Fasting....?

Question

Has anyone fasted before? If so, how do you do it? Do you work your way up to not eating anything, eating less and less until nothing, or do you just quit eating for a period of time? Also, do you take vitamins or supplements during your fast? Thanks.

Answer 1

Here's how it's done in the Orthodox Church, which has maintained the same discipline since the fourth century.



On fast days, you eat one meal, after sunset. That meal should have no meat, fish, alcohol, eggs, dairy products, or oil -- basically, vegetables cooked in water and salt.



Every Wednesday and Friday are fast days (this is attested to in the Didache, the earliest post-New Testament Christian document in existence, from the late first century). There are also four major fast periods during the year. Lent is one; there are also fasts before Christmas (no Christmas parties for Orthodox), before the Feast of Sts Peter and Paul in the summer, and before the Feast of the Assumption August. Some of those are stricter than others. The first week of Lent is the most severe: you eat nothing on Monday or Tuesday; one meal on Wednesday, nothing on Thursday, and one meal on Friday. A lot of pious people don't eat at all during that whole first week. And in the Orthodox Church, you're in a lot of services that week, all *standing* since Orthodox Churches have no pews and think it's disrespectful to sit in God's presence. It can be pretty tough. But for the faithful, it's all out of love, not out of slavery to ritual.



During the extended fast periods, Saturdays and Sundays (sabbath and Resurrection days) are a little more lenient; you can eat two meals.



I'm not Orthodox anymore, so: leaving all those rules aside, I can tell you that the best spiritual benefits of fasting come from simply not eating for an extended period of time. Fast for three days just drinking water, don't take supplements, and see what happens to you. Don't worry about the hunger pangs; they're worse than they feel, and you won't die :-). But --most important thing -- fasting always goes with prayer. Pray when you fast, or your fasting will just make you annoyed and tired.

Answer 2

A fast should happen naturally, as if one were just naturally guided into it. If it involves forcing or a feeling of sacrifice of any kind, then it is not a real fast. Some people do it as a bodily cleanse, but my feeling is that it is ultimately more of a spiritual cleanse when done appropriately



Begin a couple of days before by eating light meals - vegetarian meals and smaller portions than you generally might. The day before should be fruit, especially your last meal. Some people say citrus and grapes are helpful because they are cleansing.

Fasting is generally a time of deep devotion to prayer and inner listening in which the attention is taken of off food (which can require a great deal of attention to shop for, prepare and digest) and other major distractions. It is a time which requires rest and solitude. It is a time of introspection where the attention is turned from the worldly / physical to the mental / spiritual. Small amounts of very light foods - like grapes - may be eaten if one feels guided or if it is helpful. You should always drink water. Lay off the vitamins until you are eating full meals again - they aren't generally water soluble.

Answer 3

Now I fast once a month, for two meals. I used to not drink water, but I do now since I've passed a kidney stone. (and If I happen to be on medications that require taking it with food, I'll usually just take it with a little bit of milk, or drinkable yogurt). Medical needs aside. Yes, I worked up to lasting for the two meals, adding about an hour each time.



Also, we take the money we would have spent on the food and donate it to a fund that helps the needy. I've heard that if everybody did this, there would be no starvation in the world. Isn't that a beautiful thought?

Answer 4

I fast for a month(Ramadan) every year.I don't prepare for it in anyway e.g cut down on my eating in the weeks leading up to Ramadan.

I don't take any supplements either and I'm sure that most people don't,at least no-one that I know of take supplements when they are fasting.

Fasting is from sunrise to sunset every day in the Islamic religion during the month of Ramadan.

Answer 5

Fasting has several elements. First of all you have to determine the length of your fast. It doesn't have to be for 40 days and 40 nights. You can start with a meal. The point is to replace your solid food with spiritual food. You can take supplements to replace the nutrition value as well.

Answer 6

Ok as a Native American, fasting is to purify yourself and to seek a vision. A vision to help with a problem you have or to have as a guidance.



First you would cleanse yourself, washing yourself making sure there is nothing on you. Here we have sweat lodges you can sit in and it opens all your pores and cleanses you. I have never fasted before, but uncle does often and I think he goes to the hills or forest and you would sit there, not eating or drinking anything at all for that day you are to fast and on until you recieve your vision. It could be a day or more until you recieve your vision, but it's really worth it in the end.

Answer 7

You might give up certain food(s) or all food.

Two or three days, perhaps.

Depends on how you're led.

I usually do a 3 day / all food myself. Pick a day and just stop eating. I don't bother with supplements but there's nothing wrong with using them.



http://www.gotquestions.org/fasting-Christian.html

Answer 8

Fasting occurs when one is so busy PRAYING that they forget to eat.



Fasting for the sake of fasting is ""doing things to impress GOD' That, HE does not need, require, or desire.



That is why True Christians do not scourge or beat themselves with chains, etc..

Answer 9

Fasting is a regular practice. choose a day to give up something freely and while giving that up seek the Lord for His will about why your fasting. fasting does not change Gods mind about something, it changes us to deprive ourselves to know His will in regards to the matter we are asking about.

Answer 10

the day before I fast I pig out on just about everything that I can to make me feel absolutely full.



I have fasted for 14 days, and all I take is water by mouth.

Answer 11

It depends on how long you want to do it. I wouldn't go more than 24 hours of true fasting(which means no eating or drinking).

Answer 12

Start out slow, one or two meals. And drink plenty of water.

Answer 13

Welcome to The Show! On Wednesday, The Sports Guy will be back again to take your questions on The Contender finale, baseball playoff races and just about anything else you want to talk about.

Simmons recently penned, Now I Can Die In Peace, which relives the years leading up to the Boston Red Sox historic championship season in 2004 and says goodbye to a lifetime of suffering. At least for now.



Bill will kick things off at noon ET but in the meantime, you can check out The Sports Guy's website for anything you might have missed.



Buzzmaster: Bill will be here shortly. Send in those questions!



Bill Simmons: All right, I'm here and I'm even partially awake. Somber way to start the morning with the TO news. I'm happy to chat about that but we're not going to be posting any jokey/offensive questions about it, especially when we don't know all the facts yet, so don't waste your time posting irreverent questions about it. Everything else is fair game.









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Bill (Birmingham, Michigan): T.O.'s "suicide attempt" is: A. A desperate cry for help; B. A cleverly designed P.R. ploy to get sympathy; C. The best thing to happen on a slow news week.



Bill Simmons: I was a little skeptical about his motives when I first read the story, I have to admit... he had turned into such a divisive character, and so many people were against him, and so many people doubted him, that if you're thinking from his perspective, this would have been the easiest way to change everyone's opinion of him - now we'll feel bad for him, and we'll say, "Maybe he needed help all along," and some of his less defensible actions from the last few years will be excused to a certain degree. But there's also a chance that he's just a profoundly depressed guy and just wanted a way out. That's why I don't want to comment either way until we know more of the facts.



Bill Simmons: But I will say this: Unless info comes out that he rigged this whole thing, or it was some sort of nefarious plan, I do think this will change the way people treat him and talk about him. For the better. He HAS become more sympathetic obviously. It's going to be fascinating to see how this plays out.





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Matt (Hartford, CT): Is this going to be another chat marathon? If so, should I just fire myself and get it over with?



Bill Simmons: Yeah, you should probably fire yourself. I will be here for awhile.





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KOD (Danvers, MA): Is there a chance you will lose your head to head battle with the Sports Gal in your NFL picks contest? Be honest, you agreed to do this only because you thought there was no chance in hell of her potentially beating you, right?



Bill Simmons: The Sports Gal is 20-8-2 in the past 2 weeks. Part of me is delighted, part of me is horrified. But since she doesn't know what she's doing, I'm guessing she's capable of a 2-12 week soon. The worst part is she's getting cocky about it...





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Jason: (Boca Raton, FL): What do you make of the talk that Tom Brady's body language during games demonstrates how unhappy he is with the organization for letting key players go and that it is rubbing off on his teammates?



Bill Simmons: here's my question: is he supposed to have good body language? The guy took less money to stay and his starting WR's last Sunday were Reche Caldwell and Troy Brown. Putting myself in his shoes, I would be flipping out right now. I think he's handled everything pretty well actually. Let's hope he doesn't snap and give an interview about his co-workers to the Big Lead.





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Kevin Philadelphia: You've given me Palpabon and Maroney, but I can't forgive you for giving me Michael Koenan. I've been the laughing stock of my league since I hyped him up with the last pick in our draft.



Bill Simmons: I apologize... actually, I listed him as a sleeper just for the whole "who the hell is Michael Koenan?" reaction. come on, it's not like it's hard to pick up another kicker. speaking of kickers, i'm officially worried about Gostkowski, 2 straight blocks and they wouldn't even let him kick a FG in the last 2 minutes during the obvious Madden down-by-10 situation where you should kick the FG first, then go for the TD. this whole thing makes no sense. we're 13 million under the cap. YOU CANT ROLL THE MONEY OVER. Every decision they made was separately defensible, and I loved that they got a No. 1 for Branch, but collectively? it's crazy. what's the point of being 13 million under the cap? that's yet to be explained to me. i would offer Seattle No. 1 to Oakland for Randy Moss. like, right now.





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DJ (Pittsburgh): I am sure you at the very least watched the Contendor, maybe even went to it again...I won't ask you about that. No, I won't ask about the Rocky Balboa trailer either. I didn't see it, did I?



Bill Simmons: Oh, no... I WENT to the Contender, pal! I was sitting in the 3rd row right behind Luke Walton and Vinny Pazienza. Two of the greats. Paz was wearing a tight white longsleeved shirt with that name "PAZ" on the back - he's a scary combination of "punch-drunk" and "mildly intimidating," like you feel the whole time that he might turn around and start swinging at you because you remind him of some guy who dated his ex-girlfriend when they hadn't broken up yet.



Bill Simmons: The crowd was great for the first fight - even though crowd favorite Bravo got absolutely demolished by K-9. The second fight was a little disappointing, the ref allowed too much clinching and it just had no flow to it. I don't think they were hoping for a 37 year old Contender champion... not exactly an up and comer.





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Mike F: (Pittsburgh, PA): Speaking of Caldwell, did you catch the comment by the announcer about his huh-yuge eyes? It caught my friends and I completely off guard and killed us. Not only because we caught it too, but because Madden or Michaels pointed it out on national TV. Don't pass the ball until you see the whites of his eyes....



Bill Simmons: I think they just looked that way because he couldn't believe he's the No. 1 WR on an NFL playoff team. One of my readers used the phrase "cocaine eyes." I enjoyed that.





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Bloomer (Deerfield, IL): At this very second, what is your Top 5 NBA Power Rankings? Doesn't it seem a little strange that the Suns are 8/1 to win the Championship at a lot of casinos. I mean, they were one of the top four teams last year, and there bringing back one of the best young players in the league in Amare plus Kurt Thomas for a whole season. They even did well in the offseason replacing Tim Thomas and Eddie House with cheaper and better defensive options in Jumaine Jones and Marcus Banks. I'll be in Vegas placing this bet if you need me...



Bill Simmons: This could be a weird year - five of the six best teams are in the West. Dallas, Phoenix, San Antonio, the Clippers and Houston, plus Miami in the East. So maybe that's why the odds are down, it's much tougher to come out of the West. I honestly have no idea who's winning the East - it seems like Miami should cruise, everyone else got worse. But I still haven't seen Shaq. Has anyone seen him? I just have a feeling he looks like Andre the Giant in the late-80's right now. Do you think he's broken a sweat in 3 months? What else does he have to prove?





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Phil (Brockton, MA): How about that guy puking on the field during the Pats-Broncos game? Im glad they replayed it 3 times.



Bill Simmons: They need to work that into "Madden 2008." But here's my question: What happened to the puke? Did they water it off? What if somebody got tackled on the puke? And did the guy feel obligated to clean off his face shield after, or did it just stink of puke for the rest of the game? Seriously, why even have a sideline reporter at the game if she's not getting to the bottom of this stuff?





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Lauren Y. (Phoenix, AZ): Now that the Madden Curse has struck again, who would you like to see (athlete or celeb) on the cover of next year's game?



Bill Simmons: I got some great e-mails about this yesterday. My favorite suggestion was Joe Buck. That killed me. But there might be something to putting bin Laden or Kim Jong on the cover... let's really test the limits of the Madden Curse and use it for the greater good.





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Burlingtonblair (Canada): Is this chat just a ploy to divert our attention from the fact its wednesday and you are supposed to have a new column right this second?



Bill Simmons: Here's what happened: I did a mailbag for my magazine column this week. So when we run it online, you guys will feel cheated because it's 4X shorter than the average mailbag... so the chat will even things out. Hopefully.





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Greg R. Cincinnati, OH: You have never given the Bengals their due respect, will you finally grant that once they beat your precious Pats on Sunday?



Bill Simmons: I absolutely give them respect: They are the best football team of convicts and troublemakers since the Mean Machine.





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David (Mexico): Have you thought about the Manning Brothers being on the Madden 2008 cover? Admit it!



Bill Simmons: The Manning Brothers AND Joe Buck. That's my dream cover. Please tell me you're watching the Fox pre-game show - Joe is doing more mugging on that thing than Don knotts during Season 5 of Three's Company. It's unbelievable. It's like he's auditioning to be a panelist on "Match Game 2006."





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The Saints (New Orleans): Repeat after me, we're 3-0...we're 3-0 did you ever think in a million years you would ever say THE SAINTS ARE 3-0?!?!?!



Bill Simmons: It's fantastic. We're all excited. Well, everyone but the Miami fans who have to fall asleep every night knowing that their team should have signed Brees over Daunte. Ouch.





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Brent (South Dakota): As a media person, what are your feelings on Jason Whitlock's departure? Did he destroy himself, or should a media person be allowed to criticiize his work associates without fear of retribution?



Bill Simmons: I like Jason a lot, I've enjoyed exchanging emails with him and I liked having his column on Page 2, so I'm disappointed in what happened. But I don't see what he had to gain by venting to a blog. What's the benefit? So you win the respect of the 3,000 people who spend 8 hours a day posting on sports journalism message boards and blogs because you were "shooting from the hip"? Congratulations. What is this, wrestling? I just feel like there was a better way to handle it. I will really miss having him on the website, I always enjoyed his perspectives on things. And I still plan on reading him at AOL. But I'm disappointed with how everything went down.





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Ben (St. Louis): This has to be done-- Put the WNBA on the cover of Madden 2008



Bill Simmons: We got next!





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Evan (Property Class, Iowa City, IA): On MNF, Spike Lee suggested that Isiah Thomas was his sleeper pick for coach of the year. Spike Lee: credible filmmaker or total wacko?



Bill Simmons: Spike with the Knicks is like me with the Celtics - every summer, he talks himself into the team, and there's no real logic to it. I am convinced that the 2006-07 Celtics will win 45 games. It's crazy. We have no rebounders. But I've talked myself into it. And I think Spike is like that to a distorted degree - even when they picked Renaldo balkman, he wasn't phased. I actually like Spike, it sounded like he had done a series of Whip-its before his MNF interview in New Orleans, he was giggling like a schoolgirl.





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The Freaks (DC): We know you will duck this question, but why do you fear Dan Rafael? He's the true ESPN chat king



Bill Simmons: He is? What are his credentials?





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Neal Kerouac (Brooklyn, NY): Miami had no shot at signing Brees. He had decided on the Saints, that much was clear. Miami had to act quick to get.....Daunte. Miami fans are sleeping just fine though and will be even better when we take out the Pats in Week 5.



Bill Simmons: That couldn't be less true. Brees was their first choice, they were worried about his shoulder and didn't offer him as much money as the Saints did.





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Gary, Avon, CT: If you think that the blocked punt for TD in the first quarter of Monday night's game wasn't fixed, you're nuts.



Bill Simmons: I keep hearing this... Oliver Stone might need to make a movie about Monday's game. Although I have to say, it was interesting that they scheduled the Falcons for that game - a team with clear NO ties (Mora and Dunn). The Falcons kinda had that same look on their faces that wrestling jobbers or the Washington Generals have,





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Steve (Menlo Park): Have you heard that the actor who played Screech has a sex video coming out? What's the title got to be? I'm voting for "Saved by the Smell"



Bill Simmons: Is that true? Is that a step up or a step down from appearing in "Celebrity Boxing?"





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Nate (Orlando, FL): Do you think Ed Hoculi stands naked in front of a mirror before a game flexing, kinda like how Dirk Diggler did?



Bill Simmons: There's no doubt.





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Kevin (Lawrence, KS): How about Shaved by the Bell





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Jacob (Madison, WI): After the first three weeks of the NFL season, who do you think is really emerging as the clear-cut Super Bowl contenders?



Bill Simmons: You'll have to wait for Friday's column!





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Eric (Boulder, CO): Is there enough wiggle room in the Dead Man Walking level to include this year's Cardinals? I know they aren't a playoff team, but this may be worse than a playoff series because a playoff series has at most 2 games that can apply, while the Cardinals have been Dead Men Walking since Friday night?



Bill Simmons: The great thing about a potential Cards collapse is that they were the one team everyone was universally unexcited to see in the playoffs except for maybe SD. I mean, imagine if LA catches SD, we'd have a playoffs with the 2 NY teams, Philly, LA, Detroit, Minny, Oakland and Houston??? That's fantastic. I'm genuinely excited about the playoffs, can't wait for the Detroit/Philly home games, can't wait to see what the Mets are capable of, excited for Frank Thomas to continue his comeback, etc etc...





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Brad (Bowie, MD): 5 games left til the playoffs and the race is on for AL MVP, Morneau or Jeter?



Bill Simmons: All right, I have a couple thoughts here. First, Frank Thomas needs to be involved. He's been carrying the A's and his numbers the past 3 months are ridiculous. Second, Morneau has been great, but I'm not even sure he's the MVP of his team - Johan has been their version of 1999-2001 Pedro and seems to lift them every time he pitches. I would probably pick Jeter - that team was in such flux this year and he was just a rock for them, and he came through with the 2 biggest hits in the 5-game sweep that killed the Sox. Plus, he gets to play the sloppy seconds card with Nick Lachey. He's the MVP.





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Sara, San Diego: Would you ever participate in 'Dancing with the Stars'?



Bill Simmons: Anyone who saw me dance at my wedding knows the answer to this one.





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Chris (NJ): Ugliest player in baseball history? My money's on Willie McGee.



Bill Simmons: Willie was the Babe Rith of the All-Ugly team. But the ugliest player ever was a guy named Don Mossi, a pitcher from the 50's and 60's. He was historically ugly. Even at the time, they used to joke about it.





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Josh (Ann Arbor, MI): I'm excited for Philly home games, too...though I have this impending feeling of doom that this year is no different from the last several. We are simply not good enough to come up with those two extra necessary wins. Do you really think the Phils can do it?



Bill Simmons: Don't count out a potential Saints-like conspiracy here. It's in the best interests of MLB to have Ryan Howard playing as long as possible in October - he's the first slugger since the 80's where we can definitively say, "All right, there's no way this guy is on steroids." I mean, he has 2 brothers who are both the same size, I think one's even bigger than him. They need Ryan Howard next month. He's a godsend for them.





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Dan, (Columbia, MD): Now that Mr. Eko has a DUI under his belt, are the cast of Lost now the Bengals of the TV industry?



Bill Simmons: We're getting there. This may be the first thing that Hawaii and Cincinnati have ever had in common.





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Don Mossi: Noted baseball historian Bill James described Mossi as such: "Don Mossi was the complete five-tool ugly player. He could run ugly, hit ugly, throw ugly, field ugly and ugly for power. He was ugly to all fields. He could ugly behind the runner as well as anybody, and you talk about pressure ... man, you never saw a player who was uglier in the clutch."





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Doug (Baltimore, MD): As someone who grew up in Philly, let me tell you: The Phillies are not making the playoffs. After 23 years of this stuff, you get used to it and it becomes expected at this point. Give you hope, then tear your heart out. Same old story.



Bill Simmons: Poor Philly... I find myself subconsciously rooting for all their teams now, it's unquestionably the most tortured sports city in America. Not even Red Sox fAns at their absolutel apex were this convinced at all times that the worst possible thing would happen. I will never forget being in the stadium for the Eagles-Pats SB when the Pats went ahead in the 3rd and the Philly fans just completely checked out of the game, they were so bitter and angry that they couldn't even function.





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MB (LA): Why Peete's over Coffee Bean? (Starbucks isn't even in the discussion) Or does this require its own column?



Bill Simmons: I'm down on the Peet's here - the people behind the counter are snooty and there are too many wanna-be screenwriters who hog tables for 3-4 hours and don't actually type anything. Coffee Beans are a disaster, it's like Weirdo Central. And obviously Starbucks is intolerable. I don't know how many times I need to write this, but WE NEED DUNKIN DONUTS IN LOS ANGELES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S A MAJOR MONEYMAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... OPEN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





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Ben, Philadelphia: As a betting man I'd figure you'd be loving the Phills as a weeklong fade. Haven't dissapointed yet and Washington is a +170 tonight!



Bill Simmons: Look, I'm not saying I wasn't 100% convinced it was going to happen. I even saw a friend of mine on Monday night who's a big Dodgers fan, I was convincing him that LA would be fine because Philly would choke like they always do, he didn't believe me, then they blew a 4-2 lead in the late innings. I just am holding out hope that, one of these times, Philly comes through.





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Jeff (Boston): What do you make of Schilling's comments? Is he coming back next year?



Bill Simmons: He has about 14 million reasons to come back. I didn't think he was that good this season - his ERA was over 4. On paper, would they be better off if he retired so they could use that money to sign a marquee free agent? Yes. Do I trust them to handle that money properly and not completely screw it up? Of course not. So I hope he comes back.





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Geoff (Cleveland): Phiily the most tortured sports city. You must be joking. No championship in 42 years, only two championship appearances in that time, not to mention losing our football team for 3 years - nope, sorry, Cleveland's got Philly beat by a mile!!!



Bill Simmons: I wrote about this 2 summers ago, it's in my archives. http://proxy.espn.go.com/espn/page2/stor... I thought Buffalo and Cleveland has the best case for "most tortured" because there's been so much unhappiness over the years... at least Philly's consistently had good teams (and some great ones) and superstars like Iverson, McNabb, Lindros, TO, Schilling, Cunningham... maybe they haven't won anything, but they haven't exactly been boring sports years.





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Jim, Birmingham: If you found out that Chad Jackson went to Hoover High School (of "Two-a-Days") would you forgive his blue hair beads?



Bill Simmons: This is actually true - I couldn't believe it.





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Bert (Philadelphia): There's a chance for an unprecedented "levels of losing: extreme nuclear holocaust edition" in Philly next Monday. IF the Phils play a one-game playoff, it'll be here on Monday. That night, the Eagles play the TAFKA Farve at the Linc.



Bill Simmons: Wow! Now that's one of the all-time great sports days... I hope that happenes. By the way, don't forget the Ewing Theory implications of the Abreu trade... Don't discount this for a second.





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John Boy (Cincinnati): So are you ready for the beatdown the Pats are going to receive in the Jungle this Sunday?



Bill Simmons: I can't say I'm looking forward to it.





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John (Wilmiongton, MA): Andy Etchabaren has to be your catcher on the all-ugly team. That guy looked like he played without a mask.



Bill Simmons: He's right up there. When I was a little kid - and this will tell you something about my personality at the time - I had all my baseball cards separated by teams, but I also had a separate pile for the ugliest players... and Andy had this one card where he was kinda turned to his right, I can still see it in my head... it was a closeup and he looked like the hairiest, most frightening guy on the planet. Top-5 ugliest cards.





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ryan (tampa, fl): how do you like madden 07 so far? do you think they went a little overboard with the broken tackles this year?



Bill Simmons: I am still waiting to win my first replay challenge. I'm like 0-75. That's the biggest glitch I've seen.





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john (CA): how did you do in your roto baseball league?



Bill Simmons: Won both of them - have a 20-point lead in one and a 13-point lead in the other. Throw in my two roto hoops wins and I have a chance for the grand slam if I can sweep my 2 football leagues. By the way, it's embarrassing how proud I am of this.





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Kevin (Ewing, NJ): All Ugly team... and no discussion of Randy Johnson? How is that even possible? The guy is a freakish 6' 10" string bean with a moppy hair that sends sweat into the crowd with every pitch, not to mention the most pock-marked complection on earth. He's a walking train wreck.



Bill Simmons: he's the No. 1 lefty starter. come on. that doesn't even need to be said.





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Dustin (ky): How do you feel about your soccer tema's WORST START IN 20 YEARS. Does every sport team that you have ever rooted for tortured you before the go onto glory? Didnt you pick this team because they were supposed not to be like the Sox?



Bill Simmons: I feel terrible about Tottenham Hotspur - they're off to their worst start in like 14 years and i'm getting angry e-mails from British people blaming me for this, like it's my fault. Although the best part about hate mail from England is that they use really horrible words - the worst possible swear words you can think of. So I've kind of enjoyed that part. It never gets old when someone calls you a wanker.





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JR (Austin, TX): for the Patriots to win on sunday, do you think it'd be best to send a case of grey goose, an 8-ball, and a van-load of strippers to the bengal's hotel the night before the game? and the main question: would it work, or is it not enough to affect them on sunday? if so, would more teams start doing it?



Bill Simmons: i'll say one thing about this upcoming Pats game - this happens once a year, every time we count out the Pats and leave them for dead, they win the next game on the road against a good team. i'd be very carefully wagering against them this week.





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Mac (Tuscaloosa AL): TO now says that it was an allergic reaction and not a suicide attempt. He's probably lying but can we make fun of him now?



Bill Simmons: Hold on, I'm checking this out...





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Ben R., Chicago: Can SNL survive without Horation Sanz? And your thoughts on Studio 60...



Bill Simmons: Clearly, someone on SNL needs to step up and be the "Guy who will reliably crack up at his own jokes in every sketch." My money is on Andy Samberg.



Bill Simmons: As for Studio 60, obviously I love the show (Sorkin + Hollywood + a fake SNL-type show = I'm watching) but I don't think the audiences will be there. It's an inside show, I can't imagine middle america cares about the inner workings and politics of a late night TV show. Just seems like a reach. When i read the script months ago, it felt like an HBO show to me.



Bill Simmons: Five things I like about the show1.) An un-neutered Matt Perry (you forget how much he was emasculated on Friends in the last few years); 2.) Whitford, who's always good; Amanda Peet's one acting ploy where she stares off into the distance with a dumb smile on her face, she's just terrible, but in a good way; 4.) DL Hughley's man-boobs; 5.) the girl who plays Harriet is really good. I like the show, I hope it stays on.





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Noah (Cincinnati): How proud are you that your chat is causing the ESPN site to crash occasionally? (and what the hell is a 503 error!?)



Bill Simmons: I keep getting this question - it has nothing to do with me, i think we're having server probs because of the TO thing.





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Pete (Philly): you gonna watch the friday night lights TV show? good book, good movie and the guy from early edition is in it.



Bill Simmons: I'm giving it a chance, absolutely. Hearing good things about it.





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Adam (Ithaca, NY): Who do you think is the most overrated hot chic in Hollywood? I say Scarlett Johanson.



Bill Simmons: how dare you





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Finnigan (Boston): Where do Miller's "Man Law" commercials rank on the all-time worst commercials list? There should be a rule that commercials can have no more than 3 famous people in them.



Bill Simmons: Although you have to enjoy Colby from Survivor with that "hey, i'm getting paid for this AND I got to meet Burt Reynolds!" look on his face. That's always fun.





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Dylan (Santa Monica): They still air SNL??



Bill Simmons: And it's on this Saturday with host Dane Cook! I can't wait to hear his monologue when he talks about how much success he's having...





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Mike (Orlando, FL): Can I get your thoughts on this? Vinny Testaverde was in Foxboro yesterday for a workout and visit with Patriots officials. The fact the Pats felt the need to get a firsthand look at him, and likely give him a physical, means their interest is beyond cursory. -- Boston Herald



Bill Simmons: Obviously, I'm horrified. I'm going to proceed like this isn't actually happening. it will be easier for me this way.





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team fug jr80: andy etchebarren looks like adam carrolla after a healthy dose of rogaine application to his eyebrows.



Bill Simmons: Come on, that's not true.





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David (Philadelphia): When are you going to write a column about the US hoops team? Even an offhanded "I told you so" would be nice (Mens not Womens, just to be clear, since I know you were equally surprised that a team of WNBA superstars didn't win the gold either)



Bill Simmons: You know, I was going to write about it the following week, but I only got about 40 emails about it. I just don't think anyone cares. Same for the Ryder Cup. We know expect to lose these competitions, no matter what the sport is. I blame President Bush. We were a dominant world power athletically until he took over. Now we're a laughingstock. if he were a GM, we would have fired him by now.





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Peter, DC: Thanks for the olde tyme internets chat complete with servers crashing like they used to when more than two people were accessing the same site. Awesome.



Bill Simmons: You're welcome! It's a throwback chat... I'm even wearing my sideburns from 1996.





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Nick (Middle America): You've been in LA too long. And your comment about Middle America not caring is the exact reason most TV sucks now... Hollywood thinks we're too stupid to get it so they write based off of their own ignorance of their audience.



Bill Simmons: That's not what I was saying. I just don't think the average person gives a crap about the inner workings of a TV show. it's a totally absorbing show if you're a Hollywood junkie, or if you work out here, but why would someone like my Dad watch it? he just wouldn't care.





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Matt, now in Dallas, TX: You live in LA, you're a big NFL fan, and yet you have no local team to adopt/watch. If the NFL were to force a team to move, which one should it be. I say the Jets. Am I wrong?



Bill Simmons: That's 1 of the things that I learned out when I moved out here - I always thought LA didn't have a team because nobody cared. Actually, that's not true. People would absolutely support an NFL team, they would have a waiting list for tix and everything, it would be a huge power thing out here with heavy hitters trying to get good seats, and everyone else would want to go for the tailgating and all that supplemental crap. But they can't get their crap together with it, everywhere they want to put the stadium gets blocked, and the Rose Bowl people c**kblocked any chance of the team playing there. It's messed up. I swear, they could have 2 NFL teams in LA and they would both sell out.





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Scott (Philadelphia, PA): Am I crazy or am I really about to load up on Cleveland on the road against Art Shell and the Raiders this weekend (minus 3)? Have to at least push on this one, right?



Bill Simmons: That's the craziest line on the board. Oakland should not be getting less than 7 against any team in the league.





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Matty (Taunton, MA): Could you beat Jamie Gold heads up? He came across like that guy in the neighborhood game that nobody likes, yet he just doesn't realize it. Next thing he'll do is take Ari's phrase and call himself "the Gold standard."



Bill Simmons: I actually met him last night at a post-Contender party, he's a really nice guy. He was wearing a shirt that had a gambling website on it, I thought that was funny. Like the $12 million wasn't enough, he needs sponsors now. But I liked him, he said everyone's gunning for him now.





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Mark, NJ: I'm not even a Jets fan and I got irrationally angry at Matt from Dallas. HOW DARE YOU suggest moving the J-E-T-S! They are easily the most underrated group of angry fans, and are only behind Detroit and Philly in the overall rankings.



Bill Simmons: Agreed. The Jets have great fans.





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MP (Arlington, VA): How long do you think you will keep this going today? My boss is out sick and I need to kill 2 more hours of the work day.



Bill Simmons: I dunno, just put down 20 ounces of coffee, I'm actually feeling pretty good.





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Eric (New York, NY): Please tell us what really happened with Matt Damon on the Jimmy Kimmel show.



Bill Simmons: Jimmy will get mad at me for this, but screw it - Damon was supposed to be the last act of the show, and they screwed up the time and only gave him like 45 seconds, he didn't even get a chance to show a clip from his movie. So Damon totally flipped out, it was like the scene from Good Will Hunting when he flips out on the math professor. I can't believe nobody made a bigger deal about it. Everyone thought it was a setup but it actually happened, Jimmy was pretty shaken afterwards.





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RT (Canada): It's no "Vito at the job site" moment, but where does Rawls cameo at the gay bar in Season 3 of the Wire rank on the "did I really just see that? rewind the PVR!!" list?



Bill Simmons: And it hasn't been explained since! You're right, that was a 9.5 out of 10 on the list, trailing only Vito's head popping up from the cop's lap in the Sopranos that time.





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Joe, Madison: I remember reading a new intro to that Last Night of the Yankees Dynasty (or something) a couple years ago, and it was amazing to me because they documented how the Yankees screwed up virtually every possible decision they made since that bloop single. How easy would it be to construct a similar study of the post-championship Sox decisions? Incredibly, or just very?



Bill Simmons: So easy that it's not even worth writing a column about.





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Rick (Somerville, MA): If the NFL started selling ref shirts, would you buy an Ed Hochuli? And if you ever were a ref for anything, would you wear 85 in his honor?



Bill Simmons: I would buy a Seaman jersey.





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Blake (Denver): Since you haven't mentioned it yet, I'll do it for you...have you bought the Windy City Heat DVD yet and if so, are there any notable extras?



Bill Simmons: Jimmy gave me a copy - there's actually a ton of extras and footage of Perry watching the movie for the first time. They did a great job with it. Just came out yesterday. And by the way, I always get e-mails from people wondering if Perry was in on the joke - I was kidding about the Matt Damon thing before, that was really a joke. But Perry and Windy City - not a joke. He legitimately thought he was the star of that movie.





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Aaron (Washington, DC): What happened to the sports books series? And will you put any fiction on there? I just read A Fan's Notes, and I loved it, even though it seems like people go strongly one way or the other with that one.



Bill Simmons: I loved doing the Sports Book series - if I still had a blog, I would continue to do it.





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Mike: (Hopewell, NJ): Is 503 Servor Error one of the Raiders plays calls?



Bill Simmons: That's the play where Aaron Brooks takes a 7 step drop and gets sacked between step 6 and step 7.





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Ethan (Spokane) : Did you catch the Contender fight last night? It was like a Ruiz fight, I would rather watch 10 rounds of rock em sock em robots.



Bill Simmons: I was there... the second fight was Ruiz-esque, you're right. The crowd was NOT happy.





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AJ (Iowa City, IA): I really like this "allergic reaction" excuse. The next time I go out drinking and hook up with a Beer Goggles All-Star, I'll just tell my girlfriend I had an "allergic reaction" to those Jack and Cokes.



Bill Simmons: Here we go...





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John (Chicago,Il): Better HBO documentary: Red Sox or last night's Cubs?



Bill Simmons: Haven't seen the Cubs on yet but I don't see how it wouldn't be better than the Red Sox one, which perpetuated every Curse stereotype that was out there and even included the producers lying to interview subjects about the intentions of the show. I hated that documentary. So glad I didn't agree to be interviewed for it.





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Dave (Austin, TX): If you could give Kornheiser one bit of criticism/advice about the MNF gig so far, what would it be?



Bill Simmons: Drop the whole "he's on my fantasy team" running joke. We get it, you play fantasy football. So do 20 million other people.





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Scott (NY, NY): What is Cameron's problem on Laguna Beach? Can't he see that Trish is a thousand times hotter than that wet blanket Jessica?? And yes I am 26 years old and watch a show about high school kids . . .



Bill Simmons: The funniest thing about Cameron is that he has no discernable personality at all. There's just nothing there. He's a complete zero. And yet, every girl is falling over themselves for him. Hey, guess what, ladies? In 15 years, he'll be a bald guy with a huge head and no personality! Enjoy!





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Tim (Indy): I love Kornheiser on MNF, but the TK-Theismann duo just doesnt work. Tony makes a joke and Theismann takes him 100% seriously almost to the point that he gets offended by it. I thought he was going to have a breakdown during the Redskins game a couple of weeks ago because Tony kept cracking on Joe Gibbs.



Bill Simmons: You're right. Joe needs to, um, loosen up, Not sure if it's possible.





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Jonny (Summersville, WV): Those Basic Cable Classics reviews that you and Adam Carolla do on his radio show are freakin' hilarious. Do you have a list of movies you'd like to review next? Although this movie really kind of sucks, "Can't Buy Me Love" would lend itself to a full hour of critique.



Bill Simmons: thanks! i want to do Broken Arrow next... that's one of the five worst movies ever made. Carolla wants to do Cliffhanger because he has a 20-minute rant about the opening scene when Michael Rooker's girlfriend dies even though Stallone climbs out o9n the rope with no safety harness to save her, and she drops to her death - through no fault of Sly's - but Rooker blames Sly, anyway, even though Sly slimbed on this rope 20,000 feet above ground with no safety harness to save her. Carolla could literally talk about this for four straight hours, actually. So we'll probably end up doing that.





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Disney Exec (The Tragic Kingdom): Mr. Simmons, per your criticism of Mr. Kornheiser, you are hereby terminated. Have a nice day!



Bill Simmons: Damn!





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Jeff (Seattle, WA): "This may be the first thing that Hawaii and Cincinnati have ever had in common." -- Actually no. Along with the Grand Canyon, they were vacation destinations for the Brady Bunch. (And yes, I hate myself for knowing that)



Bill Simmons: Fantastic call. The Cincy trip was always an underrated Brady Bunch...





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Steve: Hey am I the only person who noticed that sportsline.com actually has given fantasy spin on the Owens thing? Now I'm speechless.



Bill Simmons: Thats fantastic.





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Doug S, nyc: We all know you own a mini-van, what color is it and how often does your wife let you drive?



Bill Simmons: Put it this way: if you ever see me driving a mini-van, you have permission to run me off the road.





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Brendan (DC): I'm sitting in my dorm room, hung over, listening to Pat Benatar's "We Belong", checking out my fantasy football team in one window and refreshing this chat in the other. I just feel like you should know.



Bill Simmons: I'm just glad you included me - sounds like a great day. Did I mention that I miss college? By the way, when I was in college (88-92), my friends and I didn't have a single fantasy league, there was no internet, no cell phones, and you had to take a girl out for 2 weeks before anything happened. I feel like I'm 90 years old. Seriously.





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Tom Selleck (DC): What did you think about being on the Colbert Report?



Bill Simmons: I really enjoyed it, Colbert was a nice guy, I liked him. It's a tough show to do because the guest is basically the straight man, so I just didn't want to make a fool out of myself. It was funny to get the emails about it - some people thought I did great, others thought it was a complete apocalypse. it was probably somewhere in between. i mean, have you ever watched a late night talk show? just about every interview is exceedingly awkward... it's like watching 2 people on a bad first date. this is why my friend Jimmy hasn't slept in four years. five nights a week, he has 2 bad first dates in front of an audience.





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Al (Pine Grove PA): Since I completely missed the Kiper chat, could you tell me who is at the top of your Big Board?



Bill Simmons: Um... Brady Quinn?





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Matt (AZ): I gotta say, when you said the Rams were your dark horse, I thought you were flat crazy. After watching that D the last couple weeks, I can see why you made the call. Congrats...ya may have gotten one right.



Bill Simmons: I dunno... Bulger is still pretty shaky. I'm also worried that the Saints could be the team. it's probably down to the 2 of them for the 2006 Sleeper, so at least I'm in the hunt.





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Josh Alhalel (Jacksonville, FL): Holy Crap, is this chat still going? You're like Saved By the Bell, Police Academy and the Rolling Stones! END IT ALREADY



Bill Simmons: Come on, I'm just starting to feel good!





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Mike (canton, OH): How do you leave Otis Nixon out as ugliest baseball player ever, he practically invented the Cosby Nose



Bill Simmons: The thing is, Nixon wasn't necessarily ugly as much as he was old-looking - he legitimately looked like he was 120 years old. Willie McGee... whole other story.





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Tim (Cleveland): Bill, I've got 2 cross country flights in the next week and a half, any quick hit reading recommendations? And, I've already read your book.



Bill Simmons: Michael Lewis's new book - EXCELLENT.





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Micheal (Ogunquit, ME): What's your thoughts on "The Departed"?



Bill Simmons: Here are my thoughts: I can't remember the last time I saw a movie preview and thought to myself, "I'm going to see the matinee of that movie on the Friday it comes out, and wild horses can't stop me." Like, I remember when "Heat" came out in '95, literally counting down the days until noon on that Friday. I feel the same way about this one. My hopes are through the roof.





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Andrew (Boston, MA): Did you know that Joe the Alcoholic Counter guy at Store 24 has been replaced? It isnt the same getting my Parliament lights from someone whose hands don't shake a drop my change all over the counter.



Bill Simmons: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? This is terrible. Maybe he can start for the Pats at receiver this weekend.





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jimmy (las vegas): What are your thoughts of the naming of University of phoenix stadium for the cardinals?



Bill Simmons: I'm crushed that Pink Taco Stadium never happened. By the way, word on the street is that the new stadium is like 45-50 minutes away from anything in Arizona... can't wait for the 2008 Super Bowl! It will be like Jacksonville crossed with desert hell. I am already coming up with excuses for my bosses why I can't go to that one...





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Dude check this out!!!: Paul (KC): Jim: Doesn't it make you angry that the Sports Guy is going marathon and pushing the limits of the network, keeping your fans from getting in? A death match is in order, no? We can set this up right now... Jim Callis: (2:13 PM ET ) I like the Sports Guy, and I'm looking forward to reading that chat, so no death match is needed. Of course, it's easy to chat forever when you have one kid and write one column a week. Try doing that with four kids and numerous deadlines!



Bill Simmons: They will find Jim's body a week from now floating in the East Hartford river.





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Johnny (Champaign, IL): I didn't know you were on Colbert until now, so I just checked it out on youtube. You look just like Matthew Perry, but sound just like the scrawny guy with glasses who is a fantasy expert on ESPN.



Bill Simmons: Fantastic! Thank you. Couldn't be prouder.





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Brian (St. Louis, MO): My buddies and I have been racking our brains for a good sports road trip ever since reading about your Lambeau trip...any ideas??



Bill Simmons: Come on, I'd be spoiling the next trip! By the way, I accidentally (I swear) caught some of Oprah and Gayle's road trip, which was actually mesmerizing because we got to see Oprah completely flustered as she tried to pump gas...



Bill Simmons: But I want ESPN to give me a show like that Oprah/Gayle road trip show. I could just take my Lambeau crew on a road trip to various sporting events and we would load the car with cameras. JackO could be my Gayle King. We'd just drive around and make bad jokes, and occasionally, there would be a game, and some tailgating. I feel like this is my destiny in life.





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Brett (Levittown, NY): Can you please end this so I can get on with my life?



Bill Simmons: No. I want to get to 33,000 questions. We're only at 25,175.





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Tempo (DC): How could you dismiss Harry Carson as just a good guy in your Hall of Fame article !?! He is only listed as the best #1 Inside LB by Pro Football Weekly !?! Still not good enough !?!



Bill Simmons: Come on. He got to play with Lawrence Taylor. Every offense he faced was 100 % concerned with LT and where he was on the field. Carson was like Joe Dumars - really good player, good guy, and lucky to be where he was.





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Jake (LA): You don't need to post this, I just thought you should know - I saw The Departed at the trade screening yesterday in Sherman Oaks. It's UNreal. I thought the trailer made Jack Nicholson out to have a big role when he MIGHT have a small role (hate when that happens) but he is the film's central figure and he absolutely NAILS it. Dicaprio is amazing. The shots of Boston are great and everyone really brings their A game. Even the accents are ALMOST believeable. All in all, it was the fastest 2.5 hours I've ever spent in a movie theatre. Didn't check my phone/watch once, and that's saying something these days...



Bill Simmons: Let's see if they use this for the movie poster blurb.





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Bryan, Arnett OK: Sorry i was away for awhile i had to read Jenn Sterger?s Mailbag



Bill Simmons: that hurts





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vn (nyc): By the way, with you down to about 1 column per week - you are coming dangerously close to Rick Reilly territory... if ESPN starts posting the "Spins from Simmons" webvideo everyweek, I will officially be suspicous



Bill Simmons: First of all that would never happen. Second of all, I write 2 columns a week and routinely pump out 8,000-9,000 words. Reilly hands in one 950-word column, tapes a 3-minute bit of bad jokes, then spends the rest of his time coaching Little League teams and playing golf. I'm not saying this is a bad thing - I hope to reach that point in life some day. But I work much harder at my job than he does.





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Luke (Nashville): How many more years do you see yourself being the Sports Guy if you do leave the Disney family are you going to set up a blog similar to what Shanoff has done?



Bill Simmons: Who's Shanoff?





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STEVE(ROCHESTER, N.Y.): WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE UFC BLOWING UP THE WAY IT HAS



Bill Simmons: I think boxing should learn from it. The UFC is great at A.) packaging their fighters, and B.) beefing up their PPV cards so there are 4-5 must-see fights on each one. If there's a bad main event, that's not necessarily a problem because you might see 2 other great fights. With boxing, if you pay 50 bucks for a card and the main event stinks, you're screwed.





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TJ (Minneapolis, MN): Are you capable of 950-word columns? I'm not convinced.



Bill Simmons: Anyone's capable of a 950-word column. But here's the problem, and this is why I hated writing my mag column when it was 700 words (which is absolutely ludicrous) and 800 words (not as ludicrous, but still ridiculous): You barely have enough time to bring up a point, argue it and wrap it up with that little space. The biggest challenge is just conserving words and making your point in as little time as possible. Well, how is that entertaining? I understand the mentality 20 years ago, but with the internet taking off, we should be figuring out ways to take advantage of the extra space and have fun with it, you know?



Bill Simmons: For instance, my Lambeau column was initially meant to be for the magazine. And after it was over, I was thinking about it and decided, "Wait, some really funny stuff happened on this trip, why would I cut it down to 1200 words, why not explore the studio space with it?" So I wrote a 9500-word first draft, then spent the next 2 days cutting it down to a semi-reasonable length (6200). Now, would you have rather have read a 1200 word column or a 6200-word column? I don't know. I'd rather print out the 6200 words and dive into it, personally.





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John (WI): If Isiah was GM for a team, and Art Shell was coach, what would their team nickname be?



Bill Simmons: "The No. 1 Overall Pick"





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Sammy Chicken Milwaukee, WI: What is the over/under of the Bucks canning the worst coach in the league Terry Stotts by the end of December with almost entirely new starting lineup sans Michael Redd (and with Bogut moving to C), Vilanueva, Mo Willisms, and Bobby Simmons (although Reuben Patterson's nanny will be pushing him)?



Bill Simmons: The Bucks and Celts are in the same position - they could both be top-5 teams in the East, and their coaches will both cost them 10 games over the course of the season. So the sooner they move for someone competent, the better off they will be.





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Tim (Indy): What did you think about the racecar driver who kicked in that other guy's windshield? You have to have some thoughts on this.



Bill Simmons: I was excited - NASCAR is really turning into the new NHL. It's great. When the drivers fight, all the other pit crew members should pair off and hold each other, then let the guys fight it out for about 20 seconds.





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Shane (Cambridge, MA): My buddies and I are placing bets on when you move back here... We figure four years is the absolute ceiling, since we figure you and the Sports Gal won't send your kids to school out in lala land.



Bill Simmons: Come on, you're not REALLY placing bets on this. But I would say within 4 years is an excellent wager.



Bill Simmons: By the way, I was watching the local news on Sunday night and the weather guy with no neck came on for Channel 7 - he showed the 7 day forecast and it was 7 straight suns and went something like, "84, 85, 84, 86, 84, 85, 84" across the board. I'm telling you, it's hard to leave nice weather.





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Ed - Ridgewood, NJ: Any thoughts on "Rescue Me"? I don't recall seeing any comments about. Excellent show...



Bill Simmons: People have been pushing Rescue Me for awhile on me... I'm not biting. Just don't like Denis Leary. Never have. I liked him the first time around, when he was named Bill Hicks.





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Tim (Pinckney, MI): Let's bring it back to baseball. Now that Boston is out, which teams would you most enjoy seeing in the World Series?



Bill Simmons: Good question. My top-3 ideal matchups:



1. Phillies-Yankees. Good against evil.

2. Mets-Tigers. Just think the crowds would be really fun on both sides.

3. Phillies-Tigers. Although it would be tough to pick which fan base needed the win more... probably Philly, but it's close. At least Detroit had the Pistons.





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Erin (Ottawa, Canada): Why was Storm Large wearing Phil Jackson's suit when she sang the national anthem on the Contender last night? Apologies from Canada for going 2-for-2 on Rockstar. None of us liked Lukas, but we all probably dug Jason Newsted's double denim and fingerless gloves.



Bill Simmons: I'll say this: Storm Large was MUCH cuter in person than I thought she would be. By the way, Lucas is probably 5-foot-4. No joke. And he's very pleased with himself. Also, Toby is much taller than I thought (maybe 6-foot-3) and has that happy/possibly drunk Austrialian vibe to him... seemed like a good guy. He'll be in rehab soon.





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Thomas (Sacto, CA): After a season and a couple episodes, what's your take on How I Met Your Mother? Still watching?



Bill Simmons: First season: Solid A-minus. Really fresh sitcom, took a lot of chances, likable actors. Totally underrated show.



Second second: Solid D-minus so far. They made the same mistake that Friends made in Season 2 - let the in-trouble relationship overpower the rest of the show. What happens to these sitcoms were they decide, "Hey, instead of funny, let's be totally sappy and depressing!" I don't get it.





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Jeff St. Louis, MO.: If you don't like "Rescue Me", then what do you think about "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"? I think this is by far the most hilarious show out there right now. Don't even try to argue.



Bill Simmons: Hear great things about this one, haven't watched it yet. I'll probably get the DVD and plow through a few of them to get a feel for it. People swear by this show.





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David (Ohio): Nominee for best new TV show of the season so far?



Bill Simmons: I don't have a nominee yet, but the Sports Gal loves "Six Degrees" and claims it's one of the best shows ever or something. By the way, when did Erika Christensen get 44DDDDDD's?





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Tim (Indy): What do you think happens to Manny this off-season? Any chance he leaves and the Sox bring in Bonds to protect Papi in the lineup?



Bill Simmons: It would be idiotic to give the guy away for 40 cents on the dollar. Statistically, he's one of the five greatest right handed sluggers of all time. Maybe even top-3. And he's not a cancer, he's just a goofball. Why give him away?





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Paul (NYC): Can we start a petition to get "The Wonder Years" television series onto DVD? Is there a better show out there that has yet to be released on DVD?



Bill Simmons: I actually read an article about this - it's so enormously expensive to get the rights to all the songs they used on that show, they can't put out the DVD's. Back in the 1985-1994 range, before people realized DVD's were an option, nobody thought to get the music rights for DVD's, just syndication. So you have to go back song by song and buy the songs. It's crazy. I loved that show.





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Matt (Chicago): Shouldn't Cris Collinsworth be involved in this chat in some way?



Bill Simmons: I'm going to bring him in in the fourth quarter when I start getting tired and openly start screwing up my analysis on things.





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John (Boston): Speaking of Dennis Leary, did you happen to catch the broadcast on Nesn where he and Lenny Clarke are piss Drunk in the booth With Remy and Orsillo? Subject matter included Jewish Red Sox Players and Mel Gibson. Must be on You-tube. Actually here it is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2lxaslsx...



Bill Simmons: I actually watched that game as it was happening and it was 10 times funnier when you didn't even know where it was going. Have to hand it to Leary for that one. By the way, I thought that was going to be the moment that killed Jerry Remy - he had the smoker/phlegm laugh going to the point where it became entirely conceivable that he might hawk up a lung on live TV.





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Hank (Manhattan, KS): I can't believe you didn't include the fact that I carried my laptop into the crapper AT WORK to continue refreshing your chat. My only explanation is that you were either entirely freaked out by this, or felt such satisfaction as a writer that you have decided to quit your job as of 2:08, CST. I feel so betrayed.



Bill Simmons: Here's the problem with these chats: We can only see the last 10 questions, so every time I'm typing a response, I miss about 150-200 questions... I just pick one from the newest page. It's a crap shoot. But I'm glad you were reading on the crapper, Im honored.





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Ryan (Madison, WI): Is the rest of this chat worth skipping sociology for?



Bill Simmons: Screw the chat, go down to Beansnappers!





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Steve Denver, CO: Hey, I am suprised you have not said anything over the last few months regarding the impending 90210 DVD release. Apparently they overcame the music copyright issue. Thoughts?



Bill Simmons: Nov. 7th. Comes out with Melrose Place, Season One, which was actually the best season. It's rare that a TV Show released a DVD of the best season first - like Larry Sanders, there's only Season 1 out there and it's the worst of all the seasons. Which reminds me, HOW ARE THE OTHER LARRY SANDERS SEASONS NOT OUT YET?????????? WHAT THE HELL??





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Bill (New York): no way you can go for 4 hours



Bill Simmons: Don't test me.





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Matt (Getting Marriedville, PA): Planning a Bachelor Party in Vegas for Final Four weekend. Where should we stay? Which casino has the best sports book?



Bill Simmons: You're crazy. Vegas is done. Go to New Orleans, go to Montreal, go to Toronto...





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Jarrett (Ft. Lauderdale, FL): What are you're thoughts on the impending new MTV Challenge "The Duel". I think it has great potential with everyone for themselves. P.S. As I remember it, the reasoning behind Daunte vs. Brees was to go with the QB the was the healthiest. Stupid Dolphins.



Bill Simmons: I was most excited because the promo shows Tina belting one of the other females in the face... I'm hoping and praying it's Beth. That's a great show. There should never be a week without a Challenge.





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Bill (La Mirada, CA): Are you expecting the fourth season of The O.C. to be a terrible as I am? How are they going to account for the fact that all the kids were supposed to go away to college? When are they going to bring back Luke? Can they bring back Alex to take Marisa's place as the other girl?



Bill Simmons: It's on life support. I thought it was interesting that Rachel Bilson went on Jimmy's show and basically said, "It ran its course, it was a good run." What's funny is that Laguna Beach, which was basically a reality ripoff of the OC, ended up supplanting the OC as a water cooler show. How did that happen? laguna Beach was like the Denis Leary to the OC's Bill Hicks.



Bill Simmons: Wow, we're at 33,000... I'm not stopping, screw it.





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John (Appleton, WI): If you hit 50,000+, we'll fly you in and take you to Beansnappers!



Bill Simmons: Appleton, WI - the home of Beansnappers! And you didn't hear this from me, but they have a website...





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will-la: is there a greater american hero than johnny knoxville?



Bill Simmons: Sadly, this was question 33,000.





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Brian (Houston/Austin): Wow, we're at 33,000... I'm not stopping, screw it. is that what Wilt said.





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Kevin (Appleton, WI): Odell Thurman just got tossed for the rest of the season. That's certainly not bad for the pats. If the Bengals players keep getting arrested like this, they can form a "Longest Yard" team and we'll have the first ever Reality Show/Old Movie Remake Hybrid ever.



Bill Simmons: Have to say, this is a nice week to catch the Bengals - possiblility of the Letdown Game, some DUi distractions... hmmmmmmmm...





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Chris (Tampa, FL): TO's on live in 9 minutes, if you wanted a stopping point. Although from what ESPN has been saying all day, he's just going to tell people it was an allergic reaction. I guess they Dallas FD can't deny access to the 911 tapes, so it will be interesting to hear how his explanation holds up when the tapes are released.





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Brian (Pittsburgh): How great is it to have Peter Gammons back?



Bill Simmons: The greatest. Between him and Harold, watching Baseball Tonight was like the White Shadow season after Hayward graduated.





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Josh (Indy): What happened to your old intern, Kevin Cott?



Bill Simmons: He graduated from law school and just took the bar... I am trying to get him to start his own sports blog. I have this great idea for him - instead of writing columns and testing the limits of his talents, he can just sit back and post snarky comments all day about other people's columns. I think this could work.



Bill Simmons: Just kidding, he has his own blog already. Check it out: http://kevincott.blogspot.com/





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Douby (Milwaukee, WI): Who's your racial pick for Survivor?



Bill Simmons: I would wager on the Asian group now that their guy found the immunity idol. Here's my question: Why do teams always send the smartest, strongest, savviest person to Exile Island? Isn't that the person most likely to find the idol? Why wouldn't you send the weakest person and hope the crack? By the way, i want them to separate the Survivor tribes by boobs next year - a flatchested tribe, a big-boobed tribe, an inshape tribe of guys, and a tribe of guys with man-boobs. That's the logical next move.





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Kevin (Scranton, PA): Great performance today. I'm nominating you for an ESPY.



Bill Simmons: Do I have to accept it?





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Bill S. (Los Angeles): What if I told you I was just going to stop posting columns and instead waste entire afternoons of your work-week with chats. Is that something you might be interested in?





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Phil (San Francisco): Rate your top three Arnold movies. Let me help you with the first one.... 1.)Predator



Bill Simmons: 1. Terminator.

2. Predator

3. Commando





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Bill Kline Toledo, OH: I know i am late with this comment but, I think Bill Murray should captain the Ryder Cup then I believe the proverbial stick will be removed from the players backsides and they might actually enjoy themselves and have fun like Europe! Drink a pint for me fellas.



Bill Simmons: In my magazine mailbag this week, I used a reader email who was pushing for MJ as Ryder Cup captain... I mean, it's a useless job, why not have some fun with it?



Bill Simmons: Uh oh, TO press conference starting... might be time for a mini-running diary...



Bill Simmons: Bob Ley looks grim - it's like he's following an assassination attempt.



Bill Simmons: Does John Clayton have legs and arms? have we ever figured this out?



Bill Simmons: Couldn't ESPN get Eric Karabell or Matt Berry on here to discuss the fantasy implications? is it too early?



Bill Simmons: Here's TO...



Bill Simmons: He's thanking God.



Bill Simmons: Smiling, denies suicide attempt...



Bill Simmons: Excuse: pain pills, extra physical treatment, accidentally took more painkillers, a friend misread what happened, it's all her fault...



Bill Simmons: Wasnt coherent, doesn't remember what he told the doctors...



Bill Simmons: "Terrell, what do you say to all the fantasy owners who woke up this morning and nearly had a heart attack because you screwed their teams?"



Bill Simmons: The lesson, as always: Keep your painkillers away from your supplements.



Bill Simmons: Says he's playing in Sunday.



Bill Simmons: "No, I'm not depressed by any means..." Can't say the same for Cowboys fans.



Bill Simmons: Can barely remember anything that happened... I wish I could say the same about Sunday's Pats-Denver game.



Bill Simmons: TO's gone, now his PR person is talking... she looks like the stripper from Season One in the Wire.



Bill Simmons: Can we get this woman a brush?



Bill Simmons: She's saying she never said TO was depressed - basically, all the policemen lied.



Bill Simmons: TO's publicist - Kim Etheridge. I don't think she's getting a lot of new clients out of this thing.



Bill Simmons: Hemming and hawing during the whole "get pills out of the mouth" question - sounds FISHY.





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Billy (SW Philly): His spokeswoman is a Liar Liar, pants on fire.



Bill Simmons: PR lady: "he has 25 million reasons why he would want to be alive."



Bill Simmons: Whoops, TO's back! he's thanking everybody... police, doctors, the companies that made the supplements and painkillers...



Bill Simmons: And that's it! That was fun. Bob Ley now looks much more loose.



Bill Simmons: Bob, you're done here - go back to work on your 3 hour expose of "Title IX, 32 years later."



Bill Simmons: Uhoh, a live Michael Irvin interview! "Let's go right to the Cowboy who's been involved in the most shady drug-related incidents, Michael Irvin joins us..."



Bill Simmons: Michael looks subdued... it's like he's terrified Bob Ley might bring up Thanksgiving 2005





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Alex, Miami: Seriously, now that we know he's ok, can we please make a conscious effort to move on. I cannot take another 2 weeks of T.O. talk.



Bill Simmons: couldnt agree more...





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Steve (Philadelphia, PA): Can I make T.O. jokes now?



Bill Simmons: Yes! Everything's fair game...



Bill Simmons: Thanks Michael... now we're going to my main man Michael Smith! I knew him when he couldn't even grow peach fuzz.





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Keith (NY): T.O.: Totally Overdosed



Bill Simmons: Ooooh, Bob used the phrase "tempest in a teapot." that was fun.





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Monte (Tampa, FL): Please tell me Chad Johnson's newest TD celebration will be to act like he's taking pills and having a siezure.



Bill Simmons: I want to see TO on the injury report this week: "Terrell Owens, probable (overdose)"





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Rob (New Orleans): T.O. took too many pills because he just realized Drew Bledsoe is his quarterback.



Bill Simmons: All right, they're wrapping up the press conference. All jokes aside, I'm relieved this was all a big misunderstanding and we can continue to make fun of TO again. Also, this would be an opportune time to sell your stock in Kim Etheridge's PR company.





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tgoobs: how many times has TO had to apologize for being a distraction? What's next? an OJ-like bronco chase?



Bill Simmons: Let's hope so... I want Terry Glenn driving and screaming, "This is TG, I got TO in the car... this is TG!... you know who this is goddammit!"





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Jim (NJ): Over/Under: The amount of pill bottles throw on field by Philly fans: 30,000.



Bill Simmons: 30,000???? Come on, that's low... each fan will be good for four bottles, 60,000 people, I'm saying the over/under is 200,000.





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Richie(Pittsburgh): Who lies better TO's publiscist or a $100,000 Oriental rug?





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Elias Sports Bureau (Somewhere, US): TO has officially broken the long-standing record for "most awkward and fake smiling in a suicide-attempt-prompted live press conference by a distracting wide receiver that has to play with Drew Bledsoe."





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Andrew (Cincinnati, OH): Why didn't TO do some crunches during the press conference?



Bill Simmons: there wasn't enough room





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Mike (Chicago): Ok, so now we have to believe either (a) TO and his "publicist" or (b) Dallas cops. Ugh. Is there a (c)?





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Dave (RI): Over/Under on questions Bill Parcells will take on this before he flips out and walks out on a press conference?



Bill Simmons: 3.5





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Dan (Hebron, ME): So, are Drew Rosenhaus and Kim Etheridge really that bad, or is TO officially where agent and PR careers go to die?



Bill Simmons: Probably a little of both. By the way, wrapping up in 5 minutes... i'm hungry.



Bill Simmons: This seems like a good time to mention that I once took too many allergy medication pills and almost went to the hospital once. TO, I feel your pain.





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Steve (Toledo, OH): TO is such a cancer, he's brought down this chat...





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Mark, Canada: Greater play: Flutie's Hail Mary, Cal/Stanford's "The Play" or that LSU hail mary from a few years back?



Bill Simmons: I just had an argument about this with my friend Hench while watching football on Sunday. I think it's Flutie because that was the culmination of one of the great games of that decade... Hench said Kordell Stewart's throw because it went like 70 yards in the air. It's a tough one. Either way, Stanford-Cal is out because the fifth lateral clearly went forward by 3 yards.





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Cornelius (Detroit): None of the above - Music City Miracle-- totally unexpected type of play



Bill Simmons: That was the most underrated because nobody ever talks about it and they ended up being 1 yard away from winning the SB.





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Ja$e (Boston): 50,000 questions and nothing from you on the NHL. Good job.



Bill Simmons: thank you...



Bill Simmons: All right, I'm wrapping it up... TO's press conference made BS tired and hungry. Nice work everyone, thanks to everybody who submitted a question