Yeap... Christians ought to honor Saint Joseph... their Saint Protector!
The Gospel writers came short disclosing that the Blessed Virgin Mary must have passed out when she was sexually overcome like in an orgasmic experience by the power of God the Holy Ghost! She was a naughty girl believing in God’s command, “Be fruitful and Multiply!” We still have the writings of the Early Church Fathers telling us all about it. Mary was a horny teenager in full puberty. She was very eagerly submitting to the advances of the proxy agent the Archangel Saint Gabriel dressed in a slick business suit (spiritually speaking, of course!). God the Holy Ghost sent him to fix a deal for him with the Blessed Virgin Mary. She didn’t hesitate for one moment to comply with the indecent proposal of a perfect stranger! So it was not a rape, but more like a horny young girl's dream to lay God the Holy Ghost come true! Throughout Christian history this story is what makes so many priests and preachers fond of young girls!
It appears that as soon as Saint Joseph leaves the house on an errand and Mary stays home alone or she goes to the Temple of God in search of a decent lay like Old Israel used to do every timer they went to the Temple (2 kings 23:7), The Blessed Virgin Mary is telling us that God the Holy Ghost “overcomes” her in a most bizarre copulation of unprotected sex ever recorded in any religious story book. Mary ends up getting pregnant. She was never married to God the Holy Ghost, but so what! She was not married to Saint Joseph, either. She was STILL TECHNICALLY AVAILABLE. She was LIVING TOGETHER WITH SAINT JOSEPH IN THE SAME HOUSE. She was only “engaged” to be married to him. Marriage rules in those days were much different from today! In most cases the groom or his parents buy the bride when she is still a baby, or at a very young age for sexual intercourse and must wait for a while before trying. If he ever existed, Saint Joseph must have been an old chap. The fact of the story is that he is not the legitimate father of the Baby God the Son Jesus Christ! So what does that make Jesus, but a Holy b-a-s-t-a-r-d? There are plenty of vulgar words with the initials SOB that we can rightfully use to describe Jesus even today, but since the Early Church Fathers came up with the brilliant idea to bestow on the Blessed Virgin Mary the title of Perpetual Virginity nobody would dare to call Jesus any vulgar name! God wouldn’t deal with Jesus until his 10th generation! No matter what happened during the sexual tryst that Mary had with God the Holy Ghost her VIRGINITY was never compromised! Her hallowed hymen was NEVER TORN! She NEVER stopped having her regular periods, either, even during pregnancy otherwise she wouldn’t be a virgin if her periods stopped for any length of time. According to the law of the Bible God she would be stoned to death. Her parents need to have handy her last tampon at all times (Deut 22:20-21)! BTW, the Bloody Mary drink that we all enjoy was named after Mary’s period to honor her perpetual virginity, spiritually speaking, of course! So please, sip of it in full devotion when in company of your best Catholic friends! Most Protestants don’t go for it, but they still enjoy a good Bloody Mary drink. For the most knowledgeable ones it is a terrific turn on!
The Blessed Virgin Mary kept her pregnancy a secret from her fiancé Saint Joseph for 6 months! When he found out that her belly was getting unusually big he was going to dump her. Mary assured him that she was still a virgin and that she going to mother God. Fortunately Saint Joseph had a dream that same night confirming her statements, so he kept her! When you love someone that badly you are bound to dream up almost anything! Most Christians, especially Catholics believe that the marriage of Saint Joseph to the Virgin Mary was never consummated. Today, Joseph is the Guardian Saint Protector of the Virgin Mary’s Perpetual Virginity and also the Saint Protector of all the Christian believers in the World! Countless faithful pray to him, too!
Because of the Holy Trinity connection, the Blessed Virgin Mary became recognized as the Mother of God conceived without the “original sin™”. Always virgin! Her hymen was not torn neither during the intercourse with God the Holy Ghost, nor during her pregnancy or at delivery! The Virgin Mary’s virginity is a miracle verified by Saint Salome to the fullest satisfaction of the Early Church Fathers! Nobody can prove any abuse! In 1950 it became a Church dogma that she ascended bodily into Heaven! Now she is officially known as the Queen of Heaven and the Mother of God! I don’t believe that she would be willing to complain about any statutory rape or abuse!!! The Vatican compensated her beyond her wildest dreams! LUCKY TEENAGER!
The Blessed Virgin Mary was really drenched in Holy Ghost Sperm from head to toe like the Early Church Fathers report in their queer Gospel that had equal chance to be part of the Holy Bible, but they already had so many books that it didn’t make it. The decided to admit only a number of books for the Holy NT equal to the number of letters in the Greek alphabet!
GOSPEL OF SAINT BARTHOLOMEW
http://www.gnosis.org/library/gosbart.htm
Chapter 2 (II)
3 Bartholomew therefore said unto Peter: Thou that art the chief, and my teacher, draw near and ask her. But Peter said to John: Thou art a virgin and undefiled and thou must ask her.
4 And as they all doubted and disputed, Bartholomew came near unto her with a cheerful countenance and said to her: Thou that art highly favored the tabernacle of the Most High, unblemished we, even all the apostles, ask thee to tell us how thou didst conceive the incomprehensible.
5 But Mary said unto them: Ask me not concerning this mystery. If I should begin to tell you, fire will issue forth out of my mouth and consume all the world.
6 But they continued yet the more to ask her. And she, for she could not refuse to hear the apostles, said: Let us stand up in prayer
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(7 Verses of a prayer in the “Gibberish” (Pentecostal) tongue…)
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14 And when she had ended the prayer she began to say unto them: Let us sit down upon the ground; and come thou, Peter the chief, and sit on my right hand and put thy left hand beneath mine armpit; and thou, Andrew, do so on my left hand; and thou, John, the virgin* (*no joking!), hold together my bosom; and thou, Bartholomew, set thy knees against my back and hold my shoulders, lest when I begin to speak my bones be loosed one from another* (*she was anticipating another orgasmic experience of humongous proportions just at the thought of having had sex with God the Holy Ghost! It is all in the Early Church Father’s writings!).
15 And when they had so done she began to say: When I abode in the temple of God, on a certain day there appeared unto me one in the likeness of an angel.
16 And straightway the veil of the temple was rent and there was a very great earthquake, and I fell upon the earth, for I was not able to endure the sight of him.
17 But he put his hand beneath me and raised me up, and I looked up into heaven AND THERE CAME A CLOUD OF DEW AND SPRINKLED ME FROM THE HEAD TO THE FEET* (*this is not hard to imagine if you ever watched any bukakke video!), and he wiped me with his robe* (*apparently, there was not a shower room in the Temple of God!).
The Blessed Virgin Mary never lost her virginity during her sexual intercourse with God the Holy Ghost, and not even during DELIVERY of the Baby God Jesus Christ! According to...
THE PROTEVANGELIUM OF SAINT JAMES
http://www.newadvent.org/fathers/0847.htm
19. And the midwife went forth out of the cave, and Salome met her. And she said to her: Salome, Salome, I have a strange sight to relate to thee: a virgin has brought forth-a thing which her nature admits not of. Then said Salome: As the Lord my God liveth, unless I thrust in my finger, and search the **** parts, I will not believe that a virgin has brought forth.
20. And the midwife went in, and said to Mary: Show thyself* (*spread thy legs!), for no small controversy has arisen about thee. And Salome put in her finger, and cried out, and said: Woe is me for mine iniquity and mine unbelief, because I have tempted the living God; and, behold, my hand is dropping off as if burned with fire* (*She got real hot using her whole hand in search of the hallowed hymen! In her excitement, she almost destroys the paramount prove of Mary’s virginity and God the Holy Ghost had to slap her hand!).
All this official Early Church Fathers’ account comes to you at the tune of…
"♫♪ Faith of our Fathers, living still…♪♫♪ we will be true to thee till death!... ♫♪"