, where it is just you and him in that intimacy.
?
2009-09-18 13:20:15 UTC
Sally, my heart really goes out to you!



Contrary to what people are saying, it is a form of adultery and you have every right to feel the way you do - actually, you are taking it very well, but perhaps that is because you love your husband so dearly.



Have you actually asked him why he is doing this? Especially with you saying that you have a particularly "hot relationship"? If you haven't, I think that you should.



I know that I would react in the exact same way had I found my husband looking!



I know that you are not religious, but actually you might find one of our magazines very helpful, as it talks about the dangers of porn. If you go into our official site: www.watchtower.org, you will found the information on this subject.



Sadly, it is a very common ocurrance with chaps as they are typically highly sexed and the Internet is a great place for them to look.



Perhaps your relationship is too good and when you are not around, he feels he has to find a release. I am most certainly not making excuses for his behaviour; just a suggestion on why this man who loves his wife and has a lovely relationship, goes and does this? There has to be a reason and it will have to take you listening with an opening ear to what he has to say.



My husband also likes porn and when he has confessed to looking, I feel gutted, but thankfully, it has not happened for some time, for which I am grateful for.



Talk to him, please.
wanda3s48
2009-09-18 09:09:55 UTC
Contrary to the prevailing statements here, all men don't watch porn. My husband never did & he had access to a computer all day long, he didn't read or look @ the magazines either, Trust me he didn't need the so-called inspiration.



You need to sit down w/ your husband & have a calm discussion about your feelings. You also need to forgive him & get yourself back into his bed. "Punishing" him by witholding yourself is never the answer to conflict and it gives him license to repeat the objectionable behavior. You feel betrayed & that's normal but you've got to get past that. He's still your husband. If this is something he's just started doing, it will be easier for him to stop but if you nag & "punish" you will drive him right back to it.
Liz
2009-09-18 11:20:06 UTC
DON'T





That would be ONE addiction that any man I am with would HAVE to overcome. COMPLETELY. I would HAVE to be enough for him.



*nods slowly*



Does he think it is or could be an addiction? If he doesn't and he doesn't feel it is harmful he is fooling himself.

It is one of the hardest addictions to get over.



Anyone ever try? After seeing the images burned into your brains, can you UNSEE them?



Any man who "When he sensed my presence, he immediately shut the computer off "



Knows it was WRONG and hurtful, otherwise why shut it off?

IT wasn't like he was looking at new music out on you tube or something harmless...



And any man who say's



" After a long cry in the car, I came back in and my husband apologized profusely and said he would never do it again. "



Is lying. It is a harmful, hurtful addiction.

He needs to get help for it, and mean it.



And you can't or won't if you don't believe it isn't an addiction or that you can quit it just like that.



Porn changes a person. Who they are, what they think, what they do.

Addictions are not something I like dealing with.



Kids wondering why the drink or drug is more important than them.

Wives wondering why THEY aren't good enough that the man needs something "better" to look at. NOT LOVE, but look at, then you.



No wonder people are so messed up with such low self esteem.

HIM for fostering and succumbing to the addiction,

you for not feeling good enough,

teens for thinking that boyfriends throw them over because someone prettier comes along,

kids that see the porn getting a distorted view of what is important or how to view others.



Those pictures burn indelible images into the brain and it is NOT easy to overcome.



But he can if he wants to and you can if you insist.
Kellayyy
2009-09-18 09:07:01 UTC
I would be so hurt too!!



I think just like you.



It is just like cheating.



If you have a wife or someone making you happy and also happy in the bedroom you should not feel the need to look at porn.



It's the same as him going to a strip club.



Your not going to get over it, ever sadly.



You will always know in your head that he did that.



You have to choose to deal with it. And you can bring it up every day yanno?



Tell him why this hurt you.



I look at it like this.



Are guys really that weak and immature that they must see naked woman?? Do they have to look at women like they are pieces of meat?



We all want a guy that only think we are beautiful.



I am okay with my man thinking girls are attractive.



But I would be going nuts just like you if I caught him looking at porn.



Explain to him how hurt and betrayed you are and how its just disgusting to you that he did this.



And how you don't feel like your enough for him if he is doing this.



Ask him how he would feel if you went and looked at men like this.



He would be mad trust me.



If you are a guy and you want to look at porn and go to strip clubs then don't date, and don't get married. It's as simple as that.



Your husband needs to realize he's not a horny teenager anymore and he has hurt you and put a damper on your relationship.



Try surprising him (sexually) Buy a hott outfit and be waiting for him when he gets home.



Make him feel like your are enough woman to satisfy him.



He should only want you. He made the decision to marry you and have a child with you.



And if you guys have a great sex life then he is even more wrong.



I am so sorry you had to find him doing this.



Again just let him know exactly why this bothered you.



If he isn't a cave man and he has a heart even he himself as a man will realize how immature this was and that he is a married man!



Good Luck with everything.



And ignore the stupid answers one here!!



Just remember don't bring this up everyday.

Have a talk a bout it and get everything out then.



Men hate nagging.





It will be okay!!:)
cup_runeth_over_and_under
2009-09-18 09:03:41 UTC
He sounds addicted to sex. I think its wrong and lustful, if it wasn't y do people get embarrassed when they are caught? People make the excuse that its just entertainment, but a lot of people say drugs are entertainment too. Porn is like a crack high for men.....too addictive. Too much of a gd high IS NOT gd. Natural stimulation from the one you love is a gd natural high and its soo much more moral. Oh and watch Fireproof the movie (rated C for clean). It deals with the issue, but you also need to express to him how you feel and how u r hurt.

If you add a filter and he freaks then he is probably very addicted.



http://www.trustedfiltering.com/ is a very gd filter I had a guy looking it up on my comp when we were asleep. Its only $5.00 a month and a $10.00 start up fee.
cher
2009-09-18 09:01:47 UTC
Hey First off I'm sure he loves you and you have a great relationship. Him looking at porn is not cheating on you at all.All guys and even some girls do it there really is nothing wrong with it if your not doing it all the time .He said he was sorry but to tell you the truth he will most likely look at it again. It's a fantasy why not let him have his little fantasy.It's you he loves that he comes home to.One thing is for sure it is not cheating at all. I wish you luck with all.
Scott
2014-04-14 21:40:11 UTC
Is this a serious question? I'm pretty it's not but almost all guys watch porn. So what?
Michael
2009-09-18 09:00:48 UTC
You have to understand that this is a common issue in relationships. He's not looking at porn to cheat on you but to simply satisfy a natural urge. He must have fantasies that he's not too comfortable addressing with you and feels more comfortable fulfilling them in his own fantasy. If he didn't love you he could quite easily go out and cheat on you but instead he controls his natural urge by choosing his fantasy. Its not the girls themselves that turn him on, its the idea behind what they're doing.



Find out exactly what he likes to watch and try to explore similar or mutually agreed role plays, styles, positions, places.



Believe me, your husband does not watch porn because he doesn't love you anymore
Pirate AM™
2009-09-19 16:35:33 UTC
Why are you shocked about this? Humans have been like this for millions (well including all hominids) for millions of years. What is shocking is that you expect him (and you) to be otherwise.
Ernest S
2009-09-18 09:03:00 UTC
Make those feelings known to him.



Punishing him is probably not a good idea but if you are (rightly) so upset it would be difficult for you and unreasonable of him to expect normal relations until the wounds heal as it were.







As he has upset you by his sin, so consider that God is grieved with you also independently for your sin (for we are all sinners) which separates you from Him.



You should see it in this light and seek God for His forgiveness and salvation. God is very forgiving but will not tolerate sin. Read His word, the Bible to find out and to seek Him as He directs.



He is able not only to save but to heal and not just you but your husband too.





Distressing and unpleasant as this is, could it be a blessing in disguise if it prompts you and leads you to the glory of God's salvation and His healing?
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:58:27 UTC
Your husband looking at porn is NOT CHEATING. Get over it.



You could realize that porn isn’t that bad, and watch some with him. My ex-girlfriend used to watch it with me (though she was more picky than I was), sometimes on her suggestion. We’d even go to the store together and buy some (before I could more easily get my hands on internet porn).



"First off, I already asked this question at another site and was very displeased because everybody thought I was religious and that I was mad for religious reasons. This has nothing to do with religion and I am not at all religious. I genuinely feel the way I feel because we have had such a strong relationship."

You do realize you're asking this in the religion section of THIS site right?
anonymous
2009-09-18 09:01:13 UTC
that's a mental problem for one to have a Obsession with porn after all that physical and mental abuse those women go through, a person has to be missing some screws to see anybody got through that torture. I for one, gave up watching that mess because i didnt realize the damage I was doing to my brain or women. just looking at them as only sex objects is not the true intention of respect. its sad but dont give up on family :)
anonymous
2009-09-18 09:08:13 UTC
Guys need to do it, if you think this is somehow cheating you are the crazy one. If you are willing to have sex with him or give him a BJ whenever he wants it then I think he can give up the porn, otherwise let him do his business and you will have a better marriage. He will do it again so don't make him lie about it to spare your feelings this will just create a huge trust issue. I'm glad I'm not that guy because YOU are putting him into an impossible situation, biological impulse vs. immature wife.
edoedo
2009-09-18 09:19:52 UTC
Well, if a man look at women in porn and his mind will never forget her bodies look like.

Keep on looking at porn will make you fall into death trap.

Believe me it is not worth it.

You can go look up Leviticus 20:10,13, 15, 16 ; Romans 1:24 , 26, 27, 32 and 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10. Go get your Bible and read it.
makin_the_same_mistakes
2009-09-18 08:57:44 UTC
Talk to him, let him know how you feel about it. My guess is that he was feeling somewhat neglected in the bedroom already and was looking for a release for sexual tension. In my opinion, he was only looking at pics/video, and not out trying to get some of the real thing. I don't think that women really understand, but a guy watching porn isn't lusting after the woman he is looking at rather than lusting for the act of sex. It really doesn't matter who the woman is, most of the time we don't even bother to find out what their name is.
anonymous
2009-09-19 16:24:14 UTC
Looking at pornography is totally natural, and just because he looked at some porno doesn't mean he cheated on you, my goodness.
MSB
2009-09-18 08:56:39 UTC
You need to stop "punishing" him like he's a child, withholding yourself from him to teach him a "lesson."



Not only is that a control tactic, but it's unhealthy.



I don't really think of looking at porn as cheating, but if he knows you're uncomfortable with it it's obviously disrespectful to you. I understand you're hurt... so talk to him... go to counseling together for a session or to... and eventually you are going to have to forgive him and trust him again if you plan to move on from this.
coffee_pot12
2009-09-18 09:05:06 UTC
am really disappointed at the number of people who actually think that sort of behavior is normal....it is a very sick mind that requires such "entertainment"...



give that computer a complete extensive crap cleaning program and then have the tech person install a preventive anti porn program...



get him to a family counselor with you ASAP...



it is a serious problem...EX got himself kicked out of the air force and divorced because of that..



there are many many men who will not look at anything even related to porn and are very offended at the tv commercials with what is shown.
Lighten
2009-09-20 18:24:29 UTC
you do not satisfy your husband.

im married to a beatiful 26 year old and each night she spices it up.

just be more excited about you know what.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:55:18 UTC
Get over that. What you should be mad about is that he hid it from you and lied about it. Almost every man looks at it and there is nothing wrong with it...

What you should do is try doing it together with him... Make it part of your sexual relationship... If your not into it, then thats ok too, just a suggestion.



And it isn't cheating. If you start taking that away, you might as well get ready for him to cheat since you are becoming a rule maker and he will have to find equality somewhere else..
Gregory
2009-09-18 08:57:57 UTC
you need to talk to him and explain it is cheating



he does not think of it as that way.



have a heart to heart with him of how it hurts you and why



he does not know or understand it.



most men do not understand that using porn is harmful
Galaxis
2009-09-18 09:01:21 UTC
Jehovah's Witnesses say for years that porn is not a harmless amusement. It drives people away from God, away from each other. A lot of people didn't believe us. They laugh about us.



We want the best for you and your spouse. So tell him, the Bible doesn't endorse porn. It's some sort of the 10th commandment:



(Ex. 20:17) “You must not desire your fellowman’s house. You must not desire your fellowman’s wife, nor his slave man nor his slave girl nor his bull nor his *** nor anything that belongs to your fellowman.”



I wish the best to you and your family, and maybe a deep prayer to God will give you relief.
Bethany
2009-09-18 08:53:29 UTC
Maybe you should ask yourself why you're so mad about this... I guess everyone has a different opinion on this but it's not cheating.... I understand how you would feel like there was no reason for him to look at it.. but you should try not to make it as big of a deal as you did...



Then again, you should stick up for how you feel and what you believe.

I just don't think it's a big deal at all..
Not a Member
2009-09-18 08:58:45 UTC
Internet porn is so well regulated these days that it no longer degrades women... Your shock is like finding out that your husband eats insects... Get over it. Most men who use porn think of these women with great respect... while the disgust you feel is borne of jealousy and the low self-esteem. Search within and find the strength to replace this jealousy with pride in your own body and willingness to participate in what he needs.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:56:42 UTC
You're an immature FOOL! EVERY guy looks at porn and it isn't cheating! You were foolish to think for one minute he didn't look at porn! It has NOTHING to do with YOU, you not pleasing him or anything like that. Men are stimulated more by site than women, it's a NORMAL guy thing! YOU just need to GROW UP and accept that this is just something adult males do! I feel sorry for the poor guy for having you FREAK OUT over him being a normal male! Watch with him, you'll find you enjoy the results! GROW UP and quit acting like a big baby!
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷMaiasMummyƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
2009-09-18 08:56:56 UTC
Technically he didn't cheat on you, maybe he just fancied pleasuring himself and felt awkward doing it alone and was just looking for something on the internet to help him as you were'nt there?! It sounds like he really is sorry if he upset you but maybe he didn't know you felt this strongly about looking at porn? Communication is everything :) Maybe you could try watching it together to spice things up! Its only natural and human to look at it! Hope you can sort this out :) good luck x
Trogdor
2009-09-19 16:20:41 UTC
Confront him about it.
wow_adamas
2009-09-18 08:55:47 UTC
QQ! that stands for stop crying!! notice how QQ kinda looks like two eyes crying. man im witty. But srsly, gimme a break. Yeah looking at that **** is bad, but come on. SHOCK? wait till he actually cheats on you to use words "cheating". If he even kisses another woman u can say "cheating". This is him being a douchebag guy that likes naked women. Sorry im pretty sure every male out there that actually has functioning genitals has looked at porn before. BLAH BLAH jsut let it go and dont QQ over something thats not a big deal. Work out someway to use it to your advantage like making him do the laundry , scheme to use it like any normal human being. but dont whine about it , jesus. he did it, oh well. you can QQ or you can le tit go and make something out of it. Trust me ...he KNOWS hes not allowed to do it. He KNOWS he cant just get away with it. Thats why he was HIDING it. just let it go.
?
2009-09-18 08:58:45 UTC
that doesn't mean he's not being loyal to you, its just looking thats all. is looking at an image generated on a screen cheating? no its just looking. most guys do it, you just have to come to terms with that maybe just talk to him how you feel
Eiliat
2009-09-18 08:59:46 UTC
You sit down with him, turn on a porno and watch it with him. That's what any sane person would do, but you don't appear to be sane. Porn is not cheating, it's a masturbatory aid. People masturbate, that's just what they do. You can't be expected to fulfill your husbands every sexual urge, so when he doesn't want to bother you he jacks off. Honestly, you need to go to a therapist and work out your sexual issues because if you don't you're going to ruin this marriage.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:57:19 UTC
Most men look at porn because they are bored, not because they find you unattractive. Try not to take it so personally. Men are sexually charged beings
anonymous
2009-09-20 03:30:03 UTC
partial differentiation is easier, and more enjoyable
Mathias Swaticani
2009-09-18 08:53:41 UTC
Masturbating is a good way to relieve stress, if you record your self you can also give the video to your husband then he will be looking at porn of you so it won't be a problem.
?
2009-09-18 08:54:27 UTC
I understand you must be disappointed about your husband. Looking at porn is wrong and immoral. I know it's hard, but you have to learn to forgive him. Holding a grudge on him and making him feel bad will probably make your relationship worse. If he's doing these things, maybe you should talk to him and try to work things out. Maybe he's having a hard time. I hope for the best for you guys. Try to talk it out and forgive!!
Pe@chGobbler
2009-09-18 08:58:51 UTC
YOU MUST BE REALLY SHOCKED TO FIND OUT A MAN IS LOOKING AT PORN!!! HAHAHA

Or course he is looking at porn, that how he gets so turned on to get the courage to go to bed to you.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:55:16 UTC
Why don't you watch it with him. Obviously he was looking for something your not giving him, a little variety, a little bit of spice. There is nothing wrong with watching it every once and a while, if he had an addiction there is a problem but your just being dramatic.
J P
2009-09-18 08:54:34 UTC
This is one thing that some women just don't get. It has nothing to do with you or how hot you are or how much he loves you. We're just wired that way. All guys look at porn. Some guys lie about it.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:56:17 UTC
there's nothing wrong with watching porn. maybe try to have a more active sex life. maybe be adventurous yourself. most of all try not to be threatened by every little thing, because self confidence is sexy.
Bill
2009-09-18 08:55:57 UTC
Were you shocked when you found out he had testicles too? Viewing pornography is not cheating. It isn't even close. You should consider yourself lucky if this is the biggest problem in your marriage.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:54:46 UTC
Nothing wrong with looking at porn once in a while. Its only a problem if he gets obsessed. You sound like a prude. Sit down and watch some with him and it will probably improve your sex life so he won't have to watch it anymore.
?
2009-09-18 08:54:47 UTC
Jesus Christ,Calm the **** down woman.running out of the house in tears?give the man a break,it's all natural,dont tell me you dont watch clips on you tube or lime wire?it's your fault for not giving the poor hard working guy what he want's
voicefromparis
2009-09-18 08:54:38 UTC
Get a grip woman! Porn is sexual stimulus. Every man (and woman) feels it and needs it. It is not "cheating" but merely fantasy. You need to understand people have needs. They always have and always will have. Porn is healthy when used correctly. What you explain is not.
Sathi
2009-09-18 08:55:30 UTC
He looks at porn and...he's cheating on you? Ummm...o.k.



You can be upset, but I think you're overreacting.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:54:50 UTC
It's just porn...it's not like he's cheating on you. Be glad he's not doing that! Maybe he has some fantasies that you should try and talk to him about.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:54:27 UTC
You need to accept it,and get over it,

Every man in the world has looked at porn,it is not cheating.

It is just something that us men do.



Most of us get away with the habit for years,before we gat caught.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:54:22 UTC
Honey, get over yourself! It's more a blow to your ego, that's all. No woman will ever be hot enough to keep her man away from being interested in porn.



By the way...You really need to get over yourself if you think that is cheating. You either need to get out more, or get a life!!

Bedchamber???? Wow! I bet he just looks forward to hopping in bed with you every night!!! Oh Lord...LOL!!!!!





.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:53:46 UTC
oh noes he was looking at porn. big deal.
?
2009-09-18 08:55:51 UTC
its a weakness most men have....i guess you will have to accept it .
L@@K CLOSELY stop being stupid
2009-09-18 08:55:45 UTC
Are you kidding?



I've always cheated on b*itchy women. If you are one, be prepared. It's probably your fault.
2nd In Command to David
2009-09-18 08:54:54 UTC
its just porn lol
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:54:43 UTC
You need to pray and hope that He doesn't see it again.



I DON"T BELIEVE THAT WOMEN GET JEALOUS WHEN WE WATCH PORN.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:54:02 UTC
First off its natural. Secondly know that men are visual creatures.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:54:05 UTC
Please stand up in front of a mirror and look at yourself honestly! You may find a good answer of your own question.
anonymous
2009-09-18 08:52:37 UTC
Sleeping on the couch will make him do it more.

Maybe it's your fault...you could take sex classes.
LuckyStar.
2009-09-18 08:52:32 UTC
Id either chop his penis and balls off so he cant masturbate or watch porn with him





xD


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