Do you like my cover letter?

Question

After working as an engineering assistant and trying to establish myself in a field that I was very obviously unsuited for, I have chosen to take a year off of work in order to develop myself as a writer and communicator of spiritual truths. It has been my dream and ambition for the last 5 years ever since entering university with only a vague glimpse of how my talents and skills could be orchestrated for the benefit of the common good to pursue a career in the service industry. Starting from emotionally smooth indirect methods of approaching and reaching others to emotionally violent and psychologically hostile terrain, where I am engaging myself in the dangerous, risky, and direct experience of being immediately acquainted with the suffering and tribulations of people around in the world. In essence, I wanted to work for world vision and feed hungry children in Africa.

As a legally disabled applicant with a brain tumor removed at the tender age of 16, I have struggled with my identity as a person, as a student, as a child, as a disciple and as a public servant for many years, while continually facing the bigotries that surround my illness and being told by everyone around me that I was “good for nothing.” I have recanted my claims to intellectual greatness or socially commendable sycophancy through perpetual self-analysis and aesthetic projections of oversimplified emotion with underappreciated depth, a practical irony that allude the casual observer’s pragmatic senses which produces a sense of enigma or mystery when combined with socially disharmonious configurations of perception that self-perpetuate in rhythmic progressions of unacquainted novelty. In essence I choose to be an author and an explorer of enigmatic mysteries myself by studying the prophetic revelations of the old testament, and selling myself as a patriot of understanding and a mediator between God and men through the practical sedentary abode of the spiritual theologian.

It is not finished yet... but what do you think?

Answer 1

All of the sentences are great, but you need to organize the placement. You're kind of all over the place, and it's hard to quickly determine your goal. Most employers don't have time to carefully read the whole thing, especially right now that everyone is applying and they have hundreds sometimes thousands of applications just like this.



I suggest simplify and make it more direct as to what your goal is. And I'm sorry to say, but I would avoid putting the use of the word God in your cover letter, unless your applying to be a priest it's unprofessional.



Also a little pointer is to stay positive no matter what you're talking about, like you told about your illness and how you overcame it. Don't talk negatively about it, if you can't talk positively about it don't talk about it at all.

Answer 2

You forgot to slip in the transgendered bipolar fling that you overcame and conquered during your solo ascent of K2 last July.

Answer 3

Hmmm, I'm working on a Statement of Services document. Maybe I should post that here for other people to critique.



Maybe not.

Answer 4

I don't think you have recanted your claims of intellectual greatness. The second paragraph is very verbose.

Answer 5

Depends on what this is a "cover" to, who is the audience and what you are trying to convey.



Otherwise, I am not liking it.....

Answer 6

going well :)