For all believers , what do you think of this?

Question

1. There was a church that had problems with outsiders
parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign:
CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY,
TRESPASSERS WILL BE BAPTIZED!
That took care of the problem!


2. "No God - No Peace? Know God - Know Peace."


3. "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"


4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."


5. "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"


6. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads:
"For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."


7. When the restaurant next to another Church put out a sign with big red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."


8. "People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."


9. "Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily."


10. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-smoking?"


11. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"


12. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."


13. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."


14. "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."


15. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."


16. "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."


17. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."


18. "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" ----- (U R)


19. "In the dark? Follow the Son."


20. "Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."


21. "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."

Answer 1

I like them.......I've heard some of them before - still like them.



God Bless..........

Answer 2

I love great, funny Christian jokes. I'd like to share some with you.



1. Poor Attendance



Preacher: "How come I never see you in church anymore, Morris?" Morris: "There are too many hypocrites there, Reverend." Preacher: "Don't worry, Morris; there's always room for one more."



2. The Parable of the Seagull



A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," she replied. The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"



3. A Father's Sermon



A minister's young son sat on the floor of his father's office watching him write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" the boy asked. "Why, God tells me." his father replied.

"Well, then why do you keep crossing things out?"



4. God is Watching



Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching."

At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Moving through the line a boy wrote another note to leave by the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."



5. Hot Horseradish



A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."



6. Serving Two Masters



A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.



"Nothing easier," Twain replied. "No man can serve two masters."



7. The Haircut



A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"



The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."



To which his father replied, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"



Hope you like them!



gatita_63109

Answer 3

simply amazing thoughtful quotes. loved them all. especially once which talk about hell. hardly churches talk about hell these days. if only people know beforehand how hopeless the place of fire will be, then all the world would be saved by accepting the Good News of Jesus Christ which God wants everyone to know.



here's one i heard from a pastor "If you want to stay awake through a sermon, be the one giving it"

Answer 4

I have a t-shirt with number 21 on it. :u) For the rest, I might use them when I start my own church

Answer 5

Very very

Witty Suzie - - - I am sending this one around the globe!

Have a star! Hugs CJ

Answer 6

Great collection. # 1 & # 7 are real beaties.

Answer 7

So True - So True & funny too!

Thanks for the laugh!

Answer 8

I really like them. Great phrases.

Answer 9

You gave me a good laughter.



God bless you!

Answer 10

Really good and new ones at that.

Answer 11

Funny and clever!

Answer 12

These are great! I really needed a good laugh today - and this was it! Thanks for sharing them!

Answer 13

Those are great!

Answer 14

I think these are great!

Answer 15

Those are cute

Answer 16

i think that they are really funny

Answer 17

These are great & thanks for sharing. :)