How to tell your Muslim parents you are not Muslim?

Question

Since I was 14 I have questioned my religion, I found things to be unfair because I am a girl. Going out with my friends are an issue with my parents. I have to keep my head down and take whatever is thrown at me, it's ridiculous. It's going way too far and I just can't take it anymore.

My father is an Irish convert who has belief but doesn't practise as much as he would love to. My mother is a Moroccan born Muslim and extremely proud of her heritage. When I was 17 I was going out with a Moroccan/English boy for about over a year, we broke up due to my lack of freedom. Around this time my dad wanted to have a talk with me and my two sisters because my mother was complaining about us. Saying especially to me that 'my heart has become hard and cold'. During this time I was irritable, depressed and lost interest in everything, my artwork also suffered as I don't feel the love or happiness around it that I once did. And they were noticing.

My dad sat me and my sisters on the table and asked us 'are you a muslim?' they both said as, I said no. How can I call myself a muslim? I don't follow the 5 pillars, I only fast during ramadan to keep my mother happy, so why be so hypocritical to call myself that? my dad wasn't angry to my surprise, he was disappointed but he didn't react how I thought he would. He just told me that over time, when Im ready I might regain my faith. It's my mother that's the problem.

She continues to ask me, 'when are you going to start praying?' I feel like screaming at her that I wont! she can even see for herself that every time she asks me I either leave the room or I ignore her!

I don't know when she will realise, I think she's too damn proud or that she is just too scared to face reality that not everyone believes or thinks the way she does, and I am so happy that I don't!

What should I do? I'm tired of this.

Answer 1

well i kind of understand you situation

both of my parents are muslims and im an Atheist.

so i used to believe in god, but then i just stopped because it seems pretty ridiculous for me

you need to sit and have a mature conversation with your mother

tell her that your a grown girl and you need to be able to make your own decisions in life !

tell her that by her forcing you to pray and do all the things she tells you to , you will not do it, because it isn't your choice. it is your life and you need to make the decisions. Let her know that she's hurting you and affecting your every day life by doing this !

mothers are very emotional and they wouldn't want to hurt their child , so let her know how much your suffering. this may be hard however because muslim parents are strict, but do it for once and all !!!

Answer 2

I am also in a similar situation, I am currently learning more about Islam and making the choice if I am going to convert. My real issue is that I am a young white woman, I have no Muslim support system, and I don't know how to go about easing into this religion and learning everything about it. What I do know about the religion I do love, I have yet to buy a Q'uran though. As I learn about the religion more and more, I drop hints to my parents. I am slowly learning more and more, and telling them little bits at a time about what I think, what I agree with. So I figure once I make a choice for my life, they will not be surprised if I choose Islam. The other thing making my situation uncomfortable is that theres only 1 mosque near me, which my boyfriend and his family attend. He would love for me to become Muslim but I am not willing to convert for him, I will only be converting if its what I love. I do not want him to see me at the mosque and feel betrayed that I was doing this behind his back instead of involving him in this process, and if I choose its not what I want I don't want to break his heart either. Hes fine with me being "Christian-Catholic" (how I was raised) but of course would like for us to have the same religious views completely. Anways, just ease them into it, drop hints here and there so theres no surprise. Thats what I am doing and they seem to be taking it well so far. (so far 2 years) Good luck.

Answer 3

Religion is 90% about tradition and people honouring their parents than about believing in supernatural events from antiquity. It's tribal: People are rarely called to account over what they REALLY believe, as long as they go through the motions and they don't have to explain themselves to the neighbours. Yes it's bullying and I support your independence though if it causes turmoil you don't wish for then perhaps you should be open about that fact and tell them that while you live with them you will honour the traditions as a gesture to them and the community they come from (just as an atheist might celebrate Christmas, join in with 'saying grace' at a friends' house), while your own beliefs are private and not even on the table for discussion. This might mean pretending to pray and putting up with fasting (though that is usually more about remembering peoples' hardship anyway), though you might find that going through the motions is all they really cared about anyway.

Answer 4

You should just go along with their beliefs until you are about 18 and move out of the house to start a life on your own.

It seems like right now you are probably a teenager and you are dependent on your parents.

You have to respect them, their beliefs, and their rules until you can move out on your own.

When you move out, they won't make decisions for you anymore, and you can do whatever you please.

They cannot stop you from having a personal opinion.



However, if you don't want to be a Muslim because you have to 'keep your head down and take whatever is thrown at you,' You should be proud of who you are. I doubt that is the case though.



Don't argue with your mom about it as much, let her know how much you respect her beliefs, and that it might not be right for you.



When the time comes, Take my advice. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Im feeling for you right now. I was brought up in a religion I didnt believe as well. My parents like yours were disappointed I didnt have their ideals in my heart. Parents beliefs in my opinion should not be forced on their children. It is wrong in principle. You are 18 and finding your own life path. It is your right otherwise you are living a lie.



Dont get angry with the folks, even if they do. You should do what you think is right for you. You may change your mind later on in a few years. ( I didnt ) Good luck.

Answer 7

Since she is your mother and since you are still dependent on your family I suggest you not to revolt at this critical time. When you are established and can be on your own then you should throw off the stupid religion that was imposed on you. I know its hard to keep acting something you are not but certainly you don't have a choice now...

She might create further trouble if you resist at this point remember honor killing is quite acceptable among muslims. I am not saying she is bad but just a possibility.



Remember if your honest, sincere and caring there is no need for a imaginary deity that commands his slaves to treat women like sh!t





Edit:



What do you mean your not allowed to go out? your 19 and if you have completed your college education you should be able to get a job. or are you planning to pursue your higher studies and need to be dependent on your family further? In that case you should explain your dad your situation and he might be able to control your mom's over sensitivity..No offence but after all women are always deemed inferior in Islam...Tell your dad you cant go on with something that is not for you..

Answer 8

Good for you for thinking for yourself. It's amazing how the brains works. One can design and build a nuke, and yet still believe a sky daddy created everything and listens to prayers.



Have a listen to Sam Harris, he has some great debates on youtube. I especially like the 8 part video about his book, end of faith.



Very respectful and intellectual person.

Answer 9

Reverse the role. Sit them down and talk to them. Explain that you respect them for their beliefs, but based on your beliefs and how a woman should be treated, being Muslim isn't in your heart, and to have it forced on you by continuous request for prayer is causing you to want to rebel even stronger.



If you believe in a supreme being, but question it, let them know that too. Honesty is the best policy, and the key is to let them know while you may not agree you respect and love them.

Answer 10

All I can say is you must still have the utmost respect for your parents, especially your mother.



From your mothers point of view, you are her ammaana. You are not hers. God blessed you to her and you will return back to God, and she knows this. That is why she fears so much for you. You are her responsibility and she WILL be asked about you. That is why she is stressing so much on you to pray, fast, read, wear hijab, stop seeing boys, etc.... And this is for your good.



Your dad is right too, that no one can force faith into you. That is why he is patient and praying that you will gain it one day when you grow up. Him being a convert, can probably reason with you.



Your mother and father both want whats best for you. And you in return must remember than you can NEVER reciprocate back the love of your parents especially your mother. Islam teaches us that.

For now be kind to them, make them happy and comfortable and keep reading about Islam please, listen to lectures too. We all will make du'aa for you and may Allah make us all among the believers, Ameen!.

Answer 11

I didn't tell them, why would I? They don't need to know. My situation is very close to yours, my dad never asked me to pray, in the other hand, my mom is very fundamentalist, telling her I'm not a Muslim anymore is like saying I kill children.

Answer 12

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Answer 13

Sit your mother down and tell her the facts face to face and make her understand how you really feel.

Answer 14

I told my dad whilst chomping on a bacon double cheeseburger, listening to parental-warning lyrics pop music and on the way to my friend's Bah Mitzvah.



Definitely not 'haram'.

Answer 15

Use care, as per Koran guidelines, your family is to kill you if you denounce your faith. I would just find a way to get away and tell them. Depending on how deeply they are down the rabbit hole, you may have to cut off all ties from them and never let them know where you live.

Answer 16

whatever you do, i urge you to reject the cult of islam, it isnt good



your also 18 - you can move out whenever you like and you will be supported



live your life in freedom, not bound by the machinations of a diseased non religion

Answer 17

Sit down and have a good talk with your mother. If that doesn't change her behavior, she deserves to be ignored.

Answer 18

To you my sister. I read all your writings. I wept a little and my tears dropped. All I say that He who promised to be with us to the end will never forsake you. I will pray for you and for your family as soon as I submit this. It is necessary to keep a copy of the gospel at least the gospel of John in your wallet. It is necessary to have tome just to talk with the Lord Jesus. Try to invite Him into your heart and enjoy such sweet fellowship with Him day and night. Say to Him (Lord Jesus you are my Lord. You died for me and took my place on the cross. You teach me to love my enemies.) He will answer you in your heart that You can know now how much I loved you. You will know in heaven every thing I done for you.

My name now is (SHAHEED AMEEN)

Answer 19

for my advice: Islam is better......and this is not a reason to leave your religion!!

and then see which religion is better by reading about Islam, Islam is a good religion

and if you are mad from praying and wearing hijab and not talk that much with boys,blah,blah it's not important at your age cause the place where you are living is hard to do that thing so i think Islam is better

^_^

Answer 20

Good for you, man. To Star, as well.

Answer 21

go to your mom and say im not muslim anymore. and explain why.. you have to b anything you dont wanna

Answer 22

Islam is the only true and scientific religion.



Holy Quran have several Scientific Miraculous.



Big Bang:



"A new start forming out of a cloud of gas and dust (nebula), which is one of the remnants of the "SMOKE" THAT WAS THE ORIGIN OF THE WHOLE UNIVERSE" [The Space Atlas, Hearther and Hencest, page 50]



1500 years Ago Allah Almighty says this in Holy Quran:



"Then He(God) turned to the Heaven when it was SMOKE..." [Quran, 41:11]



Only Islam claims that the universe was originated from Dust, and Hot Gas, or Smoke!



Its really interesting to know that the Big Bang Theory suggest that the Universe is still expanding until today, because this is EXACTLY what Allah Almighty also claimed in Holy Quran:



"And the firmament, We constructed with power and skill and and verily WE ARE EXPANDING IT" [Quran, 51:47]



The word "Samaa" was used for "firmament". "Samma" as I mentioned above means either "heaven", or "Universe" depending on how it is used. Certainly, the meaning word "Samma" in Quran 51:47 is "Universe"



So here its mentioned about the Universe.



Note: In Quran God referred Himself as "We" its plural royality.



See >> "verily WE ARE EXPANDING IT(Universe)" [Quran, 51:47]



According to Big Bang Theory and Modern Science the Universe still Expanding! Allah Almighty says it 1500 years ago in Holy Quran!



An important point:



God Almighty says in Quran: "And when the heaven splitteth asunder and becometh ROSY LIKE PAINT" [Quran, 55:37]



The explosion of galaxies are shaped like roses mentioned in Quran and confirmed by modern Science! See the several photo from NASA what showing "Rose-shape" galaxies! Please click this link to see those picture http://www.answering-christianity.com/galaxy_explosion.htm



More proof about Rose-Shape Galaxies Please click this link http://www.answering-christianity.com/paint_in_space_miracle.htm



Allah Almighty says the planets in space rotate and move. Read the following verse:



"It is HE who created the Night and the Day, and the sun and the moon: all (the celestial bodies) rotate, each other in their celestial spheres" [Quran 21:33 from Yushuf Ali]



"(God is) the one who created the night, the day, the sun and the moon. Each one is traveling in an orbit with its own motion" [Quran, 21:33]



The real shape of earth:



"And the earth, moreover, hath He made egg shaped" [Quran, 79:30 from Rashad Khalifa]



Click this link for check it http://www.submission.org/efarsi/arabic/sura79.html



This verse in Arabic "Waal-arda baAAda thalika Dahaha" [Quran, 79:30]



Here Arabic word "Dahaha" is derived from "Dahhyah" which means "Egg"



The Arabic word for egg here is dahaha which mean an ostrich-egg. The shape of an ostrich-egg resembles the geo-spherical shape of earth.



Thus the Quran correctly describes the shape of the earth, though the prevalent nation when the Quran was written revealed was that the earth flat. So Quran is truth.



Quran says Moonlight is reflected Light:



Science now tell us that the Light of the moon is reflected light. However this fact was mentioned 1500 years ago in Quran!



"Blessed is He Who made Constellations the skies, and placed therein a Lamp and a Moon giving Light." [Quran, 25:61]



"See ye not how Allah has created the seven heavens one above another, And made the moon a (reflecting) light in their midst, and made the sun as a Glorious Lamp?" [Quran, 71:15-16]



"Did you see how Allah created seven heavens, and and above the other, and made in them the moon a light and the sun a Lamp?" [Quran, 78:12-13]



The Quran distinguishes between them by the use of different terms: Light (Noor) for the Moon, and Lamp (Siraaj) for the Sun.



In Arabic word Noor mean: "be revealed, TO RECEIVE LIGHT, to be lighted"



This is clearly mean reflecting to light, because it RECEIVES LIGHT FROM SUN and it is lighted and revealed by it.



"It is He who made the sun to be a shining glory and the moon be a light (of beauty)." [Quran, 10:5 from Yushuf Ali]



Why Quran not says moon also a shining glory as like sun? The verse have clear difference between sun and moon lights. This mean He created the sun with its shining light, and the moon with its reflected light.



Now we know moon have no lights and its the reflected light from sun. Quran says same 1500 years ago.



"Do the unbelievers not realize that the heavens and the earth were Joined together, then I clove them asunder and I MADE EVERY LIVING THING OUT OF WATER" [Quran, 21:30]



This is a dramatic affirmation of the modern idea that the origin of life is aquate. Now we know Cytoplasm 95% is water.



Botany:



Progress in botany at the time of Muhammad(pbuh) was not advanced enough in any country for scientists to know that PLANTS HAVE BOTH MALE AND FEMALE parts, Nevertheless, we may read the following in the Quran:



"(God is the one who) sent down rain from the sky and with it brought forth a variety of plants in pairs" [Quran, 20:53]



Today we know that fruits comes from plants that have sexual characteristcs even when they come from unfertilized flowers, LIKE BANANAS. In the Quran we read the following:



"...And of all fruits (God) placed (on the earth) TWO PAIRS.." [Quran, 13:3]



EMBRYOLOGY:



Quran have detail about the birth of human being. THIS IS THE DIVINE MIRACULOUS OF HOLY QURAN. Please click this link http://www.miraclesofthequran.com/scientific_57.html

Answer 23

just explain to her that you love her but you are a grown up and your life is yours,

and welcome aboard!

Answer 24

...

it seems like you already told your parents..

Answer 25

Don't they do "honor" killings for this kinda stuff

Answer 26

Dear.you should read Quran to know and strengthen your faith.Leave everything else just read Quran.