Do you have to forgive someone for something they did to you?

Question

Even if what they did stripped you of your dignity, hurt your soul, i dont see why i am required to forgive this monster of a person, who changed my life in a horrible way, why did jesus say to forgive, even if someone did something horrible to you.what about jesus putting this man in hell where is the justice in me forgiving him for what he did to me?

Answer 1

Of course Jesus wants you to forgive. Do you know why? Jesus knows what holding on to the hurt and anger will do to you.



Let's say that you refuse to forgive - and it sounds like you have good reason. How much time will you waste being angry and dwelling on the hurt? How long will you be stuck in your life because that person isn't sorry and can't/won't make it up to you?



Your life is too precious to waste like that. You don't have the luxury of not forgiving because it's _not_ really a luxury - it's a prison sentence.



Hatred is like burning down your own house to kill a rat. - Unknown



Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die. - Unknown



Forgiveness is letting go of the weight that keeps _you_ trapped. Your enemy is likely going on about life as if it doesn't matter. It doesn't seem fair for you to stay tied to it, does it?



Edit: Please understand that forgiveness and reconciliation are two very different matters. You can forgive without continuing a relationship with someone. Forgiving is not forgetting, or excusing, or condoning. Forgiving is setting yourself free. It is accepting the truth that you can't change what happened, as much as you would love to undo what was done.



I'm so sorry you were raped. I forgave the man who raped me. I would never go out with him again. I would never trust him again. But he doesn't own my life. He may never repent. He can never make it up to me. He can never fix what he did. And if I waited to heal until one of those things happened, my life would always be about that moment.



Please talk with someone you trust about this and please seek counseling - especially if the rapist is someone in your life or in the life of someone you love. You'll need someone safe who can help you set boundaries and heal. You'll need love and support.



Be good to yourself. The best "revenge" is not hurting him, it's living your best life because you know that he (and what he did) is not worth keeping you from really living and being happy.

Answer 2

It is a tragedy that you were victimized by this individual but there is only one way for you to get through this. You have choices to make. You can choose to be the victim and fan the fires of hatred for this man or you can choose the life that is worth living. First, accept that you are a spiritual being living out a human life. You are not the body that was raped. Your spirit was untouched. When you had this awful thing happen to you, it was your body that was victimized. It is terrible and I cannot imagine the horrible pain this has caused. But know that your spirit, that survives bodily death, is eternal and is cared for by God. You are not your body. It is a house for your soul. With that, you do need to see the rapist as a damaged soul who is more to be pitied than hated. Please stop damaging your own soul with hate. You can heal from this. Forgiveness is not the same as saying an act was okay. It is a letting go so that healing can take place. God bless you and I pray for you.

Answer 3

I know you're angry right now but I suggest reading a book called "A New Earth" it explains why we hold onto the anger and helps you move past it among many other things. But you have to be ready to give up the anger. It's an amazing book, it's completely changed my life. I was an angry person who walked around pissed at the world for a long time. I even went through counseling and anger management for 2 years but didn't really get the picture until I read this book. Google it! It's worth it.

And you are not required to forgive anyone or anything because we were given free will- meaning we have a choice with everything- however there are consequences to every choice- good and bad.

Justice is not ours to give- leave that up to Jesus- everyone gets what's comin to them and just because you don't get the satisfaction of seeing or knowing what it is doesn't mean it won't happen.

Answer 4

I know it is something hard to do but I always look at it like this. I have not always been where I should have in life but if I expect God to forgive me for the sins I have commited then I would hope I can forgive others. I have always wondered how I could handle this if it has to do with my kids but look at what Jesus went through. Plus it would be a demon in the soul of the one who hurt you if they can ever find away to release this demon and come back to God. This life is mearly a small blink of time, on the other side we will not feel this pain or deal with all this suffering. We do not know Gods big plan and there for just try and let Gods will be done and try to avoid situations.

Answer 5

Christianity says "forgive" but neglects to explain how. The book "Emotional Resilience" by David Viscott MD explains how the emotions work and how to deal with them in order to find mental health.



In this case where you're an innocent victim, forgiveness requires one to attempt to relate to the attacker. You would have to consider that the attacker is a human being just like you, except he had a horrible life, which turned him into the mindless angry criminal who attacked you. In other words, you would try not to take it personally, because it had nothing to do with you, says nothing about you, and only reflects on his life and his failings.



Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to embrace who he is, try to contact him and be his friend, only that you accept it as one possible, albeit horrible, aspect of life. On the contrary you should stay far, far away.



But, I understand that some victims blame themselves, that they didn't fight back hard enough or were in the wrong place at the wrong time. You have to forgive yourself for these things as well in order to move forward in life. The way to do that is to admit that everyone makes mistakes, no one's perfect, including you, and that all we can do is keep trying.



I hope this helps or you check out the book I mentioned, because this is just a summary of the conclusions I drew from the book, and maybe others would find different solutions, but regardless, the church isn't offering such simple truths and techniques. You really have to think.

Answer 6

Forgiving is so that we can go on with life and be happy and not come into bitterness and hate. I too have had many people do the same to me, I was a very abused child by many people, but I asked God to put forgiveness in my heart, as I was unable to do that on my own. If you ask Him, He will do that and you will find that all of the sudden you can forgive. You will feel better. Also when you realize that we all sin and need forgiveness and if you just get a glimpse of what hell looks and feels like, you will not want anyone to go there. I know that you want justice, I know that feeling, I wanted all those people to suffer that injured me. They are suffering if they have not been delivered from their sin, they are in torment and pain. Usually people that have been abused themselves as younger people, grow up and abuse others. When we commit a sin, we can be forgiven, but we still have to deal with the consequences of that sin, and that can be very painful. God also states that when we don't forgive we can't be forgiven of our sin. Can I also ad that I think that anyone that rapes, molests or kills should be put to death. I know this sounds harsh, but this is what I believe.

Answer 7

I'm not a christian, so I am perhaps coming from a different perspective. To me, forgiving someone means cutting yourself free from them, and letting them go their own way, without a desire for revenge, which only harms YOU. Maybe you will never completely recover from the damage done to you (I was a victim of child abuse of various kinds, including sexual) and yet if you continue to focus on the perpetrator you give him power over you. If you forgive him - let him go, let go the chance that you'll wake up to find it was all a horrible dream, and concentrate on recovering your own self and power, then you free yourself. If you could find some compassion for the pain the perpetrator was in, or maybe if you are a christian you could ask Jesus to forgive him, that's up to you ... but if you forgive him maybe it could be in the sense that you let go of it and NOT in the sense that you say it is OK what he did, maybe that will help. If it doesn't I'm sorry - you need to work this out in your own way, but know that people care. I do.

Answer 8

Aside from the fact that the Scriptures are clear that if we want forgiveness - (and we really can't put that aside) then we must be willing to also extend it. (Matthew 6:14 ...For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

It doesn't get a whole lot clearer than that.

Consider the indignities our Lord suffered and his reasons for doing so and measure that against your own situation.

We forgive - and if we fail - we keep at it because God says we should. We never give up trying - trusting He will be there to help us in what He asks us to do - and we get on with living for Him.

Don't allow the sinfulness of another to disable your life and worth before the Lord and to others.

Answer 9

It is a part of letting go of the pain. Forgiveness is a part of the healing. The person forgiven isn't the one who benefits, but the person who was hurt.



People in pain often wind up lashing out, and forgiveness interrupts that cycle.



Letting go of the pain and hurt doesn't make a person any less vulnerable. In fact, life is be better than it would be without it.



And just because you forgive someone doesn't mean all is forgotten or that you won't need to exercise some caution in dealing with the individual.

Answer 10

have to forgive him to be forgiven yourself ..and that any sin is worthy of hell fire and all the things you've already heard .. But ou're not asking because you're a christuan are you ?? If you were you'd understand how tough it seems to forgive someone for hurting you ..All of us understand because we've all been treated unfairly ..You can say we don't understand because we haven't been afflicted as you have ,,,,But guess what Jesus has he paid the price for everyones sins.. he was totally innocent pure and holy ..something no one else can claim .. absolutely innocent and he had the entirerty of mankinds sins dumped onto him .. romans says he became sin ..... So guess what Jesus understands and he's where you need to take your pain .. to some one who loves you like none other and can absolutely understand and help you with what you're feeling ..If you were a christian i'd be telling you that you need to praise god for the terrible things that he has allowed us to go through but I can see that theres little chance of you understanding that at this point considering there are a ton of christians who would have to sit down hard and think that one over too... i know if you take your needs to jesus and believe he's sufficient to be a sacrifice for your dins and a way to the heart of god than you'll be fine ... forgiving someone is part of helping you understand your own sins we've all sinned and we're all damned not because of how bad or not so bad our sins are but because of the immensity of gods holiness .. because of the unbelievable purity and radiance of his glory ... ever hear about heaven .. ever wonder why they are singing gods praises constantly ... It's cuz he's so /so /so magnificent lookj t

Answer 11

You know I would tell you that you have to forgive him to be forgiven yourself ..and that any sin is worthy of hell fire and all the things you've already heard .. But ou're not asking because you're a christuan are you ?? If you were you'd understand how tough it seems to forgive someone for hurting you ..All of us understand because we've all been treated unfairly ..You can say we don't understand because we haven't been afflicted as you have ,,,,But guess what Jesus has he paid the price for everyones sins.. he was totally innocent pure and holy ..something no one else can claim .. absolutely innocent and he had the entirerty of mankinds sins dumped onto him .. romans says he became sin ..... So guess what Jesus understands and he's where you need to take your pain .. to some one who loves you like none other and can absolutely understand and help you with what you're feeling ..If you were a christian i'd be telling you that you need to praise god for the terrible things that he has allowed us to go through but I can see that theres little chance of you understanding that at this point considering there are a ton of christians who would have to sit down hard and think that one over too... i know if you take your needs to jesus and believe he's sufficient to be a sacrifice for your dins and a way to the heart of god than you'll be fine ... forgiving someone is part of helping you understand your own sins we've all sinned and we're all damned not because of how bad or not so bad our sins are but because of the immensity of gods holiness .. because of the unbelievable purity and radiance of his glory ... ever hear about heaven .. ever wonder why they are singing gods praises constantly ... It's cuz he's so /so /so magnificent lookj to jesus for this answer he will fix this and everything else in your life /.. peace

Answer 12

Hi There -



First of all, forgiveness is not something that is or can be given lightly. When you've been really, profoundly injured by someone (as you've evidently been) it takes some time to go through the stages of grief, suffering, and healing that you need to go through. If forgiveness is forced, or given too quckly and easily, it not only means little, it can actually injure the person offering it, because it forces them to do something they are not ready to do.



It's only after you've healed somewhat, that you can consider forgiving.



Also, you need to understand that forgiveness is not (just) "for" the person who receives it; it's almost more for the person who "gives" it.

When it is sincerely and meaningfully offered, it allows the person who was wronged to finally release the experience, and its "claim" upon them. They can start anew.



Forgiveness does not mean that the injury was meaningless or irrelevant; it does NOT mean that you forget all about it and the suffering it caused you -- in fact, just the opposite. It says that you refuse to allow that experience to claim any more time, energy, or pain from you. You release it -- but you don't forget or ignore it. Rather, you recognize that you have changed because of it -- learned some important lessons, perhaps....



But you will allow it to claim no more of or from you. YOu forgive to set yourself free from it.



If the person who wronged you has sincerely repented, so much the better - perhaps you can also begin to forge a new, better relationship with them. If they have NOT repented, however, you do not need to take them back into your confidence, or put yourself in a position where they could again harm you.

You have every right to protect yourself from harm, and that can certainly be done even while you're forgiving someone.



In the long run, to forgive someone means to set yourself and them free from the negative effects of the incident or situation. If they have not truly repented, it's also to have faith that somewhere down the lijne, they will have to answer for what they did -- not answer to you, but answer to themselves and whatever ethical or moral authority there is in the Universe -- call that "God" or whatever. You just release yourself from being the one to whom they answer, and set yourself free from that responsibility.



It can be a very freeing thing to forgive someone -- when you are ready to do so, and have progressed enough along the way of healing, to be ABLE to do it.



That is what i certainly hope and pray, for you --



Blessings --

~GAia

Answer 13

Let me ask you this.. Have you had some Romans nail you to a cross after beating you 3 different times with a whip that has three strands with a piece of metal on the end that rips your flesh open every time they hit you? Beating you so bad that you are unrecognizable..? Then, after nailing to the cross lift it up and drop it into a hole so that the nails tear your flesh. Then you had to hang their and die a slow death caused by no longer being able to lift yourself up on the nails so you could take breath?



Before dying could you say; "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do"?



This is what Jesus did so we could forgive others. Your healing will take some time, but your anger and unforgiving heart will only extend that time and continue to torment you.. Think about it! Jesus is there for the hurting!



Here's Three Women that were in your situation:

http://www.lastdaysministries.org/articles/rapednpregnant.html



Restoration Through Forgiveness

http://www.lastdaysministries.org/articles/restoration.html



There are many articles here for your consideration.

http://www.lastdaysministries.org/articles/articleindex.html

Answer 14

Sara while I understand where many of the people here on these answers are coming from, NON of them can truly know what and how this crime affects somebodys soul and life unless it's happened to them or they have seen it happen! Very rare a rapist is repentent of his actions for them it's about power or what they think is power, if they are repentant it's usaully a tempoery thing to get a lesser sentance, as with God if a someones asks for forgiveness then they have to trully sorry from the heart of what they did or have done, they can't just say forgive me I'm sorry, doesn't work like that God knows all our hearts and if we are really sorry and looking for forgiveness, that would amount to a very small percentage of perptrators receiving forgiveness if any as we know, these people 'had to use that term' are sick in the head and it's about a sick twisted version of power and control. he's got 7years that's good I've known some to get probation or 6 months, and yes there should be higher sentancing but thats another matter.



Prison will be no playground for him and alot of what he perpertrated outside happens in Prisons!!! I'll say no more on that! More importantly have you received counselling? have you been getting any support? I don't wish to sound patronising but as someone once said 'don't be a victim be a surviver' don't let him win and take over the rest of your life!



I'm sorry sara this happened to you or anyone,I'm sorry if any of what I've said upset or patronised you, but you put this on here so I gave my thoughts, I really hope you find peace!!

Answer 15

Forgiving somebody isn't something that helps them. Just the same, not forgiving them doesn't help them either. Forgiveness is a healing process internally. It may be too soon but life is more than surviving. It's helping others. Before you can help to somebody else through what you went through you have to be on the other side. Be strong. God loves you and I love you in Christ.

Answer 16

Sorry, but there are some people that I will never forgive. I know, I know. We are taught, per the Bible, to turn the other cheek. Ok..... What if that other cheek got slapped by the same person? Am I supposed to let them keep bashing the crap out of me, tearing me down to nothing? I know it's a sin to not forgive, but I am human, therefore, I am a sinner. God is my Father and He loves me unconditionally because I believe in Him and accept Jesus. His unconditional love is NOT based upon whether or not I forgive someone else.

Answer 17

I am sorry for what happened to you. Forgiveness is the first step in releasing your anger. To forgive this animal will free you to move past this single moment in your life. I know you have more to do with your life than to waste it being angry at this animal. If you stay angry, he wins. He has completely taken over your life and has accomplished exactly what he intended to do--have you think of him everyday of your life.

I am not saying that you should forgive him now. Forgiveness takes time--years, sometimes. And when you are ready, you will know. It will be a liberating thing for you. To simply forgive this man for what he has done places the burden of carrying this burden squarely on his shoulders.

I hope that when the time is right you will find the strength to take this step.

Peace.

Answer 18

So sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience.



Yes, you are required to forgive...it's Biblical.



Forgiveness is a conscious decision you make. It's the anger that takes time to get rid of and must be prayed for on a daily basis. Pray also that this man will see the wrong he has done to you.



Please don't forget that there were probably demon influences on this man. IMO, demons are at work when someone does something as horrible as what you've described.



If you believe in hell, then it is the equivalent of a judge sentencing a person. Jesus, in this case, would have the authority to do that, but not you...just as an earthly judge had the authority to sentence him for the crime he committed against you.



This may anger you, but I don't believe in hell. IMO, Christ will forgive him. I don't mean to be callous in saying this, it's just what I believe.



EDIT:

I'm not sure why you are saying "this isn't helping", but I assume you asked the question to get an honest answer, right? You aren't looking for someone to tell you you should just hold on to unforgiveness and it's OK, are you? I hope not. When you believe you are justified in holding on to this, it only gives that person more power over your life and your emotions. It will cripple you even longer if you justify it and let it effect your life for even longer than need be.

Answer 19

No, you don't have to. It is not acceptable nor forgivable.

Unfortunately the Law doesn't always see it your/our way.

Religion and Law doesn't mix in our society.

It is the judge and jury that decides the punishment.

You have to see this through the eyes of the law, the system is not always fair and correct.



I just hope you have better days ahead and get gratification from your own life. Your achievements, prosperity and well being will help you get through this nightmare.

Nothing will ever erase what happened to you, though you can find comfort and strength in your own life.



Put that scenario behind you in the past where it belongs. Yes, easier said than done, although you have to try and move forward for your own sanity.



I am sure he will get what he deserves without you even trying.

I wish you well.

Answer 20

something that got here about over 25 years in the past exceptionally much ruined my existence. each time i theory approximately it, the hatred back. even although the guy accountable by no ability asked for my forgiveness, i ultimately did. somebody else in touch did ask and via that element I had permit flow of the animosity. There are some issues which take place in existence which could by no ability be forgiven or forgotten. i'm happy I chosen to no longer permit it destroy what years I certainly have left.

Answer 21

First of all I'm so sorry-there is no way that I can know or understand what you've been through. So anything I say is just an opinion. Jesus is NOT OK with what this person did to you, everything that hurts you hurts Him. And forgiveness is for you. It allows you to move on. Until you let go of that, his sin will just keep hurting you again and again. It won't be easy. It's part of the healing process. May God be with you and grant you His peace.

Answer 22

At the end of the day, forgiveness isn't about HIM, it's about you. While you hang on to the pain, you give this accident of genetics further power over you by robbing yourself of the here and now and the chance for a happier future.



When you forgive, you allow yourself to move on from the moment and give yourself a chance to make more of yourself than you currently are. To hold onto the pain for too long makes it a part of you that will keep on hurting you.



If you want justice for yourself, show this bastard that he cannot control you with fear.

Answer 23

Yes if he is Christian and requested jesus to forgive his sins . Yes jesus will. Finding forgiveness for him and yourself is the core value and belief system of Christianity.

But all this question is revealing is your in ability to find faith and your loss of faith. Shall I suggest wiccanism ( I Kid) being a violent rape victim myself. I find your faith in god (or my case the goddess) and in humanity is tested. It is a cold reality you have to face that humanity is general is disgusting. And carrying the burdens of the hurt you have received and will eventually go through at the hand of humanity is a trying endeavor. Instead you should figure out how to come to grips with this forgive for your sake and move on with you life cause if you continue to bear this cross and let it consume you. This man has taken more then one thing from you.

Answer 24

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I believe it has been said before, however, that forgiving someone has more to do with your future, not the other person's. He was guilty of a horrible crime and absolutely deserved to be punished.



For your benefit, so that you don't grow more and more bitter, is to forgive that person. You may not forget the crime, but you deserve to heal from it. Bandages help heal the wounds; counseling helps heal the soul; and forgiveness helps heal the spirit.



Blessings to you. You are very courageous.

Answer 25

Yours is a good question.

Jesus said to do many things, but let's put them in perspective.

Think of the good Samaritan. Is Jesus asking us to take time out for each and every person who lies on the side of the road? No, we're called to help others WHEN WE CAN. It is impossible to help all the time. Otherwise, all your energy and time will be spent and you will have nothing left for anything else.

Jesus asked his followers to give up everything to follow him. Was that literal or metaphor? If it was literal, we would have nothing to clothe and feed out families. If we got sick, we could not afford health-care. I seriously doubt that Jesus meant us to live like that. You give up what you can but spare enough so that you can build things up again to give more later.

Jesus said to forgive. Forgiveness comes from the heart. Saying it with words but not meaning it is simply a lie. Forcing yourself to forgive only causes resentment (we all have learned that as kids when adults told us to do it to other kids.) Forcing it is also a lie to ourselves because true forgiveness comes with peace and when it's done falsely, confusion comes when the peace does not.

Jesus asks us to do things when it's possible and sometimes it's not possible to forgive. Sometimes, it's best to just plan on forgiving after the hurt has had time to heal, though just because you plan on it, that does not mean that time will ever come.

Be true to God and true to yourself.

We give to those when we can. We can't do it all the time.

We can't give up everything. We give when we can.

We can't immediately forgive all the time. We do it when we can do it with honesty.



Also, don't spend too much time wishing hell on the person who hurt you. This creates bitterness and hostility where things are supposed to heal. He'll get his in his own time. You focus on yourself moving forward.

Jesus said, "Peace be with you." We all know that peace is impossible to come by all the time, but this is something we work on too. I do hope you find yours.

Answer 26

You don't have to like this "monster" for what he did to you, but we are told to forgive others as we expect to be forgiven. He is a monster - and I have no pity on him for what he did to you.



One thing to consider - though what you went through was terrible and nothing I would want for ANY woman to go through. I can't imagine how I would feel if my daughter were raped, but I do know that my wife was raped when she was younger by one of her babysitters. The thing to consider is that Hell is permanent and eternal - your suffering is, quite obviously, not over yet - but today is not as bad as the day you were raped. Time will help to heal your wounds - physically and mentally.



Do you HAVE to forgive this person? No, I don't suppose you "have" to - but it appears that holding in this hatred is harmful to your soul. It is eating you up and breeding more hatred in you. It would be better for your mental health to let it go. Again, I don't say you have to like this person,



God is just, and God will make sure justice is served by this monster - either in this life or the next.



You may not be ready to just yet - but there will come a time when you can and must move on. If you don't move on, then you're also allowing this monster to continue to haunt you. Don't give him that power and authority in your life.

Answer 27

Jesus is in no way happy with this guy who has done this horrible act to you. But as bad as that act is, He even paid the debt for that sin. Without the intervention of God in that man's life, that guy won't be in heaven because it looks safe to say he does not accept that gift of salvation.



But why should you forgive? I'm not going to say that what that guy did was not horrible. It was horrible. It'd be hard for me not to give him ten rounds of buckshot full of forgiveness for what He has done. I'm not saying to forgive him and go hang out with him again, but remember that God has forgiven you for the things that you've done wrong. I think you have to look at the story of the bad servant. The servant owed the master MANY debts, and when the servant was about to be thrown in jail, he begged the master to forgive him. When the master forgave him and set him free, the first thing that servant did was found someone who owed him money, and demanded that the debt be paid. When that person couldn't pay the debt, he was thrown in jail. When the master heard about this, he threw that servant in jail too...



The moral being.... God has forgiven you of every single thing you've done wrong. I'm not going to blow sunshine up your behind and say it's easy to forgive, what that person has done is horrible... but for your sake forgive the guy. Unforgiveness creates separation between you and God that cannot be overcome until you turn loose of it. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, but the most "right" thing you can do is forgive.

Answer 28

You don't have to but it's better for you if you do. You know what? It's also worse for the person who hurt you, I know you think that's silly at first but just hear me out would you?



The thing about people who hurt others on purpose is that all they know how to do is be violent, all they understand is violence and hatred and bitterness. Misery also loves company, and part of how these people continue to hurt others is by making them miserable too. They drag you down into their hatred and violence and bitterness and that comforts them, makes them feel like you are just as bad and hateful as they are. The best defence against this is forgiveness, why give those that hurt you the satisfaction of turning your life into something as miserable as theirs?



I'm not saying you shouldn't be angry.. you have every right to be, but I am saying that if you let that anger and hatred into your life and hold on to it, it will only hurt you in the long run.



The man who hurt you is scum no doubt about it, but you are BETTER than him.. He wouldn't forgive anything I am sure he is incapable of anything but his own small hate filled, diseased thoughts. That's where you are better, you can think of forgiving, you can rise above the hatred and violence he injected into you, you can be free of the pain he is still causing you and you can hurt him more by forgiving.



He probably doesn't think he even needs forgiveness, he probably doesn't think what he did was wrong... but if you forgive him he will know in his heart that what he did was wrong and the guilt will eat him alive.



People like that feed off of the hate they breed in others, break the cycle set yourself free not for his sake but for yours.

Answer 29

Some things are harder for us to forgive than others and when you reach the point of forgiveness, you don't even have to tell them. Espescially if they're not sorry for what they did, they probably wouldn't care in that case, and could cause you further mental harm by their response.

Answer 30

"Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."

(Romans 12:19)



I would also point out that you are to forgive them ONLY if they make to you a sincere confession. That being said, that's a tough thing to forgive. I know that anyone would be hard-pressed to even consider forgiveness under those circumstances. I doubt seriously that I would feel any different from you. May God give you comfort and strength in these trying circumstances!

Answer 31

Forgiving is not meant to benefit the forgiven but the forgiver. Your tormentor will face the consequence of their action (whether you stay angry or let go) because God is just. However, by keeping the anger alive you will continue to suffer the torment. Let go of the anger (forgive) and you will be able to move on. Forgiveness benefits only you and heaps coals of fire on the perpetrators head. You give him power by remaining his victim and deny yourself the right to be happy. There is nothing worse than seeing a person one has wronged succeed. Do not allow him to break your spirit.

Answer 32

Please remember that forgiving someone is also for your own healing and benefit. If you continue to hold onto anger, grief and anguish it will eat you up inside.



Some things are harder for us to forgive than others and when you reach the point of forgiveness, you don't even have to tell them. Espescially if they're not sorry for what they did, they probably wouldn't care in that case, and could cause you further mental harm by their response.



But remember that Jesus died for ALL sin, and he forgives the vilist sinner when they are truly repentant.



It will take time to heal your wounds. They are still fresh in your mind. Seek the Lord and ask him to help you heal from this. Forgiveness is part of the healing and it will come easier in time. God bless you.

Answer 33

If you continue to be angry then the man continues to have power in your life. Whilst I understand your pain and hurt personally I think seven years is a reasonable sentence for rape. The purpose of forgiving is for your benefit not his. It would mean that you could stop directing so much energy towards this dead end! He only changed your life to the degree you are wiling to allow him to. And before you get angry, I was violently raped by a man who tried to strangle me. I have not allowed it to have an impact on my life. It was just an event and it wasn't personal to me.

Answer 34

Yes I believe so. Though before you do cool yourself off first and try and see it from there side. Some things will take awhile to forgive while others might not take that long. If you have to read How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. God bless you always

Answer 35

Being in your shoes, I understand what you are going through, only my attacker didn't serve any time. I'll never forget what he did to me, and I don't think I'll ever have "peace" about it. But for my own sake, I gave up the bitterness of spirit about it and committed to forgive him. That doesn't mean I'll ever put myself within 10 miles of him willingly, but I made a decision with my mind to forgive him. My feelings have not all followed, but the bitterness is gone now and I've been able to get on with my life. I've married a wonderful Christian and we have a good life together. My relationship with God is good. It took time, counseling and a commitment to forgive--a mind decision not a feelings decision. I would still be in bitterness and wrapped up in myself, miserable if I had waited for my feelings to change before I made the mind commitment to God outloud, crying my eyes out committing myself to forgive that man, no matter what it took. God honored that statement of commitment and my mind's determination to forgive and blessed my life in time. I can't tell you what to do. You can't do anything until you are ready to do it. May God bless you. I have prayed for you.

Answer 36

This is a very hard question and i dont think one can answer lightly. This is an event in your life that you will never ever forget. It was a horrible thing that happen to you and i am so sorry.

Forgiveness comes with healing and you may never forgive this creature for doing such a thing to you, but you can draw from it and take what you learn in your healing process in helping someone else later on. You have a long road a head of you, the healing process is not something that happens over night. But i do know this......if you dont rid your body of the anger it will show years down the line in a form of health problem and then he has robbed a part of you again.

Please please seek councilling. I have been through some things in life not as bad as yours, but still not nice and i found a brilliant spiritual councellor and she changed my life in a positive way. I am not knocking run of the mill muggle councellors, but i think sometimes you need someone who thinks on a different level.

Good luck with your journey my friend, i am sending you strength and courage to walk the path to wholeness again

Answer 37

Your life is too precious to waste like that. You don't have the luxury of not forgiving because it's _not_ really a luxury - it's a prison sentence.



Hatred is like burning down your own house to kill a rat. - Unknown



Refusing to forgive is like drinking pois

Answer 38

I often feel the same way.



But I try to think that if Jesus wanted me to forgive somebody, it would be for MY OWN good, regardless of whether that other person rots in hell or lives in luxury. It would allow me to move on with my life without the destructive nature of anger or revenge.



It is an extremely challenging thing to do, but trust me, even a little gain is so worth it! It takes a lot of courage to forgive somebody, but I do believe it is worth it, and I believe that with all my heart.



It may not happen today or tomorrow, but I beg you to at least try from time to time to end your hatred of this individual. I think you'll find that 90 percent of it is convincing yourself that it's what you WANT to do. And you're on here, so I assume that at some level, you want to.



Just know that you're not alone in harboring great anger at a great wrong done against you. Also, if you take up the noble endeavor of forgiveness, know that you're not alone in that struggle, but have the company of the finest people on this earth, who consider you a blood sister, even if you never meet them in your life.



Much love and respect,



- LC

Answer 39

ered how I could handle this if it has to do with my kids but look at what Jesus went through. Plus it would be a demon in the soul of the one who hurt you if they can ever find away to release this demon and come back to God. This life is mearly a small blink of time, on the other side we will not feel this pain or deal with all this suffering. We do not know Gods big plan and there for just try and let Gods will be done and try to avoid situations.

Answer 40

Forgiveness is one step in a long process of healing. Though I have never been raped I was sexually abused as a child. I remember the feelings of shame,anger,and depression. I felt dirty and I was disgusted with myself and with my abuser. For years I never shared what happened to me with anyone. As a teenager who struggled with suicidal thoughts and severe depression I broke down and told someone,that was the first step I took toward healing. Even after I shared my story I was distrustful and angry towards men. In July 04 I found Jesus and He has healed me of my pain, I can speak more openly about my experience and I no longer hate my abuser nor do I wish for them to burn in hell. God has given me happiness and he has blessed me with a wonderful husband.

I'm not trying to trivialize the horrible experience you went through.My heart goes out to you, and I wanted to share with you how much better my life is bc God helped me to let go of my anger and forgive my abuser. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 41

You speak as though you're set aside from every man woman and child who has ever lived. Christ simply meant If you want to be forgiven for the wrongs you have done to others, then you too have to show unmerited grace and forgive others who hurt you. Sorry for your let down in mankind, but God never promised us a bed of roses in this lifetime. Seek peace, comfort and endure. God bless.

Answer 42

everyone is a sinner and no sin is greater than the other. Jesus died on the cross for all of us and when we ask for forgiveness, God forgives us. how do you expect to be forgiven if you do not forgive others. I'm sorry you got raped i understand how you feel, believe me. the best way is to forgive and to move on. pray for the person who raped you, i know its hard but you must. trust in the Lord, He love you and has not forsaken you. what do you gain from condemning others? God is the ONE AND ONLY judge.

Answer 43

if you don't forgive then that person keeps his power over you,

don't let him have that kind of power.

and Jesus did die for the sins of all.

the question is does this person accept Jesus gift?

if he doesn't then he is not forgiven by Christ.

it is not up to us to judge,leave that to God.

you can not always forgive under your own power,so ask God to help you forgive.

you will be the victor in the end if you do.

Answer 44

You know...



WE ARE ONLY HUMAN...



And God knows this. While HE has the perfect love that He can forgive AND FORGET, He knows we are not perfect.



Recall when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, before His being betrayed... He asked the disciples to STAY AWAKE and pray, too. He went off aways to pray alone. He returned to find them... SLEEPING. He wasn't mad or angry, but understanding, and said, "Though the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak." They woke up... and again, He went off to pray alone. Returning again, guess what? Yep.. they were sleeping AGAIN! Disappointed, maybe, but never stopped loving them!!!



There are times when ALL of us are at a point where we are unable to forgive someone (as we have been forgiven). Then, the best thing to do is to say this prayer...



"Lord, I know that YOU can forgive this person, but as yet, I am unable to. So, please, forgive them, and forgive ME my weakness, and lead me to a time when I will also be able to forgive them."



I hope this helps... it has helped me in the past, too. It is always a good idea to remember that we ARE NOT God, and we ARE ONLY human. Forgive yourself, as God forgives you, too!





Have a blessed day.

Answer 45

Hold it! Calm down! To your answer yes you are to forgive him. Here is why. 1st in order to receive forgiveness from God you must also forgive. 2nd if you don't forgive him you'll never move on with you life. LIving your life bitter only cause malace in your heart, that makes you a monster and no better than the person who committed the act. When Jesus was dying for us, all the whips, the carrying of his cross, the beatting, the rocks, and sticks they threw, the vingar they gave him to drink. He said to His Father. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do?" Believe that the devil gets in people and make them do evil things like rape. You pray for that man that he will be delivered and pray that he won't hurt anyone else. I know you are upset and you might want to harm him but I'm hear to tell you that God can kick a-ss like no one else in the world can. When God get's you, you are got.

Answer 46

The forgiveness you give will not affect the other person in any way hon, it affects you. You forgive him because if you hold onto the anger and resentment, if you hang on to all that pain, you are the one who suffers, not him.



Forgiveness means you will be letting go of all that and will be free. If you don't, you will spend your life in misery and this horrible act that he has done to you will ruin your life.



It really has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you :)

Answer 47

first of all i am so sorry to hear you were raped, it is terrible. you are damn right to be feeling like you do. someone who does something so bad does not deserve forgiveness, by forgiving that evil man it is him you are freeing not you.

i do not believe in god , jesus anything so maybe you do not want to hear my opinion - but telling someone to forgive one another when something like this happens is a load of ****. there is no justice in it , there is no sense.

this is why we have a legal system and prisons- something realistic - people like him do not deserve forgiveness they deserve severe punishment and unfort he did not get enough.

your forgiveness is too much for him, he has taken enough from you and may he rot in hell.

Answer 48

I understand your anger believe me I too tried to justify an act of unforgiveness, this man Murdered my daughter and the Forensic Pathologist said it took her three-four hours to die and she knew she was dying but, she was unable to move.



The bitterness will eat you alive, you can only deal with this through prayer. Jesus said, 'If we do not forgive the trespasses against us, then He can't forgive us.



And most likely He will end up in Hell, if they don't kill him in prison.



Talk to God about it and ask Him to help you with this and He will.



"Satan is going to have a filled day with all child predators, I belive that Hell will be hotter for them!"



May God Bless.

Answer 49

YEz!! Of course. If God can forgive us for the sins we do or can forgive a man who killed another individual. What makes u or me so much better den God to where we cannot forgive our neighbor? Forgive that person and move on. Let God handle their punisment. U kant du no punishment that God can do

Answer 50

You can find Justice in the fact that anyone that does anything to hurt a child of Gods, will one day be very sorrowful for that. God said that "revenge is mine". There is nothing that any man could do to another man to try to get even, or hurt them for hurting us, that would be in comparison to the wrath that Our Almighty God will pour out on them.

And yes, we have to leave it in the Lords Hands, He will take care of them. Ask God to put that forgiveness in your Heart. We don't have to ever face that person again, but in our own heart we have to forgive them, just as God forgives us. God looks at our Hearts, He knows our hurt, and our sadness, If you could only find the strength to let it go, and know that God is taking care of it. Thats what I had to do, I can think about them and even picture them in my own mind, and just shake my head at how pitiful and lost they are. But I do get great satisfaction in knowing I don't have to ever worry about them again, God will and is taking care of them for me.

Answer 51

Hire a good litigation lawyer, sue the bastard's @ss in civil court, and take whatever earnings and assets he's got. If you can financially cripple him, once he gets out of jail he'll be too busy just trying to survive to be able to snare any more women into abusive relationships. Don't listen to the crap those Christians spew out - they only care about their abstract dogma, and only see what that man did as an offense against God rather than an offense against you. You don't have to forgive him, but it's unhealthy to allow him to continue taking up so much real estate in your mind. You can also take comfort in the fact that sex offenders are considered the lowest form of scum even by the other inmates, so he won't have an easy time in prison.

Answer 52

Striped of dignity, Jesus died on the cross naked.

His soul was hurt because it was the very people he came to redeem that were putting him to death.



Saul of Tarsus was on his way to Damascus when Jesus appeared to him. He was the monster that had been in charge of Killing and imprisoning Christians including Steven, who was the first to be martyred for Jesus.

Jesus forgave him and he went on to be one of the greatest apostles.





Do you have to forgive? No. But it will be healing for you and maybe your monster will be saved.

Do you have to forget or give the monster another chance? No.

Answer 53

Because unless you learn to let go of your anger and hatred, however justified it may be, it will gnaw away at you for the rest of your life. The spiritual and emotional wound you have suffered cannot heal until you forgive he who has hurt you.



You forgiving him has nothing to do with justice. Justice can and will be fulfilled whether you forgive him or not. He will reap what he has sown either way. Forgiveness is for your good, not his.

Answer 54

Chist himself said only God can forgive sin. This man with give an account of his life before God. Did this man ask you to forgive him? If not then why forgive it. Leave it in Gods hands. He says I will repay. And he also says Vengence is mine

Answer 55

Sara, God wants you to forgive for this person for YOUR sake, not for his. If you hang onto your hate, your anger, your hurt then you end up hurting yourself and giving this person power over you, even though he is no longer right there to hurt you. Anger and bitterness can actually leave you more susceptible to illness and even cancer. Forgiveness is incredibly hard in a situation like that, but for your own sake I hope you can find a way to it. If you still trust in the goodness of God and Jesus then I recommend you pray. Pray your anger and hurt and fears to God, He knows them anyway, but it will help to release some of their hold on you. And then, pray for this person to receive the full weight of God's attention on him. Pray for the Holy Spirit to convict him, not just of the atrocity he committed to you, but of the atrocities he has undoubtedly committed to others. It won't happen overnight, but I am confident that if you do this regularly, you will come to a peace about this situation and be able to turn this person over to God's justice eventually. I think that a survivor's group might help too, if one is available to you.



I am sorry that you have experienced this violation. I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 56

forgive- yes.

trust- no

God says let him be the judge- he kind created that person and knows the situation from all angles.

he also says don't hate the person- hate the sin.

The justice you can give is NOTHING! when you hold a grudge it only adds weight to your heart- i guarantee the person that did do wrong will move on. you will only hurt yourself by holding on to the grudge.

But forgive them and give this event to God and God can do all sorts of things to get justice..........use your imagination.



It's God's person that hurt you- let God deal with it- would you give a hiding to other persons child?- Or smack your brother for calling you a name, when all you had to do was tell your dad?

Answer 57

Yes you do. And when you do it will feel like a ton of bricks lifted off you. I hated my uncle for years and years for raping me (12 to 15). I wanted him to hurt as bad as he'd hurt me. I carried that for years and years and one day he answered the phone at my Granny's and bam it hit me... he was a pitiful drunk an old pitiful drunk!!! I forgave him that day and I've never let it bother me again. You can't expect Jesus to forgive you if you haven't forgiven others!

Answer 58

you are to always forgive. this doesn't mean that the person that offended you is forgiven by god because that individual person may nt have repented or seeked gods forgiveness.



however if you want god to forgive you for your offenses how can you expect him to if you are not willing to forgive others, there are many parables on this topic. you are more fully in gods mercy when you express mercy the same way that you are more in gods love when you love like god etc...........

Answer 59

PLEASE READ!!!!!!!!



Sara, though I cannot understand your emotional pain and anger exactly the best admonition is for you to forgive. And though this next one is hard, you are to forgive and FORGET. What about if you did something horrible. You'd want God to forgive you, right? As much as you would want God to forgive you, you forgive. We are sinful and always need God's forgiveness. And Christ forgives us. Look, the weak can never forgive, forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. You be strong starting today, you lead a new life. When Christ was on the cross, bleeding and STRIPPED NAKED, he STILL said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." I know pictures often show Jesus with a clothing wrapped around his genitals but it was not so. He was naked in front of his mother, disciples, and literal brothers. Look I am very sorry. But you are not the only one. Definitely. Imagine slaves. Back in the 1800s, taken from their homes and raped, set up in front of men naked, impregnated, beaten. Sara, God told Peter to keep on forgiving 70 times 7 times. that does not mean to only forgive 490 times. Those numbers are just a symbol that we are to keep on forgiving. God cleanses are sins though they be like scarlet. He forgives all manner of sins and does not hold on to them. He does not indulge on our sins and remembers what we do. See Heb.8:12. "our iniquities will he remember no more." Sara, please forgive, thats the only way to set your soul free. God richly bless you.

Answer 60

I had a hard time forgiving someone also. I knew I was supposed to. God forgave me of ALL my sin. Jesus said if you hate someone and that's committing murder in your heart . So I murdered this person over and over again.

So I asked God to help me forgive someone -told him I couldn't do it. So he sent me someone "out of the blue" that talked to me about forgiveness. This person suggested a book by Corrie TenBoom who was in WW2 and hid jews, was sent to concentration camps, then later spoke to people all over the world about forgiveness.



She met a man who had watched her get undress, watched her take a shower, he violated her. She later met him at one of her talks and she said to God, "I can't forgive him, I'm a fake" She asked God to do it for her and she said she felt like lightening go through her as she shook this man's hand she hated. Then her hate was gone.



Ask God to forgive him for YOU. To take the anger, the bitterness the hurt. He is big and can do it.



God bless you dear

†

Answer 61

No one has to do anything. We have freewill. Therefore, to forgive or not to forgive, it's subject to our will. But we should not expect to see someone in Hell if we don't forgive him or her because there is no such a thing as Hell as a place of torment to go to. Whoever offends another and does not seek

forgiveness, will somehow pay the consequences for his or her wrongdoings.

Answer 62

Forgiveness means to let God get the revenge. "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord; I will repay". Here God promises to repay and get vengeance. He can do that so much better than you can. Let him. You have to trust Him; you may not ever know all the ways God will take vengeance, but He promised He would.

As for your part, lay down bitterness . Ask God to restore your dignity and your soul. He can and He wants to.

Answer 63

Forgiveness is a step in your healing and has nothing to do with the other person. Its a step that takes a lot of time, maybe never, but it's the part that brings you closure and empowers you to take your life back. So it's up to you. Right now forgiveness seems impossible, and that's ok. You can't force it, it's a process. Don't be hard on yourself if all you feel is anger and hate, your wound is still raw and you haven't been able to start healing yet.

Answer 64

Forgiveness isn't necessarily to benefit the one being forgiven, but the one who does the forgiving. It eases your conscience and creates a sense of peace within you, knowing that you are the bigger person ins doing such a wise and kind deed.

Answer 65

God did not say that you have to forgive someone immediately.



It took me 10 years to forgive someone who hurt me emotionally.



When you forgive, you lift the burden off you. It is the emotionally effect on you, not on the wrong doer.



God did not say that when you forgive someone, punishment will be waivered off.



When you make the decision to forgive, you actually made the decision to put the incident behind you so that you can move forward in life.



At this juncture, take time off to grieve and heal yourself. In all circumstances, love yourself. It is absolutely not your fault.

Answer 66

Forgiveness is a choice not an obligation and it is the responsibility of the person that wronged you to ask you for it and then you have the choice of either granting it or telling them to stick it where the sun don't shine.

Answer 67

First of all, its okay to be angry. You are not expected to walk away from a horrible experience and be able to forgive. Forgiveness is a process, but it is something you should work towards.



I have been so severely hurt and betrayed that I thought I could never forgive...and I didn't want to forgive. I didn't want to "let him off the hook" so to speak. But each and every day I dealt with the pain and hurt and I began to realize that the forgiveness was for me. If I did not forgive, then I was giving this other person the power to hurt me over and over forever. I was allowing his actions to change me, and make me a bitter and angry person. I began to see God's mercy, in letting go of my hate, my hurt, my anger...I was healed.



Forgiveness is for you. So that you do not become a person you do not want to be. All people are sinners, and all people are created in the image of God. It is sin that hurt you. Jesus died for the sake of sinners.



Do not expect to forgive him overnight. It took me 6 years to get to the place I am now. I found that even as I began to forgive, I came to a place I could not pass. I hit a wall, so to speak. In praying about it, I began to understand that only God can forgive completely, we are not capable as human beings of divine forgiveness. I began to offer that up to God. I asked him to forgive the person who hurt me, through me. I asked for his divine forgiveness.



I can honestly say that after years of turning to God, after praying for the person who hurt me, even when I didn't feel like it, after allowing the grace of forgiveness to change me, I am at peace. It is still with me in the sense that it is part of my past, but it no longer has the hold on me. I trust God to mete out justice and pray for the soul of the one who hurt me.



Do not concern yourself with loving your attacker, or even forgiving him right now. Begin by offering up your suffering to Christ. He understands all pain and your suffering can be joined to his for good. Your soul can be healed and that is what you need to pray for. The forgiveness will come in time.



I am very sorry for your pain and your hurt. It is unfair, there is not doubt. But you can choose if you allow it ruin your life and change who you are.

Answer 68

One commits many sins throughout there lives. We all do. But God will forgive us all if we turn to him and ask for forgiveness with our full hearts. He is GOD and he knows when we are really asking for forgiveness. This person that this to you, god will not forgive him, if he is not truly sorry for what he has done. God will know he may say sorry but he knows. Jesus suffered very much even to his death, but he loved us very much, that is the main reason why he came to earth, to help us, because he loves us. He was even willing to forgive those that killed him, if they were truly sorry, and changed in conformity with GOD. So we should do the same. It may be hard and it will be. But ask your self this, DO YOU THINK THAT GOD WILL FORGIVE YOU FROM ALL OF YOUR SINS, IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO FORGIVE THIS PERSON THAT DID THIS TO YOU?...........................Just think, he was willing to forgive those people that killed his son, why should we not forgive others. Think about it and it will be hard.............May GOD be with you to help you decide...

Answer 69

i was rejected from birth by my mother and also i was interfered with by a family member , all my family including grandfather g/mother it was a big family of many uncles and aunts and cousins have more or less ignored me , this has given me a terrific feeling of inferiority complex which i have fought it and am now over it ,now that i am a christian i have learned to for give so i have forgiven them , as God said forgive or you will not be forgiven,

Answer 70

forgiveness is not something you have to give to anyone especially in this case. if there is a god why would he let something like this happen to you. what did you do to deserve this punishment, this heinous crime that has been forcefully committed against you. if there is to be any forgiveness at all it is god that should be asking it of you. no human being deserves to be treated how you were treated.



stay strong, things will get better for you with patience and time.

Answer 71

I will by no means pretend that forgiving such a horrific act is or will be easy. I'm sorry that this happened to you. It was not right, and was by no means your fault. And I believe that God's heart cries out for you. I believe that it breaks His heart to know that His child is still suffering inside from this. He knows that you are suffering. He knows every little aspect of how this has destroyed your trust and ability to love people and yourself. He knows what we here on YA do not know. The things that only you and Him know. The most intimate places in your heart. Some things are easy to forgive. Some things are not. I have struggled with forgiveness myself towards people who have hurt me deeply leaving scars that run so deep and eat away everything good about me, leaving me just a shell of a person. But, when I understood how the enemy was using these pains and unforgiveness to steal my love, hope and happiness, it changed my perspective. God had shown me this pattern of abuse and horrible decisions that I was making because of these things. I realized that the enemy had me right where he wanted me. Stealing the life that God had intended for me. Stealing my joy, my trust, my peace, my dignity, my value...my everything. Making it impossible for me to love anyone in my life. I want what God has for me. And I want you to have what God has for you too. But, we can't have it if we can't receive it. Unforgiveness in our hearts stops us from being able to fully receive what God has for us. Make a decision, take your life back from the enemy. He has stolen enough from you. Let it go. Free yourself! Ask God to help you. He will. There is no forgiveness outside of Jesus Christ. He is our very present help in time of need. He understands your pain. And His arms are wide open! He loves you and he knows what is best for you. I will be praying for you. Peace!

Answer 72

If Jesus could forgive those who treated Him so terribly, are you greater than HE in that you refuse to forgive?

Wow! What an ego!

Answer 73

Sara, I think you are stuck with this: forgive does NOT mean you have to forget! You forgive for your own sake and well-being, not for the sake of the other person.



Jesus meant that you have to let it go so it doesn't eat at you, and ruin YOUR life. He meant that you can waste all your emotional energy being angry at something you can't change or undo, or you can put your energy into the future. Anger can make you stuck, and make you sick, and rob you of the good in your life. THAT is what Jesus doesn't want for you. He meant that you can become a prisoner to your anger over what someone did to you, and so a prisoner to them. Forgiving is just setting yourself free from it.



So to forgive is to say that 1 - you accept that the other person is not perfect, as you are not perfect, and 2 - you let go of your anger, not for them, but for you.



As for remembering, you have to remember what hurt you, so that you can be safe in the future. That is only common sense. But remembering and learning from it, as opposed to obsessing about it, are two different things.



So forgive and let go - for your sake. Free yourself from it, and move on. Years ago, I had to forgive someone who did to me what you describe. I realized that every day I was thinking about it, so much of ME was going into grieving what this person took from me. I realized that that was how they would WIN - they would continue taking from me, because I allowed it. So I said, enough. I let go of being angry, and stopped obsessing, and moved on. I left them with themselves, and with what they had done. I really do believe that we all have to answer in the end for what we do to other people, when we meet God. That person will have a lot of explaining to do.



And believe me, God isn't okay with anyone raping you. And God won't forgive that person without that person truly understanding what they did to you first, and truly "repenting" meaning feeling real pain and regret. That is in the scriptures. Also, I think that part of a mature faith is understanding that God will indeed deal justly with everything and everyone, and having the trust in him to let him take care of it all in the end.



So I would let God worry about it. . . and by the way I let my anger go, and started looking forward instead of backward, and started to live again. And because I did that - called "forgiving" - that person did not win. I did.



So, are you going to let him victimize you every day in your own mind and memory, or are you going to rise above it and go on, and therefore win the war over HIM?



BTW, I counseled rape victims for a dozen years, and being really pissed off is part of the normal grieving process - he STOLE from you! But after a while, you should be moving forward. Don't let other people tell you when you are ready to do that - only you will know.

Answer 74

There's a story in the gospel about a debtor.



A man had borrowed money from a king. At the appointed time, the king had the man called before the court and demanded repayment. The man did not have the king's money, so the king ordered that he be arrested, imprisoned and have all of his property confiscated to cover his debt. The man wept, and begged the king to just to give him a little more time. The king was moved and had mercy on the man. He had so much mercy that he not only allowed the man more time, but he actually forgave the man's debt altogether!



The man set off for his house and on the way came across a man who owed him money. He grabbed this man and demanded he repay his debt immediately. The man wept and begged for just a little more time to pay off the debt, but he was not moved. He ordered that this man be arrested and his property be confiscated.



When the king heard what had happened he had the man called up before the court. He asked him how he could do such a thing when he had been so mercifully forgiven. The king ordered that the man be imprisoned and have all of his property confiscated.

_________





We are required to forgive others because we are all sinners, begging forgiveness. Our sins against God are no less grievous than the sins people have committed against us. Sometimes we have a tendency to rationalize our sins and we forget that every sin we commit was taken on by Jesus Christ who was tortured by them on the cross.



We think: "Well, maybe today wasn't my best day, but at least I didn't hurt anyone." But Jesus took nails for us; he was beaten, tortured, humiliated and crucified because we chose to sin. He forgave us even though he was an innocent man suffering death for a crime that we committed.



I'm not telling you to shrug off a deeply felt hurt. It sounds like you're in terrible pain because of the wrong this man did to you. He may not deserve your forgiveness. But remember, you do not deserve forgiveness either. If you can forgive this man, if you can pray for his salvation, then you will have the kind of love that "covers a multitude of sins." If you can overcome your pain, you can become like Jesus, forgiving those who by no means deserve it. You can bring about salvation through your sacrifice. The blessings and the rewards in this are more than you can imagine.

Answer 75

It is in the covenant of the Lord Jesus, and in His word, if you do not forgive those who sin against you, then God will not forgive you.



Let go of the business with that ape. You aren't mighty enough to bring on a just revenge. Jesus Christ is. His forgiveness is for the sins of the whole world. The abuser will have to come to terms with Christ on his own. Let Him handle it, it isn't doing you any good and is blocking your own forgiveness.

Answer 76

Forgiveness isn't a choice it just happens, and when it happens you are able to move on and feel freedom

Answer 77

Trust jesus will take care of him. You don't have to worry about anything else. I think, and this is just my opinion, is that you should burden yourself with why this happened. Just let it go and let jesus take on the burden and pain. Don't worry about forgiving this "devil" of a person. Just move on. Don't give him the satisfaction of taking over one more second of your life.

Answer 78

Jesus's flesh was ripped from him, his beard torn out, hung, mocked, beaten within seconds of his life, all this described in Psalms of what he went thru..and then he is hanging on the cross, and with barely a breath left in him, says..Father forgive them, for they know not what they do..that is the most profound statement he made..he released them of the curse..but of their guilt they went to the grave with.

Such was Cain, his guilt of his dead brother was left to cry to him from the grave.

This rapist, will have his thoughts torment him for the rest of his days...God doesnt leave his children, he doest pay back evil for evil, even if we cant see it.

Get some more counseling for your own self worth.

Dont let a pig ruin your life.

Go above it

Answer 79

In all honesty I used to. I got sick of users taking advantage of this to use/abuse me again.



I now try & look at the motivation of the act & understand NOT forgive.



.

Answer 80

No you do not have to forgive someone. Here is why. Forgiveness is a choice. A state of mind; a free will choice to forget and leave what has happened in the past (usually bad things). So no you can freely choose not to forgive anyone. But here is a word of caution: We being sinful beings have been offered Salvation at an infinite cost, which was payed by the person requiring the cost. This person, Yahshua the Messiah from Nazareth (who is the ONLY G-d), said, "Remember, you will be judged just as you judge." and "If you forgive someones sins then they are forgiven in heaven" (Meaning that if someone has PERSONALLY WRONGED YOU AND ONLY YOU (also G-d since all sin is against him) and you have forgiven them (ONLY IF THAT PERSON HAS ASKED YOU FOR FORGIVENESS AND DOES NOT DO WHAT THEY DO ANY MORE.) then they are forgiven in heaven because you no longer have anything against them (Your forgiveness is recorded in heaven. you can't take it back if you genuinely meant it and then in the future turn around and reverse that decision)). Don't confuse this with going to people to confess your sins at a catholic church.



So no you don't have to forgive anyone, but your actions will dictate how you are treated by G-d on judgment day when EVERYONE is judged AT THE SAME TIME. (read revelation 17 - the rest of the book).



I hope this helped. (Basically it's the free will issue)



and by the way maam, you are NOT G-d. You do not make the rules no matter how mad you get. Get over it. If G-d says so do it or get out of his creation, simple as that. He gave you the free will get can take it away. If he can make you he can undo you. So I would watch how you feel. He makes the rules and you don't no matter if you think forgiveness is right now not. You would be a fool to oppose G-d. No one can stand against him. Shoot we are lucky he doesn't just wipe out all of everything he created and then start over.

Answer 81

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m507x95U7_E&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9K2ZrhO9mk&feature=related

And

If you are humble, please... Pray to know the truth from true God by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit with great faith and do what is right for you and sometimes, things can be right in your point of view but wrong in Public point of view so

Basically, just pray about it for the Good Answer and try to do the God's will first always

And

I have true testimony of true God

Please, just try to understand the fundamental...



If you think, why so much trouble and pain in this world…? Then there is only one reason, without pain, No pleasure and without pleasure, no pain. So without them, we cannot enjoy this life so always we need them in our development towards the perfection of God. So-so, you use pain and pleasure instead of pain and pleasure use you. And

It is Wonderful… wonderful nature for us by the true… God. And

we all make mistakes so it is hard to look for star in daylight. So just in faith… it is possible. Like that the faith in true God. And If you think, even expert can be wrong then you have to make the fine research in all most everything so It is hard and some time, it is impossible to achieve so Why we need inappropriate action to find the owner of higher power? SO,

So, just try to understand, because of Lack of faith in true God, we do not have the great gift of understanding of things so just

understand this please.

We cannot get anything from nothing so changing something into this perfect state, we need something or someone so all things are spiritually first, to govern everything by God. So, closely, Have a look at this world of wonders of yours and then you know the truth, when you listen to your real voice and then Having a strong desire to do the best every day then stick with the best to do your best. And most importantly, try to be grateful for what you have now and try to know where you come from to have the great gift of understanding and then, have the faith to become the best winner in your life. And this is the best meaning of happy life.

And

The Low of mercy cannot rob the Low of justice so God provided the way to our salvation to overcome our sin so Jesus Christ sacrifice is much needed to return to live with God, because God is perfect in perfection so Jesus Christ is our savior to pay our punishment of our sin so-so Because of the perfect love of god for you. So God gave Jesus Christ for us ~ FOR US ~

Well,



It is the time to make the great decision.

Good luck.

<<<>>>



If you are interested, I gladly encourage you to visit the web sides http://www.JesusChrist.lds.org, http://www.mormon.org for your spiritual support. Thanks for the opportunity.

Answer 82

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.





Why?





Because your own sins against God are of much greater magnitude then what this person has done against you, abominable as it is. Of this you are apparently not aware.







Consider,



Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.

And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.

Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:

Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.









In your own strength and resources you will not be able to forgive in this matter.







If God, Who is all wise and all good, has allowed this terrible thing to happen then it is for a reason and a purpose. God always, without exception, works for good and allows only that which can bring good.



You are stumbling at this awful treatment and not able to see beyond to something much greater.



If you learn that reason and purpose, then it will be to your immense glory and blessing.

Answer 83

>> where is the justice in me forgiving him for what he did

>> to me?



        Forgiving others is not about finding justice -- it is about finding the Love of Christ, within yourself, which allows you to do for others the very same thing that Christ did for you. You forgiving them does not grant them a place in Heaven -- but it does mean that your heart is suitable for God's Kingdom. You see, if you are unable to forgive others, then God will not forgive you either. Jesus explicitly states this.



Mat. 6:14 "If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you.

Mat. 6:15 But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done."



God bless.

Answer 84

Yes, we are required (as Christians) to forgive all men and here is why: Jesus took all our sins upon Himself if we repent of them, and He will pass judgment. Therefore, Jesus is also carrying the sin of the person who hurt you, so if you are unable to forgive the one who sinned, and if Christ is taking responsibility for it, then you are not letting Christ do His work and not trusting Him to handle it. He said we MUST forgive others so He can forgive us. Being unforgiving causes a rift between the unforgiver and Christ.



If the person doesn't repent, Christ will judge him for the sin and it won't be forgiven, but it is between Christ and the sinner now. It's out of your hands and you are free to move on, knowing it will be taken care of.



Also, the anger and hurt you feel is only eating you inside - the other person doesn't feel your feelings and is probably unaware of them or maybe wouldn't even care. So drop your load, ditch all those bad feelings, and get a fresh start. Christ also suffered for our sorrows and will take your burden from you if you want to give it up and if you can forgive and forget the other person and move on. Don't let one event or one person your life dictate your entire life henceforth - you're better than that, and there are better people and events that you can focus on for the rest of your life. Live and enjoy it!

Answer 85

People who say things like that generally have never had anyone hurt them as much as this person hurt you. I get what you mean, why forgive when vengeance would be so much more satisfying.

Answer 86

If the person comes to you and tells you he is very sorry and asks you to forgive him...you are under obligation to forgive...Because if you don't forgive him when he asks then God won't forgive you.



But if he is not sorry for his actions that caused you emotional or otherwise pain..you are under no obligation to associate with this person.



You may privately forgive him so that your prayers won't be hindered.

Use a sound mind.

Do not reward someone for being cruel to you.

Answer 87

the Bible does teach that...forgiving is more about you letting go of anger than saying what they did was ok...forgiving someone will entrust God to deal with that person rather than holding on to ill feelings which could change you into someone similar...

Answer 88

Yes I have to forgive someone for something they did to me. Because forgiving them is for my benefit not theirs. That doesn't mean I forget what they have done to me. It just means I have forgiven so I am no longer in bondage. Because of what they did to me and how badly they hurt me. Be it emotionally, mentally or physically once I forgive them. Then I no longer live in the bondage of what they did.

Answer 89

Sara,



You are under no obligation to forgive anyone for anything.



Did this person ask you to forgive him? I don't believe anyone is worthy of forgiveness who hasn't asked for it.



Obviously, being atheist, I don't believe in any ultimate justice wielded out by a god. You will never fully get justice, even if that pond scum sat in prison till he rotted, or died by capital punishment. He took something from you that can't be replaced. Sometimes life is brutal and you've experienced that. I'm so sorry that happened to you, but don't let your anger taint you for the rest of your life.



Easier said than done I assure you! What I'd recommend is rape counseling. Please don't try to deal with this on your own, it's more than one person can deal with.



Good luck honey.

Answer 90

Jesus ask us to forgive ppl';s sins

Answer 91

Yes, you do



Forgiveness is something you do for yourself....when you forgive... an emotional healing process begins



However, I don't believe you need to have anything to do with them again.

Answer 92

You do not have to forgive this person for what they did to you. It is absurd to even think you have to. I'm a strong supporter of the punishment fitting the crime, and that does not include forgiveness for the atrocities some people inflict upon other people or animals.



Your anger is justified.

Answer 93

"Do you have to forgive someone for something they did to you?"

Not if you can lay your hands on a baseball bat.

Answer 94

Jesus is NOT okay with what he did to you.

The man who did this to you ought to be castrated and put in prison for the rest of his life.



I am so sorry. Can you try to forget about it?

Don't let the bas8*rd ruin the rest of your life.

Answer 95

The bible states that God said to forgive all man so you can get into the kingdom of God.

Answer 96

Sara it sounds like you were hurt very bad and I'm sorry to hear that. The reason God requires us to forgive (regardless what it is) is because so that we could be forgiven by Him. His word says forgive and be forgiven. Jesus is our revenger, he will make that man pay for what he did to you just believe and stay faithful to Christ he will see you through.

Answer 97

You need some serious counseling. And from a Christian counselor. If you will log onto www.needhim.com, they can give you the information you need.



God be with you,

William, a bond-servant of Jesus

<'(((><

Answer 98

You don't HAVE to forgive him.

It's your choice whether you want to live with that anger and hate inside of you, or release it by at least partially forgiving him.

Answer 99

Please talk with someone you trust about this and please seek counseling - especially if the rapist is someone in your life or in the life of someone you love. You'll need someone safe who can help you set boundaries and heal. You'll need love and support.

Answer 100

You forgive to others so GOD will forgive you too.

You like GOD to be kind to you

You be kind to others

Answer 101

To be forgiven, you must forgive.

Answer 102

forgive all because we also want to be forgiven

Answer 103

Oh i am so sorry. Listen this person will be judged for what he has done. God understands your pain and why right know you cannot fogive. I just hope you know that you are a child of God,and He does love you. This person will not go unpunished for what he has done. He can be forgiven by God yes,but there will still be punishment. We reap what we sow.

Answer 104

i agree with rainfog though i felt that you are really hurt and i am sorry for that... you are not alone!!!! God helps to those who help themselves!!

Answer 105

I think you have free will. You're free to hate if it makes you feel better. If you believe in Jesus, then you believe he was the son of god - his DNA enabled him to reach god-like heights. My father was a railroad worker, and he taught me to stand up for myself. Do what your heart tells you is right. Forgive if you want to, or hate if that gets you through your day. Those who judge you for not forgiving should try to forgive your decision a bit...

Answer 106

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resiste the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:7



By you not forgiving the one who hurt you, do you think your submitting yourself to God? Absolutely Not! I am sure you have sinned against someone before and they forgave you. So you do the same. If you don't forgive him/her, may God forgive you not.

Answer 107

Jesus said that we have to forgive to be forgiven, and if we do not forgive those who trespass against us, our father in Heaven will not forgive us of our sins, This is God's Word. I Know it is hard to forgive sometimes and when it is hard for you to forgive the person who hurt you, You have to go and Pray and ask God to help you to Forgive this person, God bless you

Answer 108

Think about it. this person caused you to be so angry. i don't know what the act was, but if you don't forgive him, you won't be forgiven yourself. if you do it it is not for that person but for your own salvation and happiness. oh be wise. what more can i say.

Answer 109

I usually forgive people... AFTER I get revenge.



No, really, I've been good about forgiving people lately.

Answer 110

yes you must forgive him.

Answer 111

Because forgiveness frees YOU from the anger.

Answer 112

I forgot what happened so I guess did !

Answer 113

You shouldn't forgive people if they hurt you, you should ensure that they get punished by the appropriate authorities, take whatever legal action you can and then move on. Cutting off all contact with them is probably a good idea too.

Answer 114

you don't have to do nuttin ifn u don wanna. but iss beddr iffn u wanna

Answer 115

you do not have to forgive anything ever. If the person you speak of is a monster ,please never forgive it.You have value and did not deserve anything done bad to you so never forgive and if there is a good god he will agree with you.

Answer 116

YES



because in God's scale we are all sinners.



HE is the JUDGE NOT you or me.

Answer 117

god says not to repay evil with evil...but with good and love...so yes no matter how bad you have to forgive...its your decision...bjut you definetly should

Answer 118

I have one or two grudges i'm taking to the grave. is it healthy? i dunno. but its what i do.